I am not gay, & I have no problem with those who are, and in fact, one of my best friends is gay. A lot (well not a lot – but a few) people have like picked on and teased him because of that, but whenever I am around – I always stick up for him. It pisses me off how homophobic and mean people can be! But anyways, like a few days ago, he finally worked up the nerve to tell me he liked me, (I already had a hunch, and tried to hint that I wanted to keep things as platonic as possible) but he told me anyways. He knows I am not gay, but said he had to get it off of his chest – but I think maybe he hopes I might turn gay or something… I don't know.
However, lately ever since then he has like been avoiding me. I feel so bad because I hurt him, but I am not gay, and I do not want loose a 17-year friend over an awkward thing such as this. What should I do?
P.S. ~ I am serious here, serious answers only please. If you are going to give some asinine or immature answer do not waste my time.
2007-09-10 02:33:42 · 20 answers · asked by Answer-Me-This 5 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
had a usual conversation with him.. tell him straight that you still want to be his friend like you shoulb be.. but not to be his partner.. be best friend like it should... i feel that he'll can accept it.. good luck to you ATM!!!
2007-09-10 02:49:19 · answer #1 · answered by NEILISA **Shane's Mama** 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
This situation is always hard no matter what gender it is coming up to you. Your friend had to work up a lot of nerve to tell you his real feelings and now has to take the time to lick his wounds. I think he knew all along that the chances for the two of you would be slim, especially if he knew that you are straight. But it doesn't make rejection any better. I'd say give him a little time to try to get over it and then maybe sit with him and try to talk to him honestly (and as gently as possible) about how the situation is and what it did to your friendship. If you guys have been friends for 17 years, then there is a long history there with lots of good memories. And, as "gay" as it sounds there is some level of love, if not only on a platonic level between you. If you really do cherish him as a friend I think it is worth trying to save the friendship before he tries to walk away with rejection.
2007-09-10 02:43:21 · answer #2 · answered by misty h 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I agree with the first person. He is probably a bit embarrassed now. Honesty is always the best policy. Make it absolutely positively clear that you are NOT gay and that their is no chance you ever will be. Now tell your fried how much you value his friendship and that you want him to be a part of your life. Tell him you enjoy hanging out with him and that you want to continue to hang out with him. You have always respected each other in the past and their is no reason you can't respect each other in the future too. LOL! Maybe you could go to a gay bar with him! A lot of straight family and friends go to gay bars with their gay friends. People will not hit on you if just say you are straight and there with your friend. If you are young and cute they guys will probably all want to buy you a beer anyway just to talk to you a bit even though they know they arn't going to go home with you. It will give you a unique insight about life on the other side and I think you would learn a lot! Also - more so than guys - a lot more lesbians tend to be bi. You will get a chance to meet them. Some straight guys go to gay bars just for this very reason!
2016-05-21 02:07:43 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very good question for once. You obviously value your friendship with this guy even if you don't return his feelings. It might seem like he's hurt right now, and maybe he is feeling a little wounded, but he'll get over it. What will really hurt him most is if you just shun him altogether and cut him out of your life, something which it sounds like you DON'T want to do.
So tell him. Put it to him the best way you know how to do, that his friendship is important to you, but you don't return the intimate feelings he has for you. And let him know that you are definitely rooting for him to find "the right guy" someday, even though that guy isn't you.
You already made an admirable stand by sticking with him when everyone else felt differently. Letting him know that you are still there no matter what is the most important thing you can do.
2007-09-10 02:46:00 · answer #4 · answered by dreamchaser8860 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
In all honesty, since he knew that you were straight from the outset, the problem is his to deal with, not yours.
Which means, the ball is 100% in his court. I think the best you could do is let him know you still want to be his bud. If he can stay in a "friend" mentality, then its all cool. But, if he continues to avoid you, then its an issue for him to deal with.
And if it is, give him some space and maybe he'll come around.
But most of all, realize that its not your fault he's sad or feels rejected (yes, I know you didn't say that you feel at fault, but your tone implies you feel responsible at least a little). Sadly, and ultimately, if he can't deal, then what choice is there but to avoid him.
BTW, this is something I'd say to a guy with girl concerns, or vice versa.
Good luck. you sound like a good friend, man.
2007-09-10 02:46:03 · answer #5 · answered by Green is my Favorite Color 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You need to sit down and have a serious talk about it. It might just be a case that just cuz you're friends he feels close to you and stuff. It can be easy to mistake platonic friendship for attraction (though they can go hand-in-hand :P ) when you're close but if you just explain it and maybe help him find someone else to crush on (or help him find a decent guy :D)
So yeah, tell him flat out that you're not gonna turn gay no matter how much he'd want it but you'll stick with him as a friend and stuff and that he needs to find someone else to be the object of his desires as crushing on you would only hurt both of you eventually.
Hope I help more than confuse ^^;
2007-09-10 02:42:42 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
He's avoiding you because he's embarassed for having 'fessed up what you had already figured out. Be there as a friend whenever he gets over his embarassment, and no damage to the friendship will occur. Unless he has serious emotional problems, his feelings for you sexually will die down now that he knows they won't be returned, and in a few weeks everything will be as it once was and should be.
Hang in there, and kudos for being such a good guy!
2007-09-10 03:21:13 · answer #7 · answered by Clint 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your friend has suffered from a great deal of hurt, embarrassment and frustration. It is only natural that he is avoiding you. But you need to keep the lines of communication open since eventually he will get over this and be anxious to reestablish his friendship with you, only this time on a new and more meaningful basis.
I have been through this same situation, only I was the gay one. After a few days we resumed our friendship and we were as close as ever.
2007-09-14 02:14:41 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
As someone who's been on the other side of this situation, the best advice I can give is to sit him down and have a conversation explaining how you feel and how you appreciate his honesty and feelings for you, but you will now and forever be just friends. Be sure you let him know you want to stay friends and that knowing how he feels about you doesn't bother you in any way and he shouldn't be embarrassed. You can't help who you're attracted to.
I lost a lot of friends when I came out. Once he gets over the embarrasment of telling you how he feels about you and the rejection of being turned down, he'll be glad to keep you as a friend, trust me.
2007-09-10 02:40:17 · answer #9 · answered by Kelson 2 · 8⤊ 0⤋
He is embarrassed and probably is worried that you think he wants to bed you and fears that you are offended.
Tell him it's OK. Let him know that you can still be friends and that you like him too, just not sexually.
Be honest and kind and a friend and you will find that it will be fine. Maybe better, since now he has gotten that off his chest and it's in the open he doesn't have to fear you finding out, you already know.
It sounds like you are both great guys. Enjoy that and make sure you tell him that too.
:-)
2007-09-10 02:42:03 · answer #10 · answered by Glenn P 4 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Aww!!! Just sit him down and let him know that you will always be there for him as a friend and that the feelings he has for you are ok and you dont want it to ruin what you guys have. Just let him know that you don't feel that way towards the same sex that it has nothing to do with him. He should understand. Just give him time...he's probably scared now that he's told you that you'll see him differently now. It'll work out....just be there for him! You sound like a really good friend already...Good Luck
2007-09-10 02:40:57 · answer #11 · answered by A to da Izzay 2 · 6⤊ 0⤋