My boyfriend and I have been living together for awhile although he is only separated from his wife. We have been trying to make things work, but it's tough sometimes. He recently overheard me talking with a friend about looking for another job in another state so I can start over.
He acted distant after that and ended up hanging out with his wife and her cousin and husband. Then last night, he came home and announced that he had to move home for the sake of his daughter. We talked about it for a long time, and I told him he should pack his bags and go back home. I even told him that I could move out while he is on a trip for work.
He said that he wants to do the responsible thing and go home for his daughter. I said they should just get divorced because this isn't healthy either way.
He said that he was convinced he was going home until he saw me and talked to me. He told his wife he would be back after he talked to me, but he stayed with me. Why?
2007-09-09 23:19:37 · 18 answers · asked by torn 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This is a tough one. On the one hand you could say he's trying to have his cake and eat it too. I seems he wants to stay with you, but he also wants to maintain a relationship with his ex-wife.
On the other hand, it sounds like he's really confused. Obviously he and his wife separated for a reason and he met someone else. It should be as simple as him getting a divorce so he can start a new life. But then he seems to feel obligate to attempt a reconciliation with his wife.
I'm afraid there probably won't be any winners no matter how this turns out. You probably need to put him to a decision: either he needs to file for divorce and choose to be with you or he needs to move out and go deal with his marriage.
At the same time, it sounds like you need to make a decision about this guy. If you're thinking of moving to another state to start over, then maybe it means you are ready to end this relationship. I think you also need to decide what you want.
I'm not going to fault the guy for getting together with you since he was separated from his wife, but he certainly seems to be making a real mess of things.
2007-09-09 23:30:24 · answer #1 · answered by Justin H 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He won't go home because he is comfortable where he is. He has a wife and a girlfriend. Most likely his wife won't take him back. Would you let him back in your bed after he had been living with a girlfriend?
Time to let him go. The unhealthy relationship is the one you 2 have. I was young, stupid and insecure and in your position before, so I'm not knocking you. But trust me when I say, get rid of him. You deserve better.
You can't possibly have a committed healthy relationship as long as he is still married. How can he possibly fully commit to you while he still has a WIFE? Has he made any effort to file for divorce? Or is he just living with you and letting the divorce ride? Full of excuses? A wife and a girlfriend, wow, Don't you think he's being a little selfish?
Give yourself more credit and find a fellow just for you. Don't settle for this man you have to share with another woman. The only thing a bad man in your life will do is keep a good man away.
2007-09-09 23:32:12 · answer #2 · answered by Tina B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
who knows why he is doing what he is doing, but he's only giving you heartache.
you are right that he should get a divorce, it seems like he doesn't have enough faith in your relationship to completely cut the ties with the old one. although with children involved, things can be difficult for other reasons.
either way, until he's divorced completely, you are going to be dealing with a man who is openly saying that you're not the only woman in his life.
he has some hard decisions to make but you shouldn't let him stomp all over your heart while trying to figure out what he wants in life. a real man and a good boyfriend will let you know that you're his only one. why stay tied down to this guy when that other guy is out there on the loose?
2007-09-09 23:29:17 · answer #3 · answered by Sancho Nelson Reiley 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Although it seems that the other answers are geared toward discussing him as a loser (which is true), I'm having trouble having sympathy for you.
HE'S MARRIED! Or did that escape you? Let me explain...SEPARATED IS NOT DIVORCED. And for you to tell him to get a divorce is totally out of line. You shouldn't even be having a relationship with him...much less giving him marital advice. Your opinion doesn't matter because you are the "other woman". You don't like to think of yourself as one because he is "separated". Come on! You knew better.
There are consequences to seeing a married man. You are discovering them.
Why don't you go ahead and make that move to another state and away from him. If you weren't in the picture he might have worked on his marriage.
I may be harsh, but we come to y/a for honest opinions. This is mine.
2007-09-10 01:21:39 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he doesn't really know what he wants. You should just move on with your life and not sit around and wait for him to make a decision. After all he is still married and not truly yours. The more you wait the harder it will be and at the end he might go back to his wife.
2007-09-09 23:47:39 · answer #5 · answered by MZ. Latina 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will be riding a miserable roller coaster if you continue in this situation. This man can't even commit to a decision, much less to anything else. Don't let him ruin your life with his indecisiveness. This could go on until the child is grown and leaves home. Why put yourself through the drama. Move on and do what you think you need to do for yourself.
2007-09-09 23:28:36 · answer #6 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
in my experience the kid is used as an excuse. he is trying to keep you sweet by giving you the guilt trip (don`t fall for it). you are better of making the decision for him, leave him go do what you want to do travel to another state and start all over, if he truly loves you and wants to be with you then he follow you, and if he doesn't then you weren`t meant to be in which case settle down and move on.
2007-09-09 23:53:18 · answer #7 · answered by sara d 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because the dirty lying rat wants to keep you on the side while he's at home with his wife and daughter. I wouldn't even bother with someone who can use their child as a lame excuse to go home. You deserve better.
2007-09-09 23:23:14 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Help him to go....he's just not that in to you. "Has to move home for the sake of his daughter......" ? Wasn't this daughter there when he chose the path he's currently on? Your relationship sounds like you might be making a commitment to indecision if you stay in it, and unhappiness.
2007-09-10 00:00:44 · answer #9 · answered by Debbie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not so sure he was telling u the truth....???
she may not want him back for good...
she just wanted to see him again... to make u mad..
but u do need to get out of this...
NEVER MESS WITH A MARRIED MAN..,
wait until he is divorced...
they r looking to bed up with someone..
until they can decide what it is they really want..
so it was good while it lasted..MOVE ON... ASAP.....
2007-09-09 23:41:37 · answer #10 · answered by ♥ Blondie ♥ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋