My granpa died recently & somehow word leaked out to everyone whose remotely in my life.
The first thing to get straight is I loved my Gramps yes, but he lived on the other side of the country so I hardly knew him. People however don't seem to grasp the idea that I'm not in unbearable pain at the death & seem to think it their personal duty to inform me that though I'm most certainly the most miserabe thing on the face of this planet at the moment to stand strong, do I want them to clean the house & cook the family's meals while Mom's away, anything to ease the burden off my back... ALL DAY today at church I've had people come up to me, getting in my face, rubbing my back stroking my hand & saying they know I'm in a lot of pain but don't worry, life will go on, how are you doing about the loss of your gandfather, isn't it a tragety he had to die, ALL THE TIME STANDING MUCH TO CLOSE FOR ANYBODY'S COMFORT LET ALONE MINE!!!
(To be continued...)
2007-09-09 15:32:44 · 8 answers · asked by DallasStar 3 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
(Continued)
So anyway they won't get out of my face and I'm just wanting to scream to the world "Yeah Gramps is dead! Yeah I'm sad about it! But get out of my face and leave me alone, I don't want your stupid sympathies, get away from me and if you don't stop stroking my hand right now so help me I'm gonna bite if off!!!!!"
Honestly, I'm getting so angry at everyone for not getting the hint and leaving me alone I'm afraid I'm gonna crack and start screaming at them in public!
How am I supposed to (kindly more or less) tell them to go away because whenever I say "I'm Fine" They seem to take this as denial and hound me even more as if their determined to get a confesion out of me or something! How do I get rid of all these Well-Wishers who are making my life miserable?!?!?!?
2007-09-09 15:40:40 · update #1
I don't feel like killing myself... just the annoying people who don't go away... is there a way to nicely tell them that THEY'RE the things making my life miserable?
2007-09-09 15:46:30 · update #2
it's all good...for real...obviously those people have no idea what you are feeling. maybe THEY would prefer the "healing" words they offer you. most of the time people are very nervous and don't know what to say to someone they might think is greiving. of course if it were me i'd love for someone to clean my house lol, but no really, it seems like a very humbling situation for you, ya know like getting all tense and biting your tongue (i don't like people too physically close for comfort either). look at it as a test of your patience. i'm in social work and remind myself of how much stronger i am for the things i do NOT say vs things i could say...i hope this helps...keep venting otherwise, this is good to release tension
2007-09-09 15:51:25 · answer #1 · answered by levity 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
All of us respond differently to the death of a loved one. And to a degree ... "How" we respond can also be impacted by how "close" we were to that person. You did not know your grandfather that well (Because like you said ... He lived on the other side of the country)
It is very possible that "some" people are expecting a huge
out pour of emotion from you ... because "maybe" that is how
they would behave in a similar situation. Try to have some
tolerance for their concern. Don't be rude. However, if
you feel that someone is "crowding your space." You can
also (tactfully) let them know that you loved your grandpa,
that you will miss him, but that you need to time to mourn or
grieve in private. (It would be VERY rude and inconsiderate for someone NOT to honor that request!!!)
You can tell those that want to clean or cook (while your Mom
is gone) ... that you are O.K. for now. Then suggest that they
might check to see if your Mom has any needs when she
returns. (I am assuming that it was your Mom's Dad that
just died.) If that is the case ... When your Mom gets back
she "might" appreciate the sympathy, the offers of help; and
the concern.
You sound like a person that needs a LARGE SLICE OF
PERSONAL SPACE .... and That is is O.K.
2007-09-09 23:04:34 · answer #2 · answered by kjh 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well first off you should realize that they aren't tying to be annoying towards you but really so care about your feelings!
So maybe you should be the one who eases off of the bite me attitude dear!
You are young yet by the sound of this letter ,but you will find out when you get older that people who Really care for one another do ask those Questions that's may seem to upset you to hear .
Well lets say "hypothetically "what if No one came up to you and said they were sorry about the lost of your grams' esp the church people who you would think should care?
How would that make you feel then and be honest?
most people really do care about others and you should be thankful that they do !
Their are many out their in this cold world who don't have anyone to care for them let alone care how they feel!!
I know it can be frustrating if no one believes that you are doing okay ,but are you really or are you trying to even convincing youself and them too??
if you must say anything at all , be calm and let them know that you didn't really get a chance to know your grams although you loved him ,that being the case ,that you really are not feeling as much sorrow as those that were very close to him ,.
Also that while you appreciate their concern ,you would desire if they would kindly just quit asking about how you are handling things!
Take care ,and give love and compassion a chance!
God bless
2007-09-09 22:56:39 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
People base their behavior on what they know rather than reality most of the time. It is obvious that these people were close to their grandparents and automatically assume you are to. As for me, All my g-parents were all dead before I was born so I feel absolutely no connection to them at all.
In addition, even though it is a fact of life (without life you cannot have death) that most people handle death very badly. Take, for instance, a child dying as an infant and the parents are told "At least you can have another" The cheek! What was that kid? A spare part for a car??!!
Hope this helps and chin up--they'll go away after awhile
2007-09-09 22:46:08 · answer #4 · answered by dk 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would try a sunny smile, a comment about what a long and rich life he had and a reminder that he lived far away and that you really didn't see him that much. Also, keep on the move wear a wrist-watch and tell them "sorry, I really have to get going", or focus on someone across the room and say "oh, excuse me, I have to tell Jane something". You could make a list of errands for those really insistent on helping you in your "time of need". Just a couple of practical suggestions.
2007-09-09 22:56:49 · answer #5 · answered by sharon h 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Aww... I know the feeling all too well having experienced loss myself. I think to tell them politely that you appreciate their well-wishes but you wish to have this moment alone & that they respect your privacy for this difficult time. Oh and the offer to cook & clean is most welcomed IMO, lol=p
God Bless^_^
2007-09-09 23:29:11 · answer #6 · answered by ViRg() 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd excuse myself, say thank you, but I need to be alone during this time. That should do it in a nice, polite way.
2007-09-09 22:54:03 · answer #7 · answered by Marguerite 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Tell them, whenever someone mentions gramps, you feel like killing yourself. They should stop.
2007-09-09 22:44:19 · answer #8 · answered by guru 7 · 0⤊ 3⤋