She is extremely verbaly abbusive and occasional physicly abusive even though I do everything I can for our family. She is also manipulative and great at lying.
We have 3 kids and a house. I know for my sake I need to get away from her, but I am afraid of how our kids will turn out.
We were seperated for a year and in that time I saw the trash that she invited into the house.
Im stuck between a rock and a hard place. What do I do
2007-09-09 14:55:50 · 34 answers · asked by That Guy 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I use to be like your wife, but my problem was that I had a lot of issues with family as a child and always had this barrier up. I didn't want no one to get to close. I don't know if she encountered abuse as a child and teen, but she might just be "protecting" herself. It took my husband and I almost divorcing for me to realize how I was being.
I was always so afraid of getting to close to people that I'd push everyone away before even giving them a chance. It's so hard to let go of that wall that is built up. I hope she realizes what she has before its to late. Good luck
2007-09-09 15:03:20 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Call the police if she hits you, have her arrested. File for a divorce and take custody of the children. Write down all the abusive things she does and says, you will need it in court. If she is abusive to the children, which I'm sure she is, report her for that too. When she is away from home gather up the kids and go somewhere she doesn't know about and start filing the paperwork. You may want to consult with a family lawyer first. You don't have to sit there and take abuse from your wife, so find out every legal right you and the children have and get away from her. She will not change until she gets treatment for her problems.Do it for the children and for yourself. No one should stay where they are being abused.
2007-09-09 15:06:20 · answer #2 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What makes her this way? Apparently she is frustrated and seems to take it out on you. Maybe she needs a break. Do you help her with the kids? House work? Do you have dinner ready for her when she gets home? Turn things around. Make her feel loved. Wanted. There is always 2 sides to a story. I bet you say things just as bad to her. I have been there and done that. I felt like I was doing everything and he was doing nothing to help me and the kids. All I wanted was help. The thing is she should not have to ask, you should see the obvious. If dishes need to be done and she is busy with something else. Do them. If laundry needs to be folded or put away do it. Don't wait to be told, just do it. For her, help her. She will want to do more things for you then. If you walk in on her doing something ask to help with it may it be dishes, laundry or anything. Help pack the kids lunches. Offer to get the groceries one day. Just help more and she will give more. It works. The kids will also want to help more. Mom will be a much more happier mom and then everyone will be happy. try it. Plus it gives you more time together as a family.
2007-09-09 17:34:56 · answer #3 · answered by Dawn 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You get out and fight for the kids. This is the advice I always give my friends....don't you think your kids will be happier in the long run if their parents are not together and happy then if they're together and miserable? Has your wife ever mistreated the children? I mean, really she is mistreating them if, when you were separated, she would bring trash in the house. A judge will be very sympathetic to you if you tell him/her everything that is happening and if you have a clean record. Good luck!!
2007-09-09 15:02:45 · answer #4 · answered by dodgerfan1962 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
To begin with, next-time you think you have found the one, please get a second and third opinions. Next, you need to plan to leave her, get a place for you and the kids, and fight for full custody of the kids. Finally, you need to teach your kids there is no place in a relationship for physical or mental abuse. By staying with this woman and taking her abuse, you are teaching your children it is acceptable. In the same turn, you cannot berate or belittle your wife in front of the kids. If you do, you will be inflicting abuse on your kids in attempt to exacting it on your wife. Turning the other cheek doesn't mean you should stand there and take abuse but not to inflict abuse on others. God bless
2007-09-09 15:15:21 · answer #5 · answered by A friend of Bill W 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you considered divorce? I dont mean to be hurtful or offensive but it sounds like you are very unhappy. Two unhappy people do not need to be together. Kids need good parents but sometimes, they just need one good parent. If your worried about how your kids will suffer if you were to separate from your wife permanantly, dont let that bog you down, because sometimes, divorce is actually much needed in a relationship to keep things sane and provide a good aura for your kids.
If divorce is out of the question, then talk to your wife about your feelings. Communication is key...yea thats sounds so cliche but its true! If that hasnt helped...try marriage counseling maybe your wife needs to resolve some inner issues before she learns to resolve her animosity towards you.
2007-09-09 15:03:17 · answer #6 · answered by B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get out and fight for custody of the kids. Your kids deserve a more positive environment. If they continue to live that way, they will too start acting like she is, and the cycle of violence will continue into their adult lives and relationships. You owe it to your children to ensure a safe and loving environment, not an abusive one.
So sorry to hear you're going through this. Seek support from a counselor, family & friends because you will need all they help you can get. Good luck!
2007-09-09 15:00:57 · answer #7 · answered by I do 26.2 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You have to do what works for you. I know from my own experiences with coming from a broken home, you should take your kids and start a new life. By you staying in that situation with your wife it's just making things worse for you and your children. I honestly think your children would benefit from your decision making. You don't need to put yourself through this kind of sh*t and your kids either. I say pray about it and gear up to move you and your kids from that situation, GOOD LUCK!
2007-09-09 15:03:00 · answer #8 · answered by Journey8320 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Pretty late in the day, have gutts and plan and money to salvage your children. Show to the law that she is incapable, if she is really but in the end buck stops with you, wondering what took so long to realise this. Take the kids and move on and let the lady have her fun.
2007-09-09 15:16:27 · answer #9 · answered by adjd j 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Start with getting her into counseling. A person with anger issues as this are embedded during childhood unknowingly. There are issues there she has never dealt with or faced. With you and the children around these things are coming to the surface again and this is how she is dealing with them. How do I know? She is doing exactly as I have done. In her shoes she doesn't see what she is doing. Her mind is flashing these things in different ways trying to get her to face them so she can calm down and love a happier life. If she refuses counseling-you will have no choice but to leave with the children. They see this and she did as a child it is getting embedded in their mind. I would suggest for the whole family to go to counseling as she will need your help. It will benefit the children as well to help keep the damage she has inflicted to a minimal and for them to face it now instead of later as she is needing to do. Try a nanny cam in the house and tape a whole week of her behavior and play it back for her so she can see for herself as well. I am still working on my issues. I am not the angry person I was though. Counseling and seeing for myself what my behavior did was a tremendous tool. I was mad, I was angry-but I saw what I had to see to realize I needed the help not only for me but for my whole family.
2007-09-09 15:11:39 · answer #10 · answered by Stefbear 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋