Would you stay with your husband after he has had 2 affairs and is in love with the other woman? Worried about the kids and money.
2007-09-09 14:11:26 · 36 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hell no how could you consider staying if he is in love with someone else. You might think it's better for the kids to stay in the marriage but its not. You have to think about the environment of the household. I mean, just having 2 parents in the same home does not mean instant happiness.
2007-09-09 14:16:29 · answer #1 · answered by azrielle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with Nandina. Personally I would have been long gone after the first! I grew up in such a home and it was not pleasant. I left at an extremely young age just to get away from the hostility that had been festering for years. I was the "baby" and as soon as I left home my parents divorced. They were waiting for the last child to grow up and leave home. If they had divorced when I was young I would probably have stayed at home longer and would have had a totally different(i.e. better) life. I don't blame them though as they were doing what they thought was the right thing. Back then women didn't work outside of the home much so financial support was an issue. That is certainly not the case today.
2007-09-09 14:21:36 · answer #2 · answered by gardener girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Considering the past affairs, and considering that he loves another woman now, it doesn't sound like you will have much choice in the matter. He will probably soon leave YOU!
If you two stay together, it is going to damage your self -esteem to the point where life won't even be worth the living.
I hope you will and can get out and find a better life.
P.S. I'm now divorced, but I know what is right, and so do you. Good luck.
2007-09-09 14:24:09 · answer #3 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally, I don't think I could forgive 2 affairs. Maybe 1, if he had ended it and seemed genuinely sorry and willing to work on our problems together to prevent it from happening again. I can understand worrying about money and kids, but bottom line is your well-being. You will be much more able to care for your kids and yourself if you refuse to put up with this unhealthy situation. Ultimately it's up to you, but it sounds like this guy may leave you anyway, if he's "in love" with the other woman. Let him pay child support.
2007-09-09 14:17:49 · answer #4 · answered by rainmonster 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being in love with the other woman is the deal breaker for me. However, if he had two affairs but still wanted to work on the marriage I would enter into marriage counseling with him, with the condition that if he wanders again, that's it, I'm out. I believe that the kids are a good reason to work on the marriage if both parties agree. It may be just putting off the inevitable, but it's worth a try.
2007-09-09 14:19:51 · answer #5 · answered by gma 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not be afraid to ask him to leave. Get an
attorney and start divorce proceedings if he
will not.
Talk to the kids. No matter how old they are, they can be talked to without freaking out about it. Just talk calmly and reassure them that their mom and dad still love them.
Even if it is in a different way. If they are older, just be honest with them.
Child support is an option and he must pay or else the judge will not be very happy with him not obeying.
Find support online or at a friends house.
Relatives may help out some too.
Do not play the martyr. No one will feel sorry for you if you do. They will just not
respect you for not being brave.
2007-09-09 14:24:01 · answer #6 · answered by Blessed 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One time cheat...ok forgivable, could have been a mistake. Two times, theres no excuse, no reason, hes a cheat and you need to leave. See a lawyer and get real advice, maybe ask your parents for help with the law bill so it doesn't show up on your financial records.
Get real good advice, provided you didn't sign a pre-nup, you are entitled to half of everything. If you do it right, it will be him that has to find a new place to live, and will also be responsible for supporting you and your kids indefinitely.
Seriously, I know its tempting to forgive him again...but you let him off a 2nd time he WILL cheat, again and again and again, because he knows there is NOTHING you will do about it. Better to cut your losses and take charge now than let him walk all over your heart again and again and again.
2007-09-09 14:20:28 · answer #7 · answered by Danny N 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From a guy's perspective - dump the bum. Don't worry about the money - child support will help look after that. Also, the kids will be better off without that kind of influence. And you'll have a chance to actually find some happiness in your life.
Good luck!
2007-09-09 14:19:12 · answer #8 · answered by Me 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO. Would it matter though, cause if he's in love with the other woman, would he stay with you?
I'd say, the first time shame on him, the second time shame on you. You can't stay after this second time, and if you do, it definitely won't be the last. Move on.
Although, he probably will realize what a mistake he has made in the future, but you don't need to be there. You deserve better. Move on and find a much better man. They are out there.
2007-09-09 14:17:21 · answer #9 · answered by jbahhh 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Heck no. And I would take him to the cleaners! It will be hard on the kids. That's for sure. I know because I'm from a divorced family. But it was worse to see my mom go through what she did. Kids are not stupid by any means. My father constantly cheated on her and though she did her best to keep it from us, we KNEW. I was glad to see him go but at the same time I was sad.
As far as money is concerned.....he has child support and alimony to pay. If you have proof that he cheated...even better. But it's not worth it. I typically would say get a marriage couselor, after the first time he did it. But after that, I'd show him the door. But I wouldn't let him be all cozy in her arms. I'd make his life hell.
2007-09-09 14:20:52 · answer #10 · answered by barsh 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋