My so called husband degrades me, is always putting me down, calling me names, is so mean to everyone. Even if it's not directly to them. I don't want our children to grow up to be that way. He never helps me with any of the house work. He comes home sleeps, eats and complains about the kids being in sports and being apart of that. He complains about taking them to practices to games. I want them to feel good about playing sports. He complains about the house not being cleaned. I run a in-home daycare. I do what I can when I can. We have 3 kids. I try to do laundry during the day. Dishes, run my business from 6am-6pm. I help my family when they need me too since my mom passed away. He does nothing but complain, never helps around the house. I can't do it all on my own. What things he could do he makes the kids do. He is so lazy! What do I do? It makes me so mad. When I talk to him about it he says I'm crazy. I really just want him to leave.
2007-09-09 15:39:17 · 27 answers · asked by Moon 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
File for legal separation. Pack his trash and set it on the porch. Tell him he can come get the rest of it next Sunday when the daycare kids are gone. Tell him, "I will call the sheriff to make sure you are safe and can get your things quietly." Tell him he can come back home once he goes with you to therapy to work this all out at least 6 weeks in a row. If he can not do that then you file for divorce. Do not mess with this one, you are way more worth what he is doing, it is called ABUSE and NEGLECT. WHen you go to settle a child support agreement, ask them to put in there that he has to pay for half of their sprts related activities and that he has to take the to practice and pick them up half the time. IF he does not do that, then ask the court for sole custody with his having liberal visitation and not a joint situation. Some guys get their priorities straight with this, some don't. If he refuses, get on with your life and find a man worht having in your heart.
2007-09-09 16:06:02 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its not easy leaving an abusive partner being scared that he might retaliate against you .. I mean here is a simple example what if he was to go to the police and say I think she interferes with the children at her day care you lose your business over night and are reliant on the mongrel again. then again he could just frighten you all the time .
So before I would even suggest that you leave him or kick him out , be sure that you are safe from his anger and shame.
I have heard this kind of thing on here time and again he is not a good father or roll model he is a shambles of a husband and just a horrid person . make sure your safety and that of your children is made true before starting separation or divorce proceedings. talk to the local police and social workers to make sure you have a place to go if things get out of hand . good luck .
2007-09-10 06:01:47 · answer #2 · answered by slick 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he complains about taking his 3 kids to sports practice? would he rather take them to juvenile hall? geez!
i am sorry about your mom. you need to hire an assistant who will help you. and a cleaning lady. you cant! do it all.
i am gonna say this carefully. a lot of men dont help around the house. he is resentful about something. i dont know what.
can you go to marrige counseling? to find out what is eating him, cause he sounds like he does not like you and gets no happiness from being a dad. most other dads are jazzed and proud to be around their kids in sports. and then for the counselor to help set ground rules about language and the degrading stuff. and to find out if there is a physical problem with him, low blood sugar? hidden pill popping making him mean?
sorry this is not an easy answer. but i suggest you spend time away from him. do you have a sister or friend you can just visit sometime?
2007-09-10 00:22:05 · answer #3 · answered by jaded 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, You have to "TAKE CARE" of Yourself, then Your Children. Your Husband sound like a Real Dirt bag. Get RID of Him and start concentrating on Your Future (as it stands now You don't have Much of a Future to Look Forward to). You can't Possibly Live Out Your Life Under these Conditions and be Happy! Life is a "One-Way" Trip. Good Luck and May Your Life become once again "A LIFE", Peace, Straywolf
2007-09-09 23:05:07 · answer #4 · answered by straywolf11 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Serenity, your name belies your situation. I'm so sorry about your plight. Why did you chose to marry such an awful person and have children with him? Surely he didn't become this way only recently? It sounds like you are tired and overworked for sure. Does he really understand you are nearing the end of your rope? It would be a shame if he is thinking it is "same old-same old" if you are to the point of thinking about ending the marriage. He needs to understand where he really stands so he can see he seriously needs to make some changes. Please don't wait until you decide it is "too late." It need not come to that. Hang in there.
2007-09-09 22:58:16 · answer #5 · answered by ozzman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He isn't going to change, and you know that, don't you? Why wait? You owed to yourself and your kids to have a better life. Throw him out of the house for good. If a plant is not productive in a farm, they cut it and burnt it. Get him out and tell him to stay out. There isn't a valid reason for a woman to put up with an abusive husband. You and your kids deserve better. Don't think it for too long, make the decision and move on. You'll find someone who will care for you and respect you. There are plenty of good men out there.
2007-09-09 23:31:46 · answer #6 · answered by Ricardo R 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear Serenity:
Your names speaks volumes about what you really want in life.
This relationship sounds positively horrible! You have to ask yourself what you are getting out of the situation by staying. If you have some reason that you what to stay, you should explore it through therapy or some type of couples counseling. If he won't go, dump his sorry behind. You are hard working mom, and you deserve love, respect and partnership from your spouse. your children deserve a peaceful love-filled home. Trust that you can make a change and make a better life.
With love,
Culture Nurse
2007-09-09 23:10:22 · answer #7 · answered by culture nurse 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this will be one of thoses really long answers, so brace yourself. honestly my family can really relate to that. my dad is pretty much the same. he's SOO lazy and has no problem with complaining about EVERYTHING as long as he doesn't have to do anything. honestly at times i hate my dad, but i just think about his childhood and how he didn't have great parents and i take it all into consideration. i think you should try to maybe feel for him and try to approach him with this in the best way possible. if your "safest" bet is to not approach him, DONT. but i live my life with a father who treats my mom like a slave and is so dependent and always complains. its very clear that my brother will be a clone of him. but i know that i will not be. if you kids are young, its not fair to them. GET OUT of the relationship ruining 3 lives isn't worth it. but if you are content that it wont effect them, then try to fix the problem. look up concealing techniques and familiarize yourself with approaches that you can use to confront him. writing all of you feelings down HELPS so much and weather or not he sees what your writing or not, it will give you satisfaction. HELP yourself and YOU KIDS.
2007-09-09 23:07:47 · answer #8 · answered by babiix3stiina 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Anyone who is in an abusive relationship needs to GET OUT! You can indeed do it on your own! It will actually be easier if you aren't constantly being abused. You can do more and do it better when you're happy. He can be ordered to support the children which will help you. Why should he want to leave when he's got it easy? Whatever it takes to do it, take the children and get away from the abuse!
2007-09-09 22:54:32 · answer #9 · answered by missingora 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You know him, you have three kids with him. I hope you love him as well. But yes, he is sounding like a jerk. Talk to him, things are getting worst and he needs to change. You can not do this any more. but, yes I think if you are really getting mad all the time, frustrated and living a painful life, then leave him. Leave a better life.
2007-09-09 22:53:20 · answer #10 · answered by jenni 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋