Husband In Love With Someone Else?

Question

I have a husband in the air force. We have been together for three years and got married this August of last year. We have been very happy but today I found out that he was in love with another woman before we got married. That was during the time we were still together. We are happily married but I feel I need to confront him. Should I forgive him?

I was only snooping around when I found the letters they wrote to each other and he professed his love for her. This hurts me very deeply because it is not the first time.

Answer 1

if he isn't pursuing the relationship with the other woman, why bother confronting him???

you want to wreck your marriage after so short a time???

just ask him about it... but don't become angry and confrontational...

Answer 2

This is very hard to except but you have been married to this man for 3 years and now you found out hes in love with another woman before you got married. That was the time when you were still together your happily married now but need to confront him. if your happily married now why do you need to forgive him your not over it and i belive your marriage is not as happy as you say.

best of luck

Answer 3

If you are happy now, then don't get crazy and mess things up. I totally understand how you would feel. It sound like he didn't tell you about this. So how can someone else know what he was feeling? And the person who told you, why would they do that, do they have a reason to drive a wedge between the two of you?

If he was the one who told you, then go ahead and talk things out. If this is second hand you can tell him what this person told you and ask him what he thinks. Be prepared for an answer you don't want to hear.

He may have been getting over someone when he met you. Obviously he worked through his feelings for this woman and he married you. If he wasn't happy about this decision you both wouldn't be happy together now. Just remember he pledged himself to you, forever, that means so much. If you can't get past this, ask him about it, but do it respectfully and don't judge him.

I hope you feel better about all this soon. It's terrible to be stressed out about stuff like this. This will pass and you may get to know the man you married even better and understand him more.

Answer 4

Yes you should confront him and let him know that he has hurt you very deeply, listen you need to make a decision, a very hard decision. With all things considered he has broken the trust not only this time but another time too, trust is fragile, and sometimes things happen in a marriage or relationship and it cannot be repaired because to much damage has been done. Remember this is your life how do you want to spend it wondering everyday if it is gonna happen again, or are you gonna allow your self to have a life free of this uneeded stress?

Answer 5

DO NOT CONFRONT HIM!!!! Put the letters back where you found them and then one day while you are "cleaning up" accidentally find them and ask him WITHOUT OPENING THEM what they are. Accept any answer he gives and make sure he throws them away. Let him keep his secret. BUT I would be vigilant in the future. You have him and she doesn't. This happened before you were married, together or not, but it is over. That does not mean you are a door mat for any of his actions in the future. My wife is not the first woman I fell in love with. She is the one I am with and have been with for the last twenty years. May you and your husband be so lucky.

Answer 6

I think you have to consider your sources in this matter. People are always too happy to tell stories to make you feel insecure in your marriage. Some try to corrupt your marriage in the early years and it's for you to maintain a good communication with your husband in these matters. Hopefully he will feel the same way toward communications such as these. Put the fire out as it happends immediately, get it past the two of you and move on.

Answer 7

just remember he married you not her if she is still apart of his life then i would confront him about it i was myself in love with someone before i was married im sure you had relationships to sometimes a man says stupid things did he do it to anger you or shake you up a bit but if the love was so real with the other women why is the ring on your finger forget the past cause you werent exactly cheated you won in the end god bless

Answer 8

IF u r happily married, then why stir up problems. This occurred BEFORE u got married, he chose u over her so why confront him, apparently he`s gotten over the other woman, if he is happy too. That`s history now, forget about it.

Answer 9

You are both still young I firmly believe that everyone needs a second chance if it is worthy of, You choose to marry the man and you should know if it is worth another spin.

Answer 10

I wouldn't. It will convey insecurity and fear on your part. He is much more likely to be in love and stay in love with a confident, self assured woman than one who is worried about rejection.


You want to portray and convey to him that you are fully capable on your own, but that decided to complicate your life a little by allowing him into it. That way he will never want to dissapoint you lest you decide it isn't worth the bother.

Keep yourself in the drivers seat.

Answer 11

Well if you asked me if your "happily" married then he would not have cheated on you, but on the other hand he might have ben lonley but then agian once you say i do thats it...its ok in my mind to think about someone eles but not to go on and do it once you both are wearing rings...tell him you need some space, clear the air and get your mind right then make up your mind..