well i know most of you dont remember that question i asked about my mother interfereing in my marriage and now my husband and i are sperated because of it. i also think i stated that she is very controlling and bossy. well now she has through my father out of the house and they got into a big arugment last night. she calls me from work early this morning telling me that she through him out and that iam going to have to help her more on paying bills in the house. this house is my fathers too and she has no right to through him out. iam only my mothers daughter iam not married to her. iam not reponsible for staying with her and paying her bills. my husband and i are planning on getting back together and iam not going to be stuck with her for the rest of my life when she has my 28 year old brother living her to who is not working.
my mother causes trouble when my father will not follow her rules or do what she tells him to do. she puts pressure on me anyway to help her pay bills.
2007-09-10 02:57:35 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Tell her that a mother daughter relationship is not about financial dependence or control, it's supposed to be about love.
If she insists on putting this strain on your life (and your marriage) you have two choices. You confront her and tell her if your relationship doesn't change, you will end that relationship.
If you can't do both of those things, then you are stuck because she holds the cards.
You have to be willing to lose that relationship to gain the respect you need.
2007-09-10 03:06:48 · answer #1 · answered by brettj666 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Move away from your mother. And I am not talking down the street. Move to another town or state. She can't control you by phone or if you don't allow her. You have to be the stronger person here. If you are getting back together with your husband after she split you up once what is going to stop her a second time? Put your foot down tell her no and tell her she is not going to control your life any longer. Tell her you will not pay her bills and she will have to go get a job if she doesn't want your father in the house. She will also have to buy him out if she wants to stay there but, all of this will be on her head no yours. And don't feel guilty for being honest!!!!
2007-09-10 10:09:35 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get back with your husband and distance yourself from your Mother. No, you are not responsible for her problems and/or bills. If she asks why you won't help, tell her. This is your life now and no parent should ever ask such big demands of you. What is happening with your Father just might be the best thing for him. If she wants to be this way (controlling) then she will have to do it alone. Maybe she will learn from it, but I doubt it. If she still comes at you, mention your brother. You are married now and have your own concerns. I wish you and your hubby many years of happiness without your Mother interfering. Good luck!
2007-09-10 10:10:57 · answer #3 · answered by looloo1122 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this were my mother I would tell her to butt out!!! If she continued to bother me I would file for an order of harassment. She sounds like she likes controlling everything. I have a family member like that, I have cut off all ties and my life is much better because of it. If your mom is like the person I had, they have conditioned you to feel guilt. The guilt is what keeps you in their lives. You owe her nothing but love if she is worthy of it. Take charge of your life, I don't mean to put you down, however you are grown now, you have all the choices in the world available to you, she is limiting you by tying you to her. Don't let her do this. Demand that she leave you alone, change your phone number and create the space you need to live your life. I am a mother, and if I lost my mind and started controlling my kids like this, I would pray that they would have the fortitude to push me aside.
2007-09-10 10:10:37 · answer #4 · answered by Rein 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi hon,
i do realize this is your mother, but even so you're right -- you are NOT responsible for her bills.. do not pay them or give her money! she and the brother can find incomes, they are adults...
meanwhile, it seems you and husband allowed your mother to have much control over your feelings and emotions. so much so that you and your husband have parted ways because of her. why???
your mother's behavior wont' change overnight, if ever. if you and your husband haven't set personal boundaries, and let her walk all over you all the time, it's your fault, not hers.
time to gather your dignity, create some personal boundaries in your life. you seem to be under a lot of stress and aren't taking care of YOU in this situation.
i have found a couple websites for you. if you'd care to look at them, perhaps they'd be helpful? I know that setting boundaries in my own life, has helped me immensely.
hugs
2007-09-10 10:09:57 · answer #5 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You mother is not controlling. You're allowing yourself to be controlled and allowing yourself to feel guilty.
If my mother asked me to pay her bills, it would be a simple "Sorry, no".
But I would be concerned and offer HELP to PLAN how she is going to pay her bills.
You must live your own life. Make your own decisions. Just because your mother asks you to do something doesn't mean that you do it. It's just her OPINION.
2007-09-10 10:17:45 · answer #6 · answered by Vitiran 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell her anyway you have to that your not helping her. if its over the phone,in a letter,what ever is best for you. tell her you have your own bills to pay and she has a son and a husband she is going to have to lean on. then tell her your getting back with your husband and you want no contact with her about it. that you will make your own decissions about him,and the only way you will continue to talk to her is if she butts out of your relationship.
2007-09-10 10:21:30 · answer #7 · answered by marilynfsmgm 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A) threw - past tense of throw , through - to penetrate
B) tell your mother she screwed up her life, let yours alone.
C) if needs be , change your location to where your mother can only contact you by mail or phone, and NOT interfere with your marriage.
D) get caller ID
2007-09-10 10:10:43 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time to grow up. Tell mom you are so sorry she finds herself in this position, having to ask her daughter for financial help,
but that you are not doing so well yourself at the moment,
so cannot help. If you do go back with your husband, don't
talk to mom.
2007-09-10 10:12:00 · answer #9 · answered by M S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
SHES THE BOSS!!!!!!!! Get out your parents house, keep MOMMY DEAREST away from u, while you make really imprtant life decisions w/o her imput!! Poor DAD, but he may really be glad to being GONE!! Had a wife like that once upon a time. TG thats over!!!
2007-09-10 10:07:40 · answer #10 · answered by happywjc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋