How do I start my life over after divorce, bankruptcy, and being in recovery?

Question

I'm depressed. I love my ex-husband. My financial status is completely messed up. My recovery is very shaky right now!

Answer 1

Set your goals and work to establish them. This is not the end of the world, this too shall pass.

Answer 2

Well being in love and depressed is never an easy thing to go through and on top of all that add being broke and boy it is a mess.You are not alone in this situation if this makes you feel any better. There are to many people in this world in simular situations and somehow the human spirit comes out doing all right most of the time. We have something instilled in us as humans and as God's children that makes us fighters and you can do this. You will be ok when this is all said and done. I suggest that you start to date other guys and just have a good time right now in yoour life. Don't look for love. Just look for a kind campanion and trust you me, they can take you shopping to and that helps out a whole lot. wink. Don't worry about your recovery just keep focused on how bad it was when you did what you did that sent you into recovery in the first place. Then keep moving forward without the drugs or alcohol. These things can only make any situation bad and never can help you in the long run. If you leave the drugs and alcohol alone and don't smoke, start working on getting up and living instead of dying you can make it out of this bad rut! So go for it and God Bless You to!

Answer 3

sounds like you got alot of things going on your plate at once. Start step by step, stay in recovery and join some good support groups that help each other through divorce. Itis easier to face tough things in life through the support of people you will get to know as you will hearproblems similar to yours and learn how to cope. As for bankruptcy, I do not know the answer,,, doyou have to file? If so, usually the stipulations for it last about 7years. It doesn't mean you won't be able to buy a car or rent a place btu i do suggestfinding a place you will stay at for a while. Divorce is not easy and hard financial times are sometimes inherited through a divorce... work hard and rebuild you credit and find some very earnest and good friends through a support group in your local area.. good luck and take it a day at a time

Answer 4

I am in therapy. I am to the point that i have looked into my past and when i was going to aa meetings that my sponser was right . the starting over part i think should come after you get your own life in order. I have been divorced two times. I ended up loosing every thing in my first marriage. the second one had nothing but a son that i took away from my wife, she wanted nothing to do with him anyways. I also had a bankruptsy in 1990 and that basically took time. I went and got a secured credit card and let time handle that part of my life. I hear a lot of stoies at the V.A. hospital therapy classes and some of those ladies take it harder than the men. You sound like a surviver because you are asking ho and not why these things happened to you. go to some groups that help in the divorce situation. Check things out on line as you did here. Do not tell anyone being a guy i have still listened to Doctor Laura schessinger on the radio. There are some real good books on the market. Check them out. Do noot and I repeat do not go into a bubble. Get out and do something. Find things that will take you mind away from the problems. I take my classic cars out to car shows. I am honestly believing you will be in great form soon. a caring soul i am. helping you would be helping me.

Answer 5

First, try not to think about all of this at one time. You should take each day as it comes. You will survive and you will be better after having been through all these trials and tribulations. It is very hard to go through a divorce when you still love the one who has left you. It takes time, believe me, but you will do it. Bankrupcy takes it's toll but you can get back on your feet if you don't repeat past mistakes and take steps to account for your money responsibly. Don't spend more than you can afford to spend and budget in a responsible way. You have been in recovery and have, hopefully, learned some steps to help you stay out of trouble. Believe in yourself and surround yourself with people who will be able to support you in your efforts to start a new life. The slate has been wiped clean, so to speak. Do your best to be the best person you can be. Think positive and work on the areas of your life where you have weaknesses. You are depressed and probably scared to start all of this alone. You can do it and can be a better person for each and every hurt and condition that put you where you are today. Find a group or a person who can help to support you emotionally. Ask for help when you need to have someone listen to you. You will do fine. Go slowly and carefully. You will learn to trust in time and after a while, it won't seem so hard. Take baby steps to get where you are going. It took time to have all of these bad things to happen; take the time to replace the bad times with good ones. You can do it!! Good luck to you.

Answer 6

Think ahead. Move forward. Don't live in or dwell on the past. The sooner you let him go in your mind, the faster you'll heal. The road will be bumpy but you can recover. When those negative thoughts invade your mind, try so very hard to think of something positive, no matter how small. If there's a song you particularly like (that doesn't remind you of him) sing it in your head or out loud. Make a plan for the future, even if it's just for the next day. Take it all one step at a time.

I wish you all the best and I know you can make it through this.

Answer 7

i go through something similiar everytime I come back from deployment, lean times, eating peanut butter for a couple of months trying to make ends meet, so I feel my advice is worthy of consideration

plus I had this sort of problem in my divorce

first thing first, don't do anything rash.

take each project one at a time. First thing is your shelter, your food, your transporation and income to provide your ability to buy what you need, not want.

shelter, food transporation are interlinked, don't just find food, without shelter, stay with a friend if you can. Eating what you make at home saves hundreds of dollars a month.

also network. Ask everyone about jobs, and assistance to help you. there are agencies who live to help people just like you with finding affordable rent, work and food.

and don't get into another relationship to have these things, you will be used and abused and that is bad.

I hope this helps.

you will have to prioritze what is critical and important and do those things.

most people do what is urgent and not important. I hope you understand this.

you can email me any time, I'm always at your service

Answer 8

Well first you need to realize that you need to understand the facts of life. If you don't do something about your situation you will go tot eh street. So first froget your ex that's why your here. Then get a paper and pencil and amke you a budget so you can stick with it till you can level out some. and stick to it. It will be hard int eh begining but you will survive. You don't worry about the divorce or anything else right now just think about getting yourself out of bankruptcy. Then slowly you will get out and make a wonderful life for yourself and then move on. ANd if you need to chat with someone just IM me anytime.

Answer 9

Start by making some lists. Do you need to go back to school part-time? Do you need a higher paying job? Better career? Need to lose weight? Need to quit smoking? What? You have only one choice and that is to start over. Get going. Mr. Right is out there looking for you and he won't be interested in a "loser" kind of person that is depressed. Look at all of this as a new adventure. You are being given a second chance at happiness.

Answer 10

Wow. It seems to me that your problems probably started a long time ago - other wise, why would she put her sister between you? The first thing you need is to get her sister and her kids out of your immediate environment. I love my sister to pieces but whenever she visits me I am fighting with my husband five minutes later. That is because it is an added stress factor, and she is probably messing with your wife's head. Your wife needs to state to herself and to you (PRIVATELY) what her goals are - Is her goal to get away from you? Or maybe to drive you away? I see this all the time with my marriage-troubled friends. The wife says sthg to piss off husband, and as a "retaliation" he gets in the car and drives off, thinking that he is getting back at her, all the while not even realizing the point of her saying sthg mean was to get you out of the house in the first place. So - have a heart to heart with her ALONE and that will probably clear up what path you need to follow. Does she want to try? Is she driving you away? Is she just plain sick of her life? If it is divorce, so be it. It will probably be better than living like a nomad from hotel to hotel, throwing all your money (=time+effort) into the bottomless pit the two of you have created. Now, the most important issue: the kids. Whatever you decide, you need to make sure your next steps (whether they are healing or divorce) do not incapacitate them psychologically. Above all, protect their little souls because they are so innocent and that is about all that is worth protecting in this world. Your job is to raise strong, proud, confident children. And a divorce (or not - depending on whichever of the two causes more suffering) can really take away their self-esteem. So, as I said, above all PROTECT them. Good luck, may you find the courage to untangle this mess.

Answer 11

Start with two kinds of counselling. For yourself personally and financial counselling to get your credit rating back.
Both will get you back on track. If you have an employee assistance service at work, they'll get you on track with both types of help.
I have found counselling really helpful Eventually you will want to see men again and you do NOT want to make the same mistakes. Learn who you are, learn why you do what you do. It will help you with the money stuff too.
A good financial counsellor or credit counsellor will help you with your money so you don't fall into that problem again either.
Grab your girlfriends, ask for help force yourself to go to movies, to dinner, have friends in... do what ever it takes. EVERYONE knows people who've been through a divorce. WE're everywhere. You will find support if you ask for it.
Believe me... he's not worth the wallowing. LIVE your life and learn to enjoy it
good luck