He keeps putting other people ahead of our marriage. I have always come second to his job and I have come to accept that but it seems that I come second to everything and everyone. When he's home he just wants to watch t.v. He can't be bothered with me or my problems. He leaves his cell phone on 24/7 and gets work calls at all hours. Even on his days off. I ask him to turn the phone off when he isn't working but he won't and he often ends up at work for some reason or another. About a year ago he decided it would be a good idea to invite my uncle and cousin to move where we live. He brought them from Ve3gas and helped them on their feet. I begged him not to do this because my uncle had molested me when I was 9. He ignored my pleas and did it anyway. Then he moved them right across the street from us about 6 months later. We've finally moved about 45 minutes away but still... Now he has a cousin living here that moved in with my uncle. I told her what my uncle did because she has kids.
2007-09-09 20:26:28 · 28 answers · asked by Jules 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
His cousin chose not to believe me and told her sister I was a lying B****. I was only trying to keep her kids safe. She moved in with my uncle and started using him as a babysitter! I was angry. My husband yelled at me about it and said I had to get over being molested and his cousin had to work so she needed my uncle to watch the kids because I wouldn't after she started trouble with me. He asked me, his wife, why did I think I deserved my kids and she didn't? My husband, who told me she lost her kids for doing drugs (she only has visitation) asked me this. How could he be so cruel. He and his cousin had me crying for a month straight. They made me relive my abusive childhood and they stood united against me. He even brought her to our home while this as going on after I begged him not to. He just ignored me and brought her here. I had to stay in my bedroom for hours. Then about a week ago his cousin went after my grandma.
2007-09-09 20:31:19 · update #1
She charged onto my grandma's bedroom screaming in her face with her finger at the tip of my grandma's nose. She even ripped my grandma's phone out of the wall to prevent her from calling me. I called the police and my husband. My husband got to the house first and he talked the cops out of arresting his cousin. He then tried to put everything on my very old grandmother. I went off on his cousin and he stuck up for her and yelled at me. His cousin told me that blood is thicker than water and he said nothing in my defense. I mean, c'mon. I'm his wife and I had his baby. doesn't that count for anything? Now, he has moved someone in with us that I don't want here. I told him not to and beggedhim to send this person home and he won't do it. This person is a friend of mine. Not his. He's drama and I don't want him here around my children. I have always stood by my husband and his decisions.
2007-09-09 20:36:08 · update #2
He used to fight with my dad a lot. When he told me he did not wantmy father in our home anymore I stood by that decision. Soon after that we had a problem with his dad andhe chose his father over me though. My grandma used to live with us. When he said he wanted her to move out I stood by that decision. I have lost family and friends since I married this man. I have always chosen him and put him first. I just wonder if I will ever come first for him. If that makes me selfish and needy then so be it. I think I deserve to be treated better. I cook his food, take care of our kids, clean his house, wash everyone's clothes, take care of our pets. I do a lot. I am a very busy woman. I volunteer a lot too. I even babysit kids he volunteers me for and drive them to school with mine. He is always volunteering me as if he owns me. He calls me names a lot. Yes, I do yell back. Shouldn't I? I hope I can get some real advice. Idon't need the put downs. My husband does that enough.
2007-09-09 20:41:40 · update #3
I massage his feet every night after work. I have tried to plan a weekly date night even if it's just something at home nd he is not interested. If I try to talk to him casually ( I don't always want to talk about problems ) he tells me he's watching t.v. He has no time for his family and when he is off he could take the time but he chooses to make those days about work too. I don't think I am wrong to expect him to take SOME time for family.
2007-09-09 20:51:01 · update #4
I don't know that my uncle would molest again but if he did and I said nothing them i would be responsible for it too. I can not let that be on my head.
2007-09-09 20:52:32 · update #5
I have been with him for 6 years. And just so no one thinks I have mislead, he hasnever hit me.
2007-09-09 21:00:59 · update #6
He has already refused marriage couseling...
2007-09-09 21:09:18 · update #7
I have not gone to the police about my uncle, no, but I have told everyone in my family and anyone who brings kids around him. I do not KEEP QUIET. I do not want to have him arrested. He is old and sickly and it would make trouble in my family. I did my part when I let my husbands cousin know about my uncle. It is her job to protect her children and in my opinion she is the one commiting the crime by leaving her kids with him. She does not deserve children. She is a horrible mother to not take what I said seriously and to endanger her kids. SHE WAS WARNED! She only has visitation with the kids and to me she is working on losing it. There isn't anymore I can do for her children. I have my own to take care of.
2007-09-10 05:45:51 · update #8
This is a lot of crap to go through! I will give you some good advice....dump the loser! He will never change and you will ALWAYS be last on his list! Take everything you can and do not tell him where you are going. Get out of there before he abuses you any more! Protect your grandmother, apologize to your dad! Squirrel away some money, take everything of value to you and leave. He is not worth it. Do not tell him you are leaving. Who knows what he will do if he thinks you are going? Get the upper hand and consult an attorney to see if you can be compensated for all the abuse you had to endure during the marriage. How long have you and this guy been married? Demand alimony and do not let him off the hook. Hit him where it hurts....his wallet! Keep away from him and find a REAL man to keep you safe and appreciate you! Run as fast as you can! Oh, you are right, he does NOT love you!
Edit: Emotional abuse IS abuse! He has abused and neglected you long enough! If you take this and always do what you've always done, you will get what you've always got......the same old thing! He will not change, probably never! Do you want to hang around wasting your life on him? You need to get counseling at a battered women's shelter. You will find that emotional abuse is just as bad a physical abuse! My advice is the same....get out while you can with as much as you can. Have no compassion for him, he has none for you!
2007-09-09 20:57:41 · answer #1 · answered by SHOCKWAVE 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
So, basically, she left him, married someone else and then found out the new guy was no prince? Your husband is a fool. She's probably happy enough when her husband is giving her what she wants, and only "loves" yours (or other men) when she is feeling ignored. Point this out to your husband, and tell him that because he fell for this, you've lost respect for him. Tell him you want to be married to someone who is going to love you for you and won't be so eager to let another woman invade your lives. You say this to make him dislike her. My guess is that he said those things because he was so flattered by her attention. It would be very hard to ignore someone who had left you for someone else coming back and saying they regretted the decision. However, many men would have cheated and he didn't. That tells me that he really DOES love you but was caught up in the flattery of the moment. I would stay married if he starts to see her for what she is ... a troublemaker ... but not if he's going to keep her on pedestal. Good luck.
2016-04-03 23:56:36 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's one for him to be serious about his job and sometimes let it invade his private life, but completely ignoring your feelings on a subject as important as childhood molestation is just totally messed up. I was molested as a child and if my significant other stepped all over my emotions like that she would cease to be my partner. He should offer you support and be there for you when you need him. That's one of the most important things a spouse can do. Your needs are being neglected sweetheart. Badly!! You've been honest with him about this so I think it's probably ultimatum time. iether this stops or I leave. It's that simple. Stand your ground on this one dear. It's a dealbreaker. Don't let him make your life miserable. You might be needy, but if you're not getting what you need from him, why bother. Find another way to fullfill your life. I'm sorry that you have to put up with that. It's awful and I can't imagine. Good luck.
2007-09-09 20:45:28 · answer #3 · answered by B. Nowlin 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I can't believe how heartless your family and the other people who have replied have been to you. You need to get out of your situation. You need to go to an abused woman shelter and figure out what you want to do next. They can help you and have counselors to deal with all this. Your husband is trying to hurt you and it will only get worse at this point.
ANd it seems as if your family won't take your side in this, so, you need to do what is best for you and leave and start over some place else.
I would also start to get some better friends and spend more time with people who care about your feelings and opinions. Good luck.
2007-09-09 20:37:07 · answer #4 · answered by dancam1 3 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Hunny you have to leave this man - he is obviously ignoring your feelings and to me it doesnt sound like he even cares about u or ur feelings!
Get out of this marriage before it gets worse!
You have to do this for yourself - why would u settle for this when u know there are plenty of men out there who would treat you like a queen!
Move out and move on darl.. This man dosnt respect u and chooses to put everyone and everything before u!
You are the last priority on his list - doesnt that say something??
i think you already know what u have to do - but u need a 2nd opinion... Well the mojority of those who have answered your question recommend that you stand your ground... And i dont know how you can deal with this kind of behaviour from anyone!
You deserve to be happy and you deserve so much more than this...
Do yourself a favour hunny and get out og there as fast as you can!
Start now!!!
Good luck darl....
xoxox
2007-09-09 21:02:45 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He doesn't seem to respect your feelings at all. The questions is--Whay have you been putting up with that for so many years? I would have confronted him, the very first time he disrespected me, and laid down the law. How would he feel if you disrespected him that way? I can understand the work if he is on call, but to purposely defy your feelings about the uncle and placing his cousin's children in that position too!!! He definitely needs an attitude adjustment, and soon!
2007-09-09 20:35:47 · answer #6 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Despite what your husband is doing my red flag went up the minute you mentioned the uncle molesting you why havent you rang child safety and reported him as a past molester ? I know how hard it is but girl seriously do you want it on your conscience? believe me if did touch you he hasnt stopped and right now he's in heaven , get your scum bag husband out of your life and get the scum bag uncle put away , my uncle finally got charged for molesting 16 of his nieces and nephews and that included me you need to act now or can you live with knowing your torment is now being suffered by another child because you refused to speak out?.
2007-09-09 21:39:23 · answer #7 · answered by JadeyOz 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
(Edited response. )
The more info you provide, the worse this seems. You need to file for divorce.
I somehow feel that you are afraid of how you will survive financially without him.
Plan your work and work your plan, beloved. You sound like a strong person who tried to do the right thing in her marriage and stick by her spouse. You've done enough for that marriage.
If you have access to your own financial resources, get a good attorney and move forward. Ask for everything you need to take care of yourself and your kids. And ask for restitution for the emotional abuse you've suffered at his hands. Ask for money to do whatever it takes for you to earn a living on your own.
If you need to build your finances up, get a job and keep a separate account for yourself that he can not access and drain. He may try to clear and freeze bank accounts if you leave.
Keep building yourself up emotionally and protect your kids from the madness as much as you can.
2007-09-09 20:45:35 · answer #8 · answered by QueenBeeFee 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes sounds like your husband couldn't care less about your feelings specially if you told him not to bring this man near you after he mulested you and he still does.
Also being so busy and having many excuses to be away from you and off to work always sounds like he's playing around too.
as far as american men being the worst for fooling around. Europeans do also and many other nationalities so its just not american men. Depends what kind you get and how they think.
You don't sound needy he completely avoids you. Why are you hanging around .. YOu can go on your own way.
2007-09-09 20:34:16 · answer #9 · answered by For ever in my Heart 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Time to stop talking to him and go straight to his cousin with the kids.
Maybe your hubby has a hearing problem and you need a mega horn!
No more pussyfooting around, you need to be heard now.
Maybe call his cell phone!
He is not being a very good spouse. God said they shall marry and become one, your husband is totally not taking you feelings into consideration and bottom line, your uncle is a criminal not to mention a pervert.
Make yourself heard and if hubby does not listen, get louder and talk to your family.
You have rights and you were a victim, don't continue to be one, stand up!
2007-09-09 20:35:22 · answer #10 · answered by kitty 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋