I hope that someone could help me figure this out, or give me some direction to this drama.... I have only been married since Dec. 2006, and like clockwork about every month or so, when a disagreement heats up, my wife picks up and moves out- then eventually comes back after a week or two.
She doesn't really argue, and at most threatens divorce, and just packs up and takes off. The last time she did this was this past July, when she left a week before our baby was due. I called, asking her to come back, and at that time she refused to even have me around in the delivery room when the baby was born. After the baby was born, she moved back with me, as though nothing happened.
I really want this marriage to work, and for the most part we are happy, but I don't know how long things can last with this drama of her leaving like she does. Its as though I am constantly afraid of telling her how I feel or being at odds with her about nearly anything, fearing she will leave again
2007-09-10 02:34:55 · 13 answers · asked by Norac 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am a psychologist and this is very typical to
BORDERLINE personality Disorder. Please google it and read if she has the other traits. If so, she will need therapy or self-therapy through reading books and understanding her BLACK/WHITE behavior (I love you, I hate you.........I hate you, don't leave me........If we get along we are great, if we argue we need to divorce.......etc...) The saying is "WALKING ON EGGSHELLS" and you already said that you feel this way.
Here is a link: http://www.bpdcentral.com/resources/basics/indicators.shtml
2007-09-10 06:02:16 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just know, people do what works for them, and your wife leaving after every argument is her way of pouting, having a tantrum, and so far it appears this behaviour has worked for her. She leaves, you call her and she comes back. It is obvious you both love each other, but also you two lack skills on how to resolve marital conflict. Conflict should be resolved without the main goal being to win the other over a disagreement. The goal should be aimed towards a compromise. It takes skill and knowlege in order to be able to resolve conflict where both parties feel validated and listened to. Negative behaviour should never be rewarded, positive behaviour should always be noticed and rewarded. You are rewarding your wifes behaviour by calling her and asking her to come back so easily. Next time she threatens to leave, you must tell her that she better think about this because once she leaves you will no longer allow her to come back. If she still leaves, then your actions must back up your words. Do not call her or contact her in anyway. You also must stop her from coming back into the home as if nothing happened. She needs to feel accountable for her actions in order for her to have any incentive to change it. Once she sees that her behaviour is no longer getting her the results she wants, trust me, she will change. When this happens, do not allow her back home until she sees that her leaving will no longer be tolerated and she agrees to couples counseling. Best of luck to you both and I do hope it will all work out.
2007-09-10 03:35:57 · answer #2 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all you have been married for year almost sometimes woman go though emotional problems doing pregnancy, every month or so she leaves you alone. comes back after she cools off, she doesn't argue about anything to much she is running away from something, before the baby was born she left and refuse to let you in the devilry room, moved back when the baby was born your afraid that she will get up and leave again.perhaps you need some type of counseling.
best of luck
best of luck
2007-09-10 02:56:51 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your life sucks. Get out now. The longer you wait, the more it will cost you.
At this point you may get off with only a small community property split and child support, if you wait you will end up paying alimony as well.
Life is too short to be tortured by some *****, get out , make a new start and learn from your mistakes.
2007-09-10 03:41:44 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The next time she leaves, have her served with divorce papers. Tell her the game is over. Either she does what it takes to stay married or she can just stay out, because the next time she leaves, it will be the last time. She plays this game because you play along. She leaves and you call her begging her to come back. Don't do that anymore.
2007-09-10 02:47:09 · answer #5 · answered by ♦justme♦ 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
she probably has abandonment issues (are her parents divorced? did they fight a lot? did one of them threaten to leave all of the time?)....
so she is leaving YOU before you get the chance to leave her... maybe she was accustom to being abandoned at some other time in her life....? we are deeply affected by things which happened to us while growing up, and if we don't face our fears and learn to cope or try to change, we will carry fears around with us forever...
perhaps you and your wife could go to talk to a counselor or even a minister? apparently, there are some things which need to be brought out into the open in your marriage.
making it "work" takes WORK on both your parts... learning to communicate and to stop exhibiting improper behaviors seems necessary in your instance.
i hope it works out.
2007-09-10 02:47:38 · answer #6 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yikes! That sounds terrible and with a child involved. You need to get in some counseling, hopefully she'll participate. However, I think that if she refuses and continues this behavior you have no choice but to get divorced. This will be bad for the child involved. Sometimes it is better for the children for the parents to be apart if they are constantly seeing their parents fight, physical abuse, etc. and you can't walk on eggshells your entire life.
2007-09-10 02:50:23 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
She prefers to run from her problems rather than deal with them (sucks) I can imagine how tired you must be from an adult behaving like that. I would tell her that the next time she does it ...its over. You do not have a relationship if you can not or willnot express yourself for fear of her bouncing and now if and when she bounces, she will be doing so with your child. You cant make your relationship work if she is unwilling to discuss issues like an adult and not a spoiled child.
2007-09-10 02:50:02 · answer #8 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to be honest with her or what kind of relationship are you going to have? You don't have a good one right now it will only get worse. Ask her to go to some marriage counseling. She needs to step up to the plate and, decide if she wants to be married or keep running away from her problems.....
2007-09-10 02:44:28 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Got one on you doesn't she....ever wonder what she'd do if you didn't call her or ask her back?
I'd try that the next time...wait for her the call you....and then don't make it so easy for her to come back.
Its ok to say I miss you too...but I can't handle you leaving again. enough is enough....if I let you come back this time and you leave again...you better be prepared to stay gone.
2007-09-10 03:01:10 · answer #10 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋