My husband won't fly back to the west coast for Christmas?

Question

We have been on the east coast 4 years and haven't been back home (west coast) for any holidays. Its just me, husband and son. I finally told him that I'm flying back this year because he wouldn't make up his mind I bought 2 tix for me and son. Everyone is asking why he's not coming. He doesn't like flying and he said its going to be cold. Both his parents are dead and he is somewhat estranged from his brother and sister. I am extremely sad we won't be spending Chrismtas together and he says "that's life". How would you interpret this? I mean should I just accept this...should I just not go and continue missing out on Christmas will all my relatives and my son not seeing his cousins? Advice on how you would handle but spare the insults please; I'm only human!

VERY negative runner45, thanks.

Vitiran - he told me to buy the tickets for us. He said he didn't want to keep us from going. I didn't feel right about it and your right, maybe I just shouldn't have bought the tix anyway but I didn't do it without his blessing.

Colleen O - Its just that I'm obviously discouraged. We just had a discussion within the hour and I was upset and he didn't want to discuss it further so I thought maybe I was to upset to see clearly and could get advice from people at this site.

Now he says to buy him a ticket even though he doesn't want to go. I told him I wouldn't force him. He didn't grow up in a large family that celebrated Christmas. He lived in chaos and dysfunction. He says he may just surprise us so I"ll leave it at that.

Answer 1

I would continue to encourage him to come with you.....but after 4 years I would go and be with my family and enjoy myself.

I wouldn't do this every year....but every so often is fine.

Answer 2

The very first thing I thought of when I read this is communication!! You must get to the bottom of this. There is obviously something bigger going on here than him not wanting to fly.

How awful that he has lost his parents and doesn't talk to his siblings. Maybe it is tough for him to deal with around the holidays. Or possibly he just doesn't understand the idea of a close family. Either way, it's still very important to discuss. If you come from a big, close family, and his is completely opposite, then you both probably have different expectations of what family means.

As far as everybody asking why he's not coming....tell him that and ask him what you should tell them.

Best of luck to you!!

P.S. I would still go though. That's the fair thing to do for your son!

Answer 3

Here's my opinion ...

First, you need to sit and have a serious talk with your man. Find out why he refuses to go with you to see your family ... could be as simple as he feels "lonely" for his own family seeing you with yours, or that he doesn't get along with your family, either way you need to find out.
Second, you need to let him know how you feel about it - that you want to go home and you want him to go with ... to do it as a family.

Also - You made your decision when you only bought 2 tickets. Why didn't you buy a third one? that might have encouraged him to go along as well. In buying only 2, you pretty much said you didn't want him along, that you were going whether he liked it or not. Had you bought a third one, and had he simply refused to go, you could have sold it.

What's done is done for this year - but for future reference, include your husband. You just might convince him to go along.

You mentioned he doesn't like flying - if it's a real fear of flying, then I suggest once every 3 years or so you all make the drive across the country to visit the relatives ... make it a fun and even educational experience for all of you. Visit landmarks, take a different route every time, etc.

Also - plan to have all your relatives come out to your place every few years and have the holidays with you. That might also entice your hubby into making the trip back home - he might prefer making the trip himself instead of having his house full of relatives. Or he might feel that if everyone was willing to make the trip out to visit him once every few years, he should be willing to do the same.

Above all - this does sound like an issue that could cause future problems - so I suggest counseling. If you can find a resolution early, you can prevent it from becoming a larger problem later.

That is my opinion - Best Wishes.

Answer 4

this is thrilling; i've got lived throughout this international and this us of a and that i don't have the comparable journey. it is not that this is widely known much less on the west coast; basically in any different case. it may desire to look like they have fun it extra on the east coast, yet perhaps it is the organic atmosphere that no longer in straight forward terms makes it look that way, yet additionally evokes extra human beings to beautify. Now, Asian is an rather primary term. in fact, by way of final public of a few Asian cultures to be Christian, they maximum genuinely have fun Christmas. of course, their traditions are diverse than those made interior the U. S.. i'm hoping that this allows and which you finally end up interior the placement to return and forth lots and see what the international has available! in case you come across a extra useful answer on your journey, please share it!!

Answer 5

He's actually mad and acting immature. He needs to grow up and get involved with the upbringing of his son. This includes surrounding his child with the people who love him on special occasions. Plus, he needs to see that something that is important to his wife, IS important to him. He needs to give his head a shake.

I'm sorry but what YOU did is also not how you handle a marriage. You need his blessings to buy the tickets for the two of you first. I would be upset if my wife acted independently like this. It was selfish.

Maybe he would have agreed if you had said that since he wasn't decided, that he could just purchase a ticket later. Maybe if he thought about it a little longer, he could think of something else he wanted to do on the west coast (besides be with you) that would get him more excited to go.

Both of you just need to be a little more understanding, patient and talk, talk, talk....

Answer 6

Keep this in mind as I tackle your question : 1. I am a man, and 2, I was in the same situation for over 20 years, and we did the following from the beginning.

I was a workaholic and didn't want to go out of town, and I told my wife to go ahead and spend Christmas with the family(and I meant it as it truly would not bother me). She came up with the perfect solution, and we did it every year......She spent every Christmas at home with me. She spent a week every New year's with her family. Her family would set aside a certain amount of presents for them to "celebrate" Christmas when they were altogether. It worked out just wonderfully for all those years. We had Christmas together (as husband and wife should), and she got to "celebrate" Christmas with her family.
By the way, we loved each other for all those years, and really got along beautifully. The Christmas thing worked out for us, so at least give it some serious thought.....as your man is not going to go travel out of town, and the three of you need to be together for Christmas.
Good Luck, whatever you decide.

Answer 7

I'm with your husband 110%. If my life were such that I had 6-8 weeks of vacation each year, I'd be happy to spend one of them with my partner's family. But since I only have 2-3, I'd rather (if I couldn't be with my own family) spend it doing something for myself. There is such at thing as too much togetherness. No reason your husband needs to go along when you'll be busy with your family anyhow.

Answer 8

ask him why he won't go! then try to get him to go,and if he don't then you either need to go and leave him here or stay and have christmas with your husband here! after all this is your faimly now! iam leaving for arizona in two weeks and iam not comming back to the east coast for the holidays and i have faimly here,talk to him tell him how important it is to see faimly and maybe he will go! good luck!

Answer 9

There is obviously a problem in your marrige. You are willing to make a drastic move, and he is willing to let you go. Sounds like a future divorce. Unless of course; you can be honest with each other and work this out for the benefit of everyone.

Answer 10

He should be there with "his family" that's you and your son, he has a few months to get it together, maybe he should start driving now to get there by Chrismas.