This question is for single moms,Divorced people(dads and moms)...etc.?

Question

My daughter is 8. Her dad lives 600 miles away.
But, he calls her and ANYTIME he is in town i let her go spend as much time with him as he wants.
It's not that she doesn't love him...but,she doesn't think to call him everyday.I sometimes feel like i "make" her call.He broke my heart in 1,000 pieces...but, i tell her ,"you need to call daddy and tell him....."(whatever happened)
Even though he broke me....I am determined that my anger towards him is mine and mine alone. She IS gonna stay close to her daddy.My family say's i'm stupid.."he deseves it."I won't use her as a "pawn"!

DO YOU THINK I AM RIGHT??

Answer 1

I think you are wonderful! I wish more parents understood the importance of children having strong bonds with their parents whenever possible. Also, I am proud of you for not using a child to get even with the ex. Too many forget the child's feelings and emotional well being and it's really sad.

I think you are doing good and giving your daughter good examples and a good role model to follow.

Answer 2

I applaud you!! Never use a child as a pawn, no matter what your feeling is toward the other person!! You are very right in this choice. Don't let your family or anyone else influence you! I've seem to much damage to kids that have been yanked back and forth. The child has gone through enough and she deserves the right to love her daddy without someone elses feeling toward him affecting her. Your choice is showing just how much you love your child because your putting what's best for her above your own anger and emotions!! She's very lucky to have you as her Mom!! Good luck!!

Answer 3

I am also a divorced mom and my daughter is 2. He was a threatening jerk and wanted nothing to do with his daughter (obsessed with sex and his online WoW game). After we divorced, he wanted joint legal custody because he felt he wanted to make it up to her. So,he asked for 2 days a week to spend time with her. But, when he calls he doesnt want to talk to her and he's very blah and unenthusiastic around her. He only takes her out to the park and plays video games with her sitting in his lap so he really doesn't have to interact with her. He lives with his mom, so I assume she does most of the taking care of her when she goes there. I make her say "bye, dada" and give him a kiss/hug when he drops her off, but there are times when she doesn't want to either. I think she'll be reluctant to go with him as she gets older, but what I would say is you're doing right by your daughter. Whatever happened between you two was YOUR business, and if she and he love each other, and he's trying to be a good dad, then don't give up. But, on the other hand, you don't want it to feel forced, where she may start resenting him. So, maybe if she gets frustrated with having to report to her father everyday, maybe you can work out an arrangement where 3x a week she calls and that when he's in town she should visit. Talk with her about it, and see how she feels about everything, her impression. She's 8-that's old enough to be able to discuss things in an open, not-too-detailed manner about parents and kids interactions. Good luck.

Answer 4

well (this is coming from a result of divorced parents)
My mother didn't want me anywhere near my father. I said I wanted to spend time with him. He broke me into a million pieces, and I'll never forgive him. He never cared enough to call his children. I dont' know about your Ex, but if he's anything like my father, I woulldn't force yoru child to do anything.


I'm not saying that you're wrong, you are probably right. And this is an excellent question. A lot of people can learn from it.


I'm sorry, but all of these other answerers, are you all thinking that this is a perfect world where parents always, 100% of the time WANT to keep thier child? I'm just warning you, if he broke yours, don't be surprised if he breaks hers too.

Answer 5

Yes you're right and you are a very strong woman to not let your feelings get in the way. Someone above said let her do what come naturally.
My son hadnt seen his dad for about 2 years and he kept asking for him. I made contact and my son has seen him 4 times and now doesnt seem too bothered whether he speaks to him or not.
Kids will do their own thing, dont worry. As long as you know you made an effort then you're alright

Answer 6

By all means you are right!

When my ex and I split, I would not let anyone make negative comments about their father. He IS their father and they love him. Making comments, using a child as a pawn and trying to turn a child against a parent will only make them confused, stressed and disrespect you in the future.
IF he is a jerk, (which my ex was), they will grow up and figure it out for themselves. Let them come to their own conclusions. DO NOT influence them in any way!

Answer 7

You are RIGHT on and more power to you. You're doing what you think is best for your child, and that's what matters.

Best to you!

P.S. I just looked over other answers. It sounds like he wants to spend time with her, but do protect her if you need to. And it's not just your job to make sure he's in your daughter's life - he can pick up the phone, too.

Answer 8

Yes you are right. I hate when people use their kids against the other parent. The way I see it,the only time a child should not be around an estranged parent is if he/she is harmful to that child in anyway. What goes on between parents has nothing to do with the kids. Good on you, and stick to your views.

Answer 9

I feel that if a child has access to both parents then they should be able to spend time with both parents. Whether its through the courts or not. I have both orders for visitation with my ex-husband( who never took full advantage) kids never had their home number had to always call his job or cell phone, and when they were younger I had to call his mother to relay the messages(messy). I only speak the truth about their dad to them He is a Liar (kept breaking their hearts promising to come when he wouldn't even call) but he is still your dad, and they should not hold the fact that he lies to them against him. Now withe them being grown when they talk to him, and he says I promise they always ask him please don't lie like you have done in the past. Then I have a son with a long time friend, who relocated to be with our son. This arranged pregnancy was ideal for us both, we have joint custody, without the courts involvment. We take our son on vaacations together(we are not together as a couple) we are just parents of our son, who God has Blessed us with. He spends every summer with his dads family. Your dtr will find out anything negative and formulate her own opinion, just as all three of mine, yes even my son who spends quite a bit of time with his dad, has formulated in his own mind that he just can't tell his dad everything, like he shares with me. I have never told him his dad is narrow minded, selfish, stubborn, or just border line illiterate. He found this out when his dad was helping him spell some names of his classmates,(Valentine cards) his dad had to call me to spell a name like Joseph, I told him that it was spelled the same way now as it was when we were growing up, he said he never had to write the name Joseph. But he claims he reads the Bible, give me a break. Not putting him down, but just to show you children know whats going on and can read people pretty well. Especially relatives.

Answer 10

Yup, sounds right to me.

I moved 1000 miles away from my home to help raise and know my little girl. I can see and speak with her daily.

Your daughters dad sounds like he cares and wants to be a part of her life. She deserves to know him. He is a good guy for wanting to do this (IMHO).

The Ol' Sasquatch Ü