I've recently come out to my husband that I am a lesbian, and I would like to meet a woman and have a girlfriend. But, I'm nearing 40 and I don't know how to date. Or even find someone. What is the best way to meet someone who is open to dating a married lesbian?
2007-09-09 16:21:20 · 11 answers · asked by bizzy gurl 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Neither my husband nor I want a divorce - we love each other, I am just not physically attracted to him. I'm attracted to women. And I know of a few married gays (men and women) who are married and in a poly relationship that has lasted, in one case, over 30 years.
And I am a christian, God made me gay, and Jesus didn't say anything about homosexuality. Read the bible.
2007-09-10 11:23:05 · update #1
You're probably not going to find anyone who will be serious with you if you have no intentions of leaving your husband. They may go with you just for sex or something, but if you want an actual loving relationship, you're not likely to find one. Of the people that do have "serious" affairs wtih married people, it's typically because they are led to believe that the married person will eventually get a divorce and be with the one they're cheating with. They almost always end up with broken hearts in the end.
If you don't want anyone to get hurt, either leave your husband and be faithful to your gf when you find one, or stay with your husband and be faithful to him. If you try to have it both ways...well I've never ever seen or heard of a situation like that that didn't get really messy with a lot of hurt feelings.
2007-09-09 16:26:19 · answer #1 · answered by goldenrose82 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The funny thing is I have very few single friends. Having my daughter the year after I graduated pissed a lot of them off. Real friends, I have found have a balance of give and take. My best friend is single and she will sit and listen for hours about the kids and my hubby, ETC. But then again when her latest loser breaks her heart I am there to help her as well. I think you may need a Mommy's night out or at the very least an intelligent ADULT conversation. As for the "Don't Cha" phase, they grow out of that in about 6 to a 18 months. My 12 year old would sing the "Milk Shake" and "Don't Cha' songs on a loop all through the last 6 months of fourth grade until the end of fifth grade.
2016-05-20 23:45:07 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I completely understand. Okay, speaking from experience. My husband and I became roommate essentially. In the beginning we would go out together as friends to various lesbian bars. And actually he had quite a lot of fun, because he always has a lot of fun because he would meet straight women there. Then I started just going out on my own, but we really had to maintain our relationship on a roommate basis. But, we had the means to do that a house large enough to do that. We have children too, so for the sake of our children we didn't want to get separated.
But, I will tell you that as each day passes i realize that right now I am fairly young and enjoying my time of just going out and meeting other lesbians and establishing my circle of friends, but I will want to maybe settle down one day and that would be with a woman. I have remained completely open and honest to him and we talk very candidly about this. He understands that and since we have an open relationship at the moment, he agrees that when that time comes we can make and take whatever steps are necessary.
As long as you remain true to yourself and just get out there. Search online for local LGBT groups and check out the lesbian scene in your area. But, if you want to have a real solid relationship with a woman, you must know that eventually you may have to give up your married life and move on. Its all in the way you handle things now that will make the world of difference later. Good luck!
2007-09-11 10:17:19 · answer #3 · answered by Tickle me 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Use planetout.com personals, it will allow you to search by sexuality, zip code and what they are looking for. I've been where you are. I suggest you read the book called "married women who love women" by Karen Strock. It helped me deal with coming out while I was married.
I did end up in divorce and I was lucky that he was very supportive during that explorative time for me, but I should have ended it earlier, it ended up hurting him in the end and that was my fault. Make sure that the two of you do a lot of talking and are very honest about your feelings. Polyamory relationships are rare and tend not to work in our monogamous society. Good luck!!
2007-09-09 16:50:35 · answer #4 · answered by momaab 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Get a divorce. It's good that you admitted it to your husband but it is bad to commit adultery. Meeting women won't be that hard once you are completely single. Just hit your local gay bars.
2007-09-09 16:48:12 · answer #5 · answered by Nicole T 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
start with craigslist.org, but you have to make it compleatly clear with any partners what your relationship with your husband is and I'd say telling your husband what your relationship with any new partners is. I am a little confussed as to why if you are indead a lesbian, you would still be married to your husband if he knows, though.
2007-09-09 18:00:38 · answer #6 · answered by Omega 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How does your husband feel about this arrangement? It doesn't really seem fair to him.
Why don't you talk it over with him and give him a chance to leave. Neither one of you can possibly find this marriage completely satisfying or fulfilling. When you are single, then you can find someone great. And no one will have to share you...
2007-09-09 16:27:14 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
There is a book called "And then I met this woman". Sorry that's all the details I can recall. Amazon may have a copy.
Rose P.
2007-09-09 17:12:37 · answer #8 · answered by rose p 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should try one of those online dating chat rooms. They have few for lesbians to meet other lesbians. Good Luck!
2007-09-10 08:09:35 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let your poor husband go first, then find another substitute.
2007-09-09 16:25:47 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋