It seems like no matter what, I veer towards Depression or Fears or Unhappy events. Im deemed as Negative from my significant other most of the time. However, I never seem to get Things right -staight -or perfect. I always feel like Im pleasing the other person and no matter how hard I try not to be a "Pleaser" I end up doing it anyhow and get walked on and abused by my man and others see me as weak -But, I dont ever feel that way until they reinforce it in my mind that Im weak and negative. Which just makes me feel more down and sad and I often think of just giving up on life! Im so frustrated and torn -Life did not seem to be so full of hardships and dissappointments -but thats all it is to me MOST of the time. What am I doing wrong?!??!?!?! Im just trying to be a good person, caring and Loving -Why does that look weak and Needy and Negative to my man? And why do I put so much into a relationship that is going NO WHERE?!?!?!?!? Im such a Fool -I hate this. What did I get myself into?
2007-09-09 16:18:49 · 16 answers · asked by Rain 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Philosophy
Stand on your head...
No, seriously. But do it while looking ina mirror. It will change your perspective. And that's really all you are talking about: perspective. And if you can't laugh at that then go see a phsycotherapist casue I can't help you.
If you truly feel you are being "walked on", then you need to walk. Period. It doesn't even matter if it is simply a perception problem on your behalf. It isn't worth it. It will make you resent him, and him resent you.
OK. Now that we got rid of that problem, what's wrong with being a "pleaser"? The only thing wrong with that is you expect something in return. When you don't get it, it brings you down. If you don't get it, don't try to please them anymore. It isn't worth it.
And, oh by the way, WHY do you act as pleaser do ya think? You are looking for acceptance, and for others to need you. If they do, they will make you happy, if they don't they don't need pleasin'. Not saying to dump on everyone who doesn't need you, just saying you don't see American Airlines stopping to give us all a ride to work every day do you?
You need to act more like American Airlines; focus on those who really need a lift and are willing to pay for it. Those that aren't, well just show em a commerical every now and then so they know where to go, but don't send a stewardess to their front door every day.
DO NOT discount the possibility you have a real issue you will not be able to resolve on your own. It is possible you have things going on that can only be corrected via proper meds etc. NEVER resort to anything stupid to "get you through." Needing someone to identify and treat a real illness is nothing to be ashamed of or mess with.
But still, start with the mirror.
2007-09-09 16:54:10 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
We got ourself into big illusion, that's a fact.You may not be negative but are seeing things for what they are and not sure why you keep getting into these messes. I also did that. The thing is you are probably a very good soul and this world is for the cheaters and the cheated. We can plainly see this in the business world or even the field of religion. (So sad). If you want to be truly happy you have to understand things as they are. For exampl- We are not this material body, IE; Race, color, nationality, Religion, mind, intellect, senses, job, etc. We are all eternal spirit souls, part and parcel of the Supreme Soul, also known as Krishna, Allah, Jehovah, Vishnu, etc. We never die, only this mortal body dies.
This material world is not our real home, it is called Maya (illusion) and is temporary and full of misery, only one fourth of the souls come here,(the less intelligent ones) and the rest are enjoying blissful eternal loving relationships with our Maker named above. Those who are intelligent, take up the process of self realization (Bhakti Yoga) which gives one real peace, happiness and reality. It begins with the chanting of the Maha Mantra (The great mantra for deliverance from all suffering and illusion) Then at the end of life they can return to the eternal Kingdom where there is no more birth, death, old age, or disease, or rude cheaters and be eternally happy. I am so grateful I found my true self. And now I know why things are the way they are here.
For info. Go to harekrishnatemple.com Read Bhagavad Gita- As it is by Bhaktivedanta Prabhupada asitis.com you can read it on line.
2007-09-09 16:30:34 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I dont know how old u r, but I was the same way for years, always being the one to try to please everyone. I felt so sad and alone. Then one day out of the blue I discovered myself. And learned to find my voice. It's ok to say no sometimes. and its ok to stand up tall. I stopped looking at the floor or ground when I walked and started to look at the world around me, i found beauty in the most simple things. It takes time and a lot courage to find a positive when so much around you seems negative. Dont ever give up. It will come to you one day. I think maybe this guy your with is keeping you down, you have more strength then you realize in moments of having to stand alone. He should see that being caring and loving are are just some of your good qualities and your not always going to get things right but how else will you learn if you did? your wings will emerge one day and dry in the warmth of the sun, and you fly.
2007-09-09 16:39:36 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
well to tell you the truth, you need to think of what life could be like first.
Visualize your perfect life situation.
I think of a minimalist apartment with a nice bike in a small town in the south. I think of having a simple job, maybe mowing lawns or doing gardening, even just working at a home depot or something. I think of having friends that are simple like me, and a girlfriend maybe, who doesn't live with me, but we spend weekends together camping or going to a lake to fish. I picture never caring about what size tv I have or how nice my car is.
once you picture your life the way you want it, work on what needs to happen. Just keep thinking of that and make a plan on how to get there. Using your dream is a good way to forget negative thoughts. It is also a good way to get over worrying about negative outcomes. Just remember how happy you will be when you accomplish that.
It is hard, but eventually you can be very happy and have everything you want, but right now, you need to work hard to get there. Treat every day like its a new beginning to your path of happiness.
It is hard to leave someone but sometimes it is best if they are not making you happy. But it is also up to you.
if you ever need to talk or just vent, go ahead and email me,
jnord4@yahoo.com
2007-09-09 16:37:19 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No one deserves to be abused no matter what mistakes they make. It sounds to me like your significant other is the negative one in this relationship. Many negative people accuse or blame other people for the negative way they treat people. No one should be expected to be perfect. If he is abusive he is a long way from perfect. It is against the law for a man to abuse a woman verbally or physically. I think you need to walk away from him. Get help from a Doctor, Lawyer, Minister or Priest or from a family member. You don't have to live this way.
2007-09-12 01:00:43 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in a situation similar like yours. what helped me was to don't give up, I kept been the same nice guy, tried to see the best on every one and everything, if something went wrong I resolved with my best knowledge and if it didn't work ....well no body is perfect. As time went by everything turn around. Who ever was not please with me is not around me any more, and those who found me OK are my friends.
If you want happiness for an hour..... take a nap
If you want happiness for a day.... go fishing
If you want happiness for a month... get married
If you want happiness for a year..... inherit a fortune
If you want happiness for a life time.... help others
CHINESE PROVERB
2007-09-09 17:13:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I"m only gonna recommend for you to read the book "The Secret" It will show you why are you having this kind of recurring events in your life and how to brake that pattern. I hope you find your answer in that. YOU are not a foul. YOU are a good person in a bad relationship. You need to look up to your self and love your self first so anyone could love you and respect you the way you deserve. And that man doesn't see the good in you because you haven't been able to show it. Get up, I bealieve you can do this. Go for it girl ... I wish you love!!!
2007-09-09 16:29:22 · answer #7 · answered by Calypsso 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
hmm, i guess you just have to be yourself.. don't try to please anyone. you are wonderful in your own way.. i felt the same way before, that i guess it's me against the world. but now that i understand the real meaning of life, i feel much better. if you feel you are sooo small, then stop thinking that way! you can be anyone you want to be! just believe in yourself..
if others think you're a bad person, just do good. if you are honest and they think you're selfish, just be honest anyway. if you care and show love and they think it sucks, just continue loving and caring..
remember, life never gets tough if you can handle it better,cries won't be tears if u are not hurt, sadness wont mean anything unless you're down, anger will be nothing if apology comes ryt after, smiles mean nothing if it comes from the unknown, a touch never say it cares unless you think so.. der are lots of things in lyf that have a different meaning of its own, so if you feel like havin a duel with lyf, fight not because you're brave but because you're a coward who wanted to prove something!! take care
2007-09-09 17:21:48 · answer #8 · answered by dr.psycho 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This book might help. It's an easy read with good advice. It can be life altering: The Four Agreements by Miguel Ruiz
2007-09-09 16:31:32 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
3 Suggestions:
1- Resubmit this question in the psychology forum;
2- Turn off the anti-gravity generator;
3- Create your own happy upside down Reality.
Good Luck!
2007-09-09 16:32:41 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋