Mother in law problems. Dont look if you don't want to do some reading.?

Question

Ok, I'm a very nice person, and I don't like talking ill of people, but this is my problem. My mother in law. Classic, I know, but read on....
She has been rude to me since day one. She can't get over the fact that I am going to marry her baby boy. She calls me and tells me what I do wrong as a (soon to be) wife. She insults the way I run the house here. We got tickets to a foot ball game and we were going to take my dad, and she was MAD. But when my dad said he couldnt go, we took her other son, and she was happy. She says things like a wife can never come between a son and his mother. When she first met me, she told my hubby that he can't just go for a woman bc of her looks. She calls him EVERY single day and asks about his job. She has insulted me and hurt my feeling on numerous occasions. I have given her many chances, but EVERYTIME I see her, she finds a way to hurt me. I am nothing but nice to her.
My hubby finds her annoying, but has to deal with her, and I understand

I don't know what to do and I am stuck in the middle. The woman is evil, and EVERY one that knows her has said so to me. I am tired of her insulting me, and YES i have stood up to her. I really don't know what to do and I could use your help. I can't stand this woman

Answer 1

Uhu, gotcha! Not good chemistry here.

First, keep a VERY close relationship with your husband (to-be), show him the quality of wife (to-be) and person you are. As time goes on, start opening up the tension to him (start with light but crystal-clear issues of her being in the wrong). With each step, make sure he stands by you. It'll put him on the spot, of course, so be cautious and patient.

After that, distance would be good. My bf's brother was in a similar situation -- too close to the in-laws. To keep this story short, they're divorced now, at the constant prompting and nagging of the mother.

The reason for this very common situation is probably because of an immaturity in the woman. She can't accept becoming a second-placer in his life. He will always be her son, but she forgets that he is not her child (or baby) anymore.

Well, good luck to you both, you'll really need it! This situation (as with others) with truly try and test your love -- to see just how pure it is -- I do hope you get through it as a couple.

Answer 2

I was half expecting you to say you were making your 3 year old into a serial killer! Other than the fact he may 'go postal' I think he will be very cute. The problem is with her. I happen to get along great with my mother in law but I know my mom didn't. While I loved my grandmother dearly (and so did my mom) there was still tension between them. My grandmother grew up raising 8 kids on a farm working hard all her life while my mothers mom was an only child on the beach never had a job in her life. Needless to say my mom didn't get those 'lessons' of how to be Susy Homemaker. I think what really needs to happen is your husband needs to take a stand and help you deal with her. It wasn't her decision to make you guys hold off the wedding it was yours (the two of you) and I'm guessing he leaned towards her ways. Talk to your husband and if he genuinely has a problem with the lil postman then come up with a solution together. If he wants this as much as you do then ask him to stand up for you to her. She shouldn't have a say in your skills, your parenting, or your life. Yes, her input is greatly appreciated but ultimately it is your life (yours and your husbands) and if he is fine with Ragu then so be it! If you want to make her included then call randomly an ask for recipes or how to get a spot out of the carpet (vinegar works best but ask her opinion) and maybe she will see you try and want what's best for her son and yours. Otherwise limit her progress report on what's going on and maybe she'll get it. Good luck!

Answer 3

As much as you may hate it, that is his mother. He needs to be the one that tells her to back off. He needs to tell her, if she wants to be a part of anything in your all's life then she will shape up or ship out. My best friend was going through the same thing. They told the beast that if she wanted anything to do with her new grandson, then she will start doing some heavy soul searching, and keep her mouth shut. She didn't even go to her own sons wedding, because she was so freakin stubborn.
Your mother in law needs to stay out of things. Don't ever tell her anything that could give her ammo later. She sounds just a stubborn as my friends mother in law. She needs to be told, that this is her sons family, if she has anything negative to say, then she doesn't have to come around.
Also, there is no understanding that your husband has to deal with this either. He does not have to deal with this, nor should he put up with it. You are his wife. It's time to cut the cord!!

Answer 4

First off, your fiancee should be handling his mother, not you. If he fails to do so, beware!

Secondly as far as you are concerned, whenever anyone in your fiancees family is mean or rude, you should immediately call them on it. I don't mean argue with them about any particular issue but immediately ask her why she is being so rude or why is she being so mean? Put her on the defensive and make her constantly (and I mean CONSTANTLY) have to justify what she is saying or doing.

This is the "find someone else to pick on" approach. If it becomes impossible for her to ever get away with her poor behavior she will either leave you alone or watch her step. But you must be relentless. Instead of playing the role of her victim play the role of her analyst, you know keep asking why she thinks that or why does she do that etc. If she tries to claim that she was not being insulting or rude then ask her what she would say if she was trying to be rude.

This is all you can do in your role. Your would be husband should keep his mother under control by laying down the law to her when no one else is around. He should let her know that you are going to be his wife and if she doesn't like it, it will cause him to have to choose between her and you and she would not like his choice. But that is for him to do, not you.

.

Answer 5

Please accept my empathy!! I feel terrible for you! I think it says a lot that your husband is even annoyed with his mother, and, yes, you both have to deal with her, but I wonder if maybe he hasn't really stood up to her himself. I think the burden to do something lies with him. He needs to stick up for himself and for you, his wife.
I think both of you need to do that. Next time she does some "evil" thing that offends the two of you, don't just be nice. Still be respectful, but put your foot down! Assert that neither one of you will stand to be treated that way. If that doesn't work, then limit the times you talk to her or see her. That should get your point through, I hope.
You are all adults here, and you would not tolerate being treated that way by any other adult. Just because she is your mother in law does not giver her the right to treat you any differently than anyone else, and it does not give you reason to not stand up for yourself.

I really hope you are able to get past this! Good luck and I will be thinking of you!

Answer 6

I know it's a very difficult situation... Have you talked to your husband? This can be a very tricky thing, you have to be careful with the words you use, but try to explain how you feel.
You could even try talking to her-as a woman to woman. Explain that she wouldn't like to be in your shoes.; that she too once got married to somebody's son, that her mother-in-law might have felt the same way she does now. Explain that her behavior makes it hard on you; tell her that you love her son as much as she does, and that you don't wanna take him from her; that you know how important her relationship with her son is. Tell her that you all want to be happy together. If she really cares for her son she will understand.
Hope everything turns out fine.

Answer 7

Are we married to the same man? My mother-in-law is the same way. It only gets worse when you get married. I think the worse thing she has ever done to me is when we moved out of state for my husband's job she blamed me for it. Then get this she called family services and made false reports saying that I neglect and abuse my kids and she tried to get custody. So they came and did an interview and knew she was lying. She has never apologized. 3 years later she finally came to spend a couple weeks with us and now we get along great. Dunno what happened but we get along now.
No matter how awful she is to you it always gets better. If she is mean to you give it right back to her, it will set her in her place. Good luck on your wedding :-)

Answer 8

If you want this relationship to workout, then you need to get HER OUT of your lives. Her digs will always eat away at you, so you'll never be fully happy. Tell HER that a mother should never come between a husband and wife, if possible move further away from her, don't answer her calls, if she insults you bring peoples attention to it and point her out in front of them. She's just a jealous cow trying to hold on to her son, if my mother-in-law treated me like that, I would have kicked her out of my life years ago!!

Answer 9

{{{HUG}}}
Your MIL, sounds like my paternal grandmother-and at times we wondered if she really liked my dad!!! I have to tell you how my mother dealt with her. She was civil, let her say her piece, and went about her own business as usual. And guess what? My mom is neat and tidy, and business oriented, can keep a budget, keep my dad in check about 80% of the time, yet still shows him love and respect when he messes up. My grandmother passed away 8 years ago.(Bad, but thank God. The woman was nasty. I loved her out of obligation, and tried to respect her as best as I could. I let her have it one day for berating my dad about marrying my mother...Anyway...)
My father also found his mother annoying. But, out of biblical obligation to honor his mother, he did until the day she died. I know you love this man, otherwise you wouldn't be marrying him. Just do your best to bite your tongue in her presence, then demand your husband treat you to a new outfit or dinner out as a reward for every time you don't bite her head off.
Hope this makes sense. I'm hopped up on caffeine.
Blessings to you, and congrats on getting married. This will teach you patience if nothing else, right?

Answer 10

Your husband is the problem he can put a stop to it tell you what I mean. My MoM did the same crap to my wife and I caught her at it my wife was always nervouse and cryed alot she realy tried hard to be excepted by my MoM but to no avail .So I told my MoM to pack her stuff and get out now that never changed my MOM but it made us happy she was out of our lives with her crap. Now I do regreat I never got to tell her I love her and good by before she died but it was something as a man I felt I had to do. My wife felt bad about her passing to and wished things was different between them. So he iis the problem