Did/do you find it difficult, if not impossible, to give anything to a relationship? Do you feel that you have nothing to offer, and cannot give yourself to someone in a relationship? If so, why do/did you feel that you were not giving enough? Is it just a result of lack of emotional energy?
2007-09-09 14:25:58 · 9 answers · asked by dohnnyjepp 3 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Well, you are describing me and I have had an ongoing struggle with exaggerated emotions for as far back as I can remember and I more than likely will take an SSRI med for depression the remainder of my days. As far as the relationship part of it goes, you hit the nail right on the head in describing me. It also explains why I am 50 and have never been married. It's hard accepting that you're not marriage material, but better a life single and manageable, than married and overwhelmed, which is precisely what happened in a previous failed relationship that ended after only a year.
2007-09-09 14:38:03 · answer #1 · answered by soulguy85 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
One of the main symptoms of clinical depression is that you feel you are useless, worthless, etc. It is hard to give to anyone else when you feel so empty inside and cannot feel joy. Sex does not appeal to you. You are focused on yourself and feeling better. You envy others who feel "normal" and you think "What have I done to deserve feeling such agony. Depression is more painful and takes more away from the spirit than any illness, because unless you have hope for the future, you have nothing to live for. So It becomes a struggle to just get through a minute, an hour, a day, a night and you just say to yourself " I have nothing to give to anyone except my fear, and hopefully they will realize that and comfort you and stand by you, helping you take whatever steps that are necessary to come out of the dark pit and into light once again. You mention emotional energy. It is almost non-existant, your voice is flat and speech, slow and labored. Your physical energy is such that just to get dressed seems a mammoth task. My heart goes out to those partners who do not avoid or think weak the one they love. Love will help the sufferer to survive. It is a difficult thing to see anyone through a depression. Bless those that have the courage and compassion and love to do so!
2007-09-09 21:39:47 · answer #2 · answered by Lean on Me 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A close friend of mine was clinically depressed and oh, my when she was at the worst, she would cry and say exactly what you're saying; she couldn't handle a relationship at all, always thought no one loved her, etc. It was really sad. I noticed for some reason she loved accumulating material possessions she earned herself and loved more to brag about them; thus her way of showing others she was worth something? Some family member committed her for a weekend for fear of her being suicidal. That hurt her condition worse than anything could have. They just need lots of love and reassurance in their lives. And as the doctor said, she had a chemical imbalance causing the depression, so if she stayed on her meds, she was fine. After finally realizing this, she stayed on them and has led a very healthy lifestyle along with a 5 year relationship now. Yay! But yes, you are right; I do believe it was a lack of emotional and thus, physical energy to deal with anything correctly.
2007-09-09 21:40:37 · answer #3 · answered by dawnUSA 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I will explain why you feel this way. Often, an individual who feels this way has suffered abandonment during their lifetime, possibly even as an infant. Abandonment leaves the person feeling like they can't trust to love someone. They make a shell of sorts around their heart to protect them so they won't get hurt or abandoned by anyone again ever. They think that this way they won't get hurt.
With help you can get in a relationship, yes. you can. It is NOT from lack of emotional energy. It could be too much energy toiling away in your heart and mind that keeps you from sharing. It is self absorbion, trying to fend off hurt, trauma, rejection and fear---- working inside a person so that they are unable to properly and completely love for fear of be hurt one more time, you see.
2007-09-09 21:58:14 · answer #4 · answered by ruthie 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have bipolar disorder instead of major depression, so I bounce around more and have a more energized type depression. However, when I am having better times I try to write down some notes that I am OK and worth being around, and it sorta helps to remember that when I am at my worst. Thinking you are worthless is a symptom of the depression itself. I dunno, my husband thinks it's worth it to be with me and he tells me. I'd say let your significant other get a break and go out to the movies with his/her pals once in awhile. Join a support group with other depressed folks so you can vent about stuff like that, they've all been there. And follow self-care things like exercising, take the pills (and tweak them if it will help, not everyone is helped by the pills) etc. There are lots of depression books out there with tips. If you see a counselor (probably you should) take your significant other with you sometimes and work on that relationship stuff.
Good luck!
2007-09-09 21:46:49 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would say definitely yes to the last question, and to all the others I would say you should be talking about this with your doctor/therapist to see if you need a medication adjustment. But clinical depression is not the only reason you might have difficulties with intimacy. This is something you can work on with your therapist. I only have trouble with my relationships when I try very stupidly to do without my meds.
2007-09-09 21:31:11 · answer #6 · answered by mommanuke 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is a lack of emotional energy. You are dealing with your own situation and have difficulty relating to others. You need to make sure your partner understands that it is you who needs time to deal with and focus on yourself. You're the one with a physical, bio-chemical disorder.
It's hard to give or offer when you are needy. We all are needy when we're not well.
2007-09-09 21:32:23 · answer #7 · answered by whuz007 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I just got over it sorry
2007-09-09 21:46:40 · answer #8 · answered by Kelly RIch 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Clinical depression Pshhhhhh, just a fancy word for profiling with medication. For someone with depression no duh its gona be hard to be in a relationship, why would you want to talk to someone who no matter how hard you try wont realize that they arent worthless. People dont like negativity and depression is just a fountain of it.
2007-09-09 21:39:39 · answer #9 · answered by neohnecrosis 3 · 0⤊ 5⤋