Angelic One...
For Samuel Michael (it spells his name down the side)
Written By A. H. Shadow Rai’
A.K.A. Lisa P. A. Brown
Samuel Michael,
so God like indeed
Angelic one God has
sent forth to me
Miraculous deeds
in the future I see
Unassumingly gallant,
a most unique breed
Everlasting your love is
and shall always be
Living life to the fullest
in purest of heed
Masquerading among us,
a clever young tike
Innovative, a leader
foreseeing his plights
Channeling family and friends,
sealing bonds tight
Helping those much less fortunate
deal in their strife
Angelic one God hath
brightened my life
Eccentric, mold broken,
future young and a wife
Lovingly excepted
as God
opens the sky.....
2007-09-09 15:01:43 · 6 answers · asked by ? 3 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
i love it...hi sweety..glad to see you again..you are refreshing
to all of us from those stupid questions ...i seen the name
down the side...fantastic idea..you are one smart cookie..
P.S.....and i love to eat cookies..
zoom
2007-09-09 15:38:39 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Shad...I keep hoping you'll someday lengthen out your lines instead of breaking them up into such small bites that break the line of each beautiful phrase. However, most of this one is beautiful. You have a few hard spots and questionable rhyme choices...such as "foreseeing his plights", "God hath"...hath? just say "has", really...and "in purest of heed"? Lastly...the ending...well...let's just say it's weak. Why? because you've rhymed so much of your poem and then the ending is just open...and no, it doesn't mirror the open sky...it's incomplete...and very frustrating :) add...something! maybe..."opens the sky...without telling us why..." something.
otherwise, the rest of the poem is quite good...but it would be better if you'd just combine the lines so there were half as many :) lol
2007-09-12 17:49:31 · answer #2 · answered by Kevin S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are one of those poets we all wish we could write like.
I know I do. That was another masterpiece, almost all your poems so far are awesome. The word awesome doesn't even come close to the commencement you deserve for you're talent but there isn't a word in the dictionary that can measure up to it. So I wont try. Keep Writting!
2007-09-09 16:04:16 · answer #3 · answered by Sh00ting_St@r! 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If I could write a million words,
About what I just read.
I have to write a million more,
To take it from my head.
So fine you wrote, my mind does twirl,
A dizzy Dondi makes.
I wonder if you ever show,
The things we call outtakes.
If you ever notice a missing H, it's my bumbling keyboard...
grrrrr.
2007-09-10 03:35:00 · answer #4 · answered by Dondi 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
what a cute poem
I like how it talks about
everlasting love as well
as God.
Angelic is how God is
described. Since he
loves everyone and unconditionally.
2007-09-10 06:42:17 · answer #5 · answered by sweet_blue 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Totally Awesome!!!!!!!! I could read your poetry all day.
Kitty Kitty
2007-09-09 15:47:42 · answer #6 · answered by kittykitty 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋