After being married for nearly 16 yrs, my hubby decides he would like to go play cards every other Fri with his friends. At first I felt like we ( girl, 15 and boy 9) were not enough. Then I "pretty much" came to my senses and realized he may need this time for him. B4 you think too badly of me, I want to say that we don't see him that much as it is. 4 hrs Sun, 1 and a half hours each day from Mon-Wed. From 5pm til bedtime Thurs and Fri( his second job) and all day on Sat if he doesn't have to work. When it was Fris, it wasn't too bad....but then the friend changed it to Sats which is our day to be tgthr.We go out and eat as a fam, etc. Well, Hubby was very good about it and said that he didn't want that to take from our time. So he leaves to go after we get home. So, why is this still bothering me? I feel hurt and really don't know why. He has told me he would be happy for me if I went out with friends. So, he is really great. I feel so bad for feeling rejected. Be kind please. Thnks
2007-09-09 15:20:45 · 7 answers · asked by ShineOn 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Forgot to say that he is gone from about 7:30 pm to 2 Am, and I want you all to know that I know he isnt cheating or anything. He is so faithful, lol...a great guy. Thanks everyone.
2007-09-09 15:22:21 · update #1
I just want to say that you are all so great. Thanks so much for the wonderful advice and for helping me to feel that I am not completely wrong for feeling this way, but may need to rethink things. You are all good people!
2007-09-09 15:43:25 · update #2
I think you feel this way, because him leaving to go play cards is new. You say he just started this after being married so long. I think him taking off with his friends to play cards makes you feel like there are more important things in his life and you aren't #1 in his life anymore. I think its normal for you to feel this way but, if you trust him then, you need to understand it may just be a way for him to unwind and relax. As long as he doesn't start neglecting you and the family and isn't doing anything wrong then it shouldn't be a problem. Goodluck.
2007-09-09 15:38:32 · answer #1 · answered by The Wižard 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
There are other ways in which you can spend time with your husband. Make a calendar date three times week (mon-wed-fri) where you can meet him for lunch. You can bring your kids ever other week during school.
If he's not home for dinner, you and your kids can plan a special picnic once a month. You can cook dinner and have a wonder time at a park. Also make a phone date for the family where all of you can chat on the phone. I am sure he will be honor of the suggestions...God bless
2007-09-09 22:39:16 · answer #2 · answered by tony 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Everyone needs free time. This means time away from work, time away from family. Both of you need to get away from it all regularly and have some "me time". My wife and I do most everything together, but we both go out separately with our friends at least once a week.
In the 1st 2 years of marriage, she would tell me it was OK to go out with my friends, but when I came home, it was obvious that she was not OK with it. That hurt our relationship more than if she had told me not to do it. We talked about it and came to an understanding about it and now we both go out with our friends and it truly is OK.
Don't fake it!
2007-09-09 22:41:03 · answer #3 · answered by Zamboni1988 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How you get a job so he does not have to work 2 jobs and that way you can have more family time. I think he needs his time with his friends as long as he is not cheating. I do not see anyhting wrong with his actions.
The man is working 2 jobs for heaven's sake and maybe that's the way he releases stress. Do not add any more unnecessary stress.
get a job and help him out if you get more time with him.
2007-09-09 22:31:24 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you have the right to feel that way. Anyone would. All you can do is tell him you feel rejected and hurt about the whole thing. If he cares more about you than his poker buddies he may decide to make some changes. Don't be surprised when his poker buddies win out though. You are more important than them and he should respect that.
2007-09-09 22:30:42 · answer #5 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you love your husband a lot. That's why you want to spend every free moment he has with him. I think it's great that you didn't insist or give him a hard time. Men need their free time too. You try going out with a friend when he goes out. You need some free time to yourself too. Good luck.
2007-09-09 22:32:16 · answer #6 · answered by mamabear 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Set up a special date night just for the two of you. No kids, no friends. Just a romantic evening, even if its just a few hours, with just the two of you.
2007-09-09 22:28:06 · answer #7 · answered by The New Mrs. Nguyen 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋