Does any one has a good relationship with their exes?

Question

I am married for the 2nd and last time. No more marraiges for me after the 2nd one..My ex, my husband and I had a fair relationship for the sake of the children. It was more of give and take situation. Everything was good. Until my ex found a girlfriend that is when everything went south. The ex communication for the children went from hardly any to none at all...The children can speak with their father anytime they want, but as our oldest says, if dad doesn't want to contact us why should we ( is been like this for over a year). For my understanding he married this woman who has 3 older children which dramatist every little thing. My husband and I try to keep it cool. As if there is no family problems already. We don't need drama, but for my ex to have a good relationship with the children. For the 3 of us to get along. One thing, the children, my husband and I don't need and want my ex's new (3rd wife) in our family, she is not welcome. She caused too much damage, stress, headaches.

My husband is been taking my ex's financial resposibility while my ex doesn't want to send any money to help raise them. I have asked him to help me or pay half of the two oldest dental. His asnwer has been;" You left me, is your problem, solve it".My husband has said not to worry about paying anything for the kids that he will take care of the finance situation. My problem is morality which my ex lack before and still does. My ex's 1st wife, I had no choice but to get along with her because of their two sons. And his family loved her and still do. Now these two sons of theirs are adults with family of their own (oh yeah, no jobs). My ex and his formal wife financially support them (total of grandchildren 3). I am not bitter; heck, is the best thing I ever did leave him. My husband is one in a million. He loves the kids like if they were his own blood. My husband and I would like for my ex to communicate with the kids so there will be no bitterness in the future. Also no finger pointin

Answer 1

Like your son said "if dad doesn't contact us why should we". Let it go and be happy with your life.

Answer 2

Wow, that is a long story. I feel that your kids father, your ex, should certainly be in their lives and should communicate with them. If he does not, this will be his loss. He should have a relationship with them and a co-parenting relationship with you. Your relationship with your ex should be a business-like relationship only and be in contact concerning the kids only. Therefore, you do not have to welcome his new wife into your family and it should not be necessary to do so. Your ex and his new wife have their own life together now. This does not excuse your ex from stopping communication with his children and it is his responsibility to continue that regardless of who he is now married to. It is a sad situation for which you have no control over. Your children will form their own opinions of their dad and what he does, so just let it go. Don't say anything good or bad about him or the new wife. You can only do what you can do, so just be there for them, as I am sure you are. He is only required, financially to pay what was ordered in the divorce decree, so make sure you are getting that support. Sounds like you have a wonderful husband now, so that is such a good thing. It must be hard to see your kids hurt like this and just give them a secure home with you, that is all you can really do. Best of luck and sounds like you are doing a good job!!

Answer 3

You say that you want no bitterness and no finger pointing. But there is plenty of that in your question. I'm sure that in real life, you convey plenty of that when you have to deal with your children's father. And you lay down rules, such as shutting his third wife out, so that everyone has to stick to your rules or they can't play the game.
No surprise, then, that your husband isn't in communication with his kids.
He may be a guy who has a lot of problems and faults and maybe you are better off with your current husband. But you can't make the environment welcoming for him to participate in his children's lives and dictate what role everyone is supposed to play. It just won't work.
Bottom line: it's not going to work so you have to change your attitude. I know it's painful because you have issues with him. Obviously! If you were really over those issues, you wouldn't be squawking so much about your ex and his wife; you would be more relaxed. So give a little, lighten up, and stop trying to 'run the show.' Invite your ex into your children's lives and stop trying to punish his third wife.

Answer 4

It is sad that your children's father isn't in contact with them. Over time it is my bet that he will call and reestablish a reationship with them. My relationship with my ex is great. He was a horriable husband, when I left him I didn't think that we would ever be able to hold a conversation about anything. We for the most part keep it about our child when we talk. He has come to the house on several occassions, brought his girlfriends with him, helped my husband move a peice of furniture....all quick visits for our child to either show the girl of the moment her room, the pool or what ever else she wants to show them. It is healthy for our child to know that there is no tension and that she is loved to the point that she has two homes where every one is welcomed. Egos are both an asset and a liability. Where my ex is concerned, I really don't need it, after all it is our break up that led me to my current and wonderful husband. This woman that your ex is with, if you are going to have a civil relationship with your ex, has to be somewhat accepted for your children to have a shot at a cohesive relationship with their father.....she doesn't have to be a part of your family at all, she just has to be accepted.....simple but very hard at the same time. Thank her in your prayers for taking the last husband so that you had the opportunity to find the new one. I am certain he is better. Good luck.

Answer 5

You say you're not bitter, than why don't you want your ex's new wife in your family. Because you know what you have no choice. That's his wife now, not you. She has every right to be in the family, because she married your kid's father. You really need to get over it. It seems like you're bitter because he's taking care of his new wifes kids and not yours. So sorry so sad for you. I mean you're remarried as well, have your new husband help you. And leave your ex alone. Obviously he is happy with his new life and wants nothing to do with you. And if your kids don't like their dads new wife, well then tough ****. They're going to have to get over it. That is their stepmother & they need to respect her, whether they like it or not. I think you should just leave him alone and let him be happy with his new family. And do the same for yourself. Why is it ok for you to be remarried, but as soon as your ex got remarried thats when everything went south for you. Why is that. Why were your kids ok with your new husband, but not with their dad's new wife. It's like a double standard there. I don't think that's fair at all for your ex. No wonder he doesn't want to deal with you or your kids anymore. I don't blame him!

Answer 6

I was married for 32yrs, divorced after 36. I didn't have contact at all with my ex-husband, until about 5yrs ago when he turned up on my doorstep. I am in a new relationship, and have been for the past 15yrs. Partner is now, best friends with my ex-husband, who stays at our place when ever he is in town, which is about every 6 weeks. In fact partner and ex are on the phone to each other more times than I am. It is like one happy family. Both of them were at the hospital to pick me up after day surgery. That caused a great stir. No it is nice to be friends with the father of your child.

Answer 7

Wow...I feel for you. I myself am a child of a similar situation. I remember saying the same thing about my dad as your child did. As I got older, I found myself cutting all communication off with my dad. Today, I don't speak to him at all. Like you, my mom remarried and my step dad has supported me since the age of 10 (i am now 24) in neglect of my dad's child support which he never paid (we were in court for over six years before we discovered they had better things to do than chase a dead beat dad.) Interestingly enough, my mom also took my dad to court when I was young to try to get him to split the bill for my braces, which we have never seen a penny of.
Saying that, do your best and move on. You have found an amazing man to be your new husband and whether or not is seems like it, your children will love you for it. They know who is taking care of them and will have a respect for him that they will never have for their real dad. I remember giving my step father the hardest time growing up, but when I hit about 17 I looked back, and saw the whole picture. Needless to say, when I say "dad" I am referring to my step dad. I was angry as well when father adopted the child of his new wife, forgetting to send me birthday cards or call me every other week. My dad is now unemployed and divorced for the second time.
You do not have to include your ex's new wife in your family. Unfortunately, you do have to be civil if for no one's elses sake, but your childrens. Keep strong and things will eventually work themselves out. The would be victims in these situations are always the children, but with your new husband taking care of them they way he is, it makes a world of difference.

Answer 8

Well the first thing is get over the fact that he is remarried ..The new wife is about of this like it or not ....
She might be a b-tch and in that case i would ask to meet with your ex on this subject matter and let him know how you feel and if the children are not to young ask them to sit in as well to tell dad how they feel. Do not !!! have your husband sit in on this one .The fact is your ex can say well his new wife doesn't went me to do soooo en sooo,,, this might not be the case . !!!The fact might be he is in the middle of his children and his new wife . He might choices the new wife due to the fact that is who he has to deal with .
In the case when i was growning up ...My dad would blame everything on his wife Paula ...So as kids we hated this woman...When in fact as you grow and had children of our owne ..We soon looked back and saw thing weren't as he made them out to be ...There is no one who would tell me that i couldn't see my children or catch hell for it ...There are ways around that ..So we found out it was all my dad's doing on why he didn't went to see us he could have found away.
It's sad but you can't make him do any thing . the best thing i can tell you is take care of what is undre your roof ...The children will see him for what he is one day ...and one day he will be calling them wenting to spend time with or be apart of there lives .

Answer 9

I get along well with both of my ex's. We talk over the phone and the computer, we keep each other up to date on the kids and family. It's pretty awesome. I also get along with both of my ex's new wives as well.... we really are just one huge happy family where we are all focused on what is best for the kids.

Answer 10

long story short.. my ex has never like too many people since i have known him unless he is getting something from them... he dearly loved me.. but hated my folks as well,,, didn't want me around anyone...
he only liked(loved) his family...and half the time i think he hated them.. anyway... after many years.. now.. we get along well... i have not taken any of his bs for many years now and he no's now i will not...
so for the sake of our son.. he has changed..
but women have to stay strong.. and do what is in the best interest of their children...
stand and make ur point and don't back down..
once ur divorced u owe him nothing...
but i have good relationships with about 4 ole relationships not husbands.. !!! they all know there boundaries..

Answer 11

Honestly, I like my ex's wife. I don't want to be with him, but I still love him enough to want him to be happy. If she makes him happy (& wants to put up with his s***, lol) then good for her!!
We get along just fine. My ex and I are still very good friends. Our son is his (& my) only child and we all work for what is best for him.
I'm sorry the father of your children is such a schmuck. I agree with the girl who said to go and file for child support. Legally it doesn't matter who left who. He helped to create children & he needs to take financial responsibility for them.
Good luck & congratulations on finding a good man!!!