Please help my marriage!?

Question

I am pregnant with my third child and due on Halloween! The past few months have been horrendous on my marriage. Although my husband and I have been married for more then 16 years, I feel we are growing further and further apart. When I was pregnant with our first two daughters, my husband was a joy to me, bringing me things in bed, coming home early to make me dinner, and he even took a paternal leave after she was born, to stay home with me and help out around the house. But soon after I found out about having our third, he has been the complete opposite. I should add that our 3rd WAS completely planned, so it's not like he wasn't ready. He stays out later from work, doesn't help out with the kids or the cleaning, and always has an attitude. In fact my 13 yr old daughter has been three times as helpful, as my husband has in the last 4 months. I fear he is perhaps cheating, and when I questioned him of this he said no way and then jut dropped it. I am so scared for the sake of my family, and I feel I will have to raise a third child on my own. I am at a complete loss, and need some advice, please anything will help! Thanks!

Answer 1

Have you tried asking him what's going on with him? How he has been feeling? How he sees the big picture? Maybe he is feeling something you never would have expected. He is your husband. Talk to him. With trust and faith that he will tell you the truth. After 16 years, I am sure you know your husband pretty well. Find out what made this change in him happen and meet him half way. We are all human and sometimes we feel things we know we shouldn't, and would hurt the other person's feelings if we did. If he doesn't want to talk, don't force him. Give him his space and when he's ready, he will come to you. And I am sure he will show you how much he appreciated the support.

Good Luck.

Answer 2

When a woman is pregnant, especially during the first trimester, her hormones run amuck. As a result, she becomes very sensitive and can easily get upset or hurt by stuff, which under normal circumstances will not really affect or matter to her. Also, during pregnancy, a woman has a tendency to demand more attention from her husband perhaps as an assurance of his love for her.

I believe that you are going through this phase right now. In the process, you might have certain behavior or unusual demands that may be annoying your husband thus the change in him. It could be his means of avoiding any unecessary conflict between the two of you.

The change in behavior in your husband only for the last 4 months, is hardly a sign that he is having an affair. If indeed he is, you would have felt it even before you got pregnant. Besides you mentioned that this pregnancy is completely planned which means that he wants it as much as you do.

At this point there is nothing to be scared of. Let go of unhappy thoughts - just think of happy thoughts always for the sake of your baby. Before you know it, things will be back to normal. SMILE.

Answer 3

Never ask a man how he's feeling. That is a complete waste of time. If you want to know that, you guys have got to get something in common and start doing that. Spending time together doing something you are both interested in will bring the friendship back and you won't have to listen to some other moranic woman telling you to ask him idiotic questions or hire a private detective.

It could be that he has stepped over the line. Once you become his friend again, you will know. The question is, do you want to push him further away, leave him, or bring him back into the family? It is your decision, he feels powerless in this relationship and will not return unless something changes. In addition, if you want to bring him back in to the family, you will have to be patient and not push anything on him.

It may not be fair, but it is the truth.

Answer 4

My first thought is that he's cheating. You need to confront him and demand honest answers. Saying no way and dropping the subject is not an answer, and don't put up with that from him. You deserve more than that.

Whatever his explanation is for the way he's treating you will determine the next step you take. When I was reading your letter I thought maybe he's just a little depressed and overwhelmed with raising a family and the pressures of life, but the fact that he didn't defend himself when you asked if he was cheating makes me think he is cheating.

If he is, your marriage can make it through that. Lots of marriages have suffered from an affair but went on to be strong and happy. I wish I could help you more. You are a smart, strong lady, so pin this guy down and get to the root of what's going on.

Answer 5

if you think there is another woman then yes there probably is. it really sound as if there is another woman or some maybe he is just going through a mid life crisis. it is possible it has nothing to do with you. talk to him about him... don't follow up on the woman at first. see if he is having a hard time at work. just try to treat him with kindness and understanding and let him know you are there for him. maybe he will tell you what the problem is if you are concerned for him and not accusing. it really sounds like you had a gem and you did something right in the past, think about what that was or what is different now. so treat it with kid gloves and try to salvage the precious relationship most of us would kill to have.

Answer 6

Precarious situation.
Perhaps he's feeling new pressures at work he's keeping from you in hopes of reducing your stresses. Perhaps he's worrying about how he'll financially cover the new addition. Perhaps he's realizing that 2 was enough for him and resents the time this new child will take from you both and your time together.
Maybe his views have changed. What seems to be missing here is solid, no strings attached communication. Laid back talk. No fingerpointing, no accusations, no anger. Just love and respect and a genuine yearning to know and to heal.
If that fails, try marriage counciling. if THAT fails then....come back here and ask me/us.
You're not alone.

Answer 7

it could be that he is cheating on you. He was excited about his first two but now he is totally different, maybe he thought he was done and now he has to start all over again when he really wants out.i think this is just too much for him and he is stressing over the fact that he is cheating on you and having to deal with a new baby. why is he staying late after work? is he really staying, take a look at his check and look for over time? see if it adds up. check his phone records and his emails. investigate your man and make sure everything checks out. find out the truth so you wont have to be worrying the whole time. good luck.

Answer 8

hi, Is it possible that he could be stressing about money? I would give him a bit of time. He might be better after baby is born. Men say they are not emotional but I reckon at times they are just as emotional as us. But if hes not cheating, which i would hope not.. then he has to be stressing about money, work, responsibility. Maybe now that you both are having a baby reality has kicked in that hes going to have to be responsible for another 18 years now. I am sure he will be ok.. Talk to family as well if it makes you feel better. Tell your husband your concerns. and for now you have to give him the benefit of the doubt that hes not cheating and just work on the simple things. Best of luck:)

And Congrats on the baby:)

Answer 9

Dont be embarrassed to go into marriage counseling. Usually around the 20 year mark (for some earlier, like 16 years, and some later, like 25 years) the marriage can go through a few trials and changes.

Answer 10

i think you both owe it to each other to go for a drive somewhere quiet and talk about how you both feel.
my hubby and i do it all the time, not when anything is wrong but we like it cos it gives us a chance to get away from everything and talk....
he may not even know that what he is doing is bothering you, im sure he isnt a mind reader so just open up to him and let him know how you feel and be open to what he has to say as well, by tghat, i mean try not to come across as though your attacking him.... men think that if you tell them whats wrong, you are attacking them!!!!!
maybe after that you can go have a nice dinner together and have one on one time.
good luck and i hope everything goes well with your pregnancy and marriage.