After 33 years he told me he never love me ,but we have 3 children ,what i did wrong?
2007-09-09 13:59:59 · 33 answers · asked by Marie T 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
you most likely did not do any thing wrong. Love is a choice. You can't force someone to love you and you can't do enough things right to make some one love you. Remember he is leaving you so its him not you, so do not blame yourself.
2007-09-09 14:37:47 · answer #1 · answered by zqx357 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOU did nothing wrong- he HAS and he's trying to make you feel bad because of what he's done- I have been married for 28 years and recently found out my husband was cheating on me and I don't know if we'll divorce because I can't get him to admit the affair he had happened- but he is treating ME badly BECAUSE I discovered the affair- HE did love you or he wouldn't have stayed the 33 years with you- are your kids adults or they still at home? If they are adults and out of the house-he may be having an "mid-life" crisis and thinks he needs to be single again to be happy!? You can email me if you want to talk with someone! Good Luck!
2007-09-09 14:50:26 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
After 33 years! 33! Sounds like to me that he is having a crisis of his own and if he does go and here is some great advice- get out and see what is out there! You may find that when he comes back- you no longer want him! And remember to say NO to any of that "come on 1 more time crap after he has left and found that the grass he was in was 100% better than the artificial turf he thought would be better!
2007-09-09 14:10:23 · answer #3 · answered by T J 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I am not sure what is wrong with men. In the last five years, I have heard too many women say their husbands used the "I never loved you" line I'd like to kick the guy who started this in between the legs. I have NO idea how they think his is a realistic. Of course he loved you otherwise he wouldn't have married you, had 3 kids and been with you for 33 years. I am telling you there is something wrong with these guys. I don't if it's the mid life crisis or what. Hun, please don't believe him. It sounds like he's got a lot of problems right now =(
2007-09-09 14:08:05 · answer #4 · answered by Tids 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's never about one person in a marriage. It takes two to not communicate and stay in touch with each others interests and lives especially when kids are involved. If you went off on two difficult tracks, it can seem like a surprise but it isn't really. Unless there was abuse or drug issues, a healthy strong relationship takes time and energy on both parts. By him saying he never loved you gives him an easy way out. 33 yrs. is a long time to spend with someone you don't love. Has he filed already? If not maybe it's not too late to reconnect and get counseling. This should be the time the two of you get to re-invent your life....kids are grown. But if he has moved on already, don't ever believe that it was you alone that sent the marriage off the track. You can't accept that guilt ticket all by yourself. I wish you the best.
2007-09-09 14:22:55 · answer #5 · answered by dawnb 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You have to tell yourself it's not you, he never loved you?? and had 33 years and 3 children with you? Get a good female lawyer and take every thing you can. hate to say it but my female lawyer has done a great job for me. good luck and don't feel bad ever! I do once in a while and then am reminded of why i should not. You are stronger than you ever thought you can be. you will find that out very soon.
2007-09-09 14:09:08 · answer #6 · answered by leenduh1 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well i divorce my husband after 19 yrs.. i married him and never loved him.. we had 4 kids together.. i did plan on staying with him forever .. but he became such a control freak that i could not do it.. he was even that way with the girls.. the main reason i married him was to have a family but not really knowing how demanding having a husband could be.. not saying that is why he married you just to have a family.. but have you asked him why on earth did he marry you and why now after 33 years he wants out..i mean he could have dont this when you were in your 40s.. yeah it would have hurted the same but atleast you would have been younger.. i did warn mine that i would leave if he did not change and he told me he could not change and it took 6 months for me to leave ..and i did try to give him every chance i could to change some of his ways..you more than likely did nothing wrong.. he could have did like i did..married to have children and a family and now that they are grown he wonts to sow all his wild oats.. i doubt it was becuase of sex.. did the both of you married real early .. like right out of high school..talk to him about why he feels like it now
2007-09-09 14:31:26 · answer #7 · answered by vis 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't beat yourself up. I know this is a very difficult time for you and as a women we never like to feel as if there's a problem we can't fix. But you cannot make someone stay who doesn't want to. I know you been with him for 33yrs and right now can't imagine your life without him. But if he wants out then give it to him. For it he's telling you he doesn't love you and never have. Why would you want him. Be your own best friend. Yes the road ahead will be hard but you can get through it. And although you may feel alone right now. You're not. Be encouraged this too shall pass.
2007-09-09 17:58:05 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Probably nothing and nothing you can do will change his actions right now. Get a good lawyer and get your 50% of everything. Remember the 401K plan at his work, his retirement from his company, the IRA accounts and 50% of his social security. This is where the old saying "Cheaper to keep her" comes from. Good Luck.
P.S. How old are you anyway? You should be really ready to start over anyway. You are probably in your 50's. There are a lot of well off bachelors and widowers out there that would love to find someone to travel with.
2007-09-09 14:08:55 · answer #9 · answered by baseballdad69 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First of all, it is not YOU. Just because, he says, he never loved you, then why on earth did he marry you. I don't understand, don't believe, that. He must have loved you at one time, maybe over the years, he stopped but after three children, how can he say he never loved you. Don't let it get to you. You have done nothing wrong. It is he that has done wrong to you.
Have a good night.
2007-09-09 14:05:45 · answer #10 · answered by That one 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I haven't bothered to read any of the responses in here as mostly are sure to be by women who advise asker to take this guy to the cleaners etc etc......
There are two people involved here & very rarely is it that one person is 100% in the wrong. It takes two to tango.
Maybe it's now that the kids are grown up & he has been waiting until the right time to take this action.
He looks like he is a very responsible person & I would offer him support if it was up to me.
Go for it, pal. Don't stay in a marriage that you're not happy in.
2007-09-09 14:29:47 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋