stop butting in my marriage.. this is causing a lot of problems...
2007-09-09 17:51:58 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Meet with them and have a heart to heart talk with them. Start out by saying that you love them and respect them but, their butting in your marriage is going to put an end to your marriage if they don't quit. Tell them that if it continues that they will just have to stay away from you and your husband. That you want your marriage to work, and that you love your husband very much too. Good luck.
2007-09-09 17:59:59 · answer #1 · answered by darlene z 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sweet Pea there is never an easy way. A marriage is a bond between a husband and wife and if something or someone is interfering you should just let them know. the best way to keep parents out of you marriage is don't talk to them about the hardships that may happen or come along. the less problems they know about in your marriage the less input they will have. God Bless!
2007-09-10 01:03:51 · answer #2 · answered by b n real 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I honestly don't think you need to say anything. Not out loud anyways.
I have had this problem for quite some time and I finally realized that the best way to get them to butt out is to keep them out in the first place.
You see, there is a temptation sometimes to call you mom or your sister or something when you have an argument with your husband...
If you are struggling financially, sometimes you might inadvertently complain about your spouses spending habits...
If you are feeling overwhelmed with chose at home, sometimes you might drop a comment like "For the love of god, you would think his gym socks might just ACCIDENTLY end up in the laundry at least once a year..."
It's these little things that we say to or in front of our family members that give the impression that they are welcome into our private lives.
From now on, you have to be very careful about what nuggets of information that you share with them...what comments you drop in front of them.
Be sure to sing each other's praises and build each other up in the eyes of your family. Any small problems can be worked out between the two of you.
If one of your parents make a comment or tries to meddle...just say "Mom/Dad, I appreciate that you are trying to be helpful. But...."
you can say any one of the following:
Something like "I am with hubby on this one" or "we support each other fully" or something like that. Show a little solidarity and unity and they won't feel the need to jump in as much.
It's tought but you will be surprised at how much easier your life becomes when you display a united front to the world...
2007-09-10 02:17:43 · answer #3 · answered by joellemoe 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
SAY........."Please stop caring so much (butting in) in my marriage as this is causing us problems".
FULL STOP!!!
Don't make the sentence too long.
Wait for the response..... which will probably be defensive, loud and long!
Repeat as necessary! You don't need to go into lengthy explanations. It's you're business.
Tell them you love them!
2007-09-10 01:30:23 · answer #4 · answered by Carole H 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You tell them to stop butting in your marriage. that you have your life and do not need them to tell you how to deal with problems in your marriage when it does not concern them. Sometimes we have to be firm with our parents because they feel even though we are grown that they have every say in what we do in our lives and that they are looking out for us. We have to learn to make mistakes on our own and not have our parents dictate what they want us to do. That is how a lot of marriages fall apart because parents think they have rights to tell us what is right and wrong in our lives and that the person we married is not right when they just are not ready for us to grow up and they can not deal with that we do not need them anymore. Be up front with them and let them know that you are not trying to hurt them but it is your life and you have to fix it and with them interfering will only make it worse when it should not have to go that far. There is only so much a woman can take when a man can not deal with problems in a relationship and the parents want to tell both what to do and he is not trying to stand up for her and let them know that they need to mind their business and let them deal with it. If you do not want this woman to walk you need to talk to your parents, they could be breaking up a marriage that could really last a long time if they stay out of it.
2007-09-10 01:08:42 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't really be too gentle with them. If subtly worked I am sure they would have gotten the message by now. However, you need to set boundaries and tell your parents what those boundaries are in no uncertain terms. Then if they choose to over step them they are showing a lack of respect for you and your marriage and they are just daring you to put them in their place. If that is the case there is so need for you to act cruel, but be firm. Once you show them you intend to stick to your guns and not let them interfere they will back off. It is just like training children. If you give in one time you will have to start all over again.
2007-09-10 01:07:41 · answer #6 · answered by mafiosu 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In a very gentle way, keeping in mind that they are your parents and they most likely they want the best for you. But in this case they have to realize that you are grown and need to learn by making your own mistakes,as a mom you never want to see your kids hurt so try to be understanding, but i think that you should talk to them and let them know how you feel. Just be nice and try not to hurt them to much, always remember this, You can always tell anyone how you feel even if it's really bad, what's very important is the kind of words that you use.Good luck!! Take care
2007-09-10 01:06:35 · answer #7 · answered by mamachula01 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Put your foot down. There is no gentle way. Just tell them that their interference has been causing you and your spouse alot of problems. Tell them that you are trying to hold your marriage together, an you would appreciate it if they did not cause you any more conflict. Tell them that if it continues, your family will be forced to avoid them.
2007-09-10 01:21:50 · answer #8 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell them that you love them and appreciate their concern but that you really need to live your own life. Be nice because you still need their support but let them know that this is a closed topic.
Oh, and don't whinge to them about any problems because they will take it to heart and remember it long after you have forgotten all about it.
2007-09-10 00:58:16 · answer #9 · answered by Joh 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being a mother-in-law myself, AND of course having had a mother-in-law of my own, my recommendation would be to 'yes' your parents - then do what you please. Your parents will feel as though they're being heard, you'll let it in one ear and out the other, and after a while, they should have picked up the hint.
One of the hardest lessons I've had to learn, was learning to 'let go' of my sons. Be patient and, be kind.
2007-09-10 01:12:30 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋