I am dating a man that has "NO" control over his 14,and 15 year old sons and 19 year old daughter,the mother has passed away but there is no rules,grounding,the "ONLY"chores are loading the dish washer that all (3)take turns no other chores are made to do.The kids cuss on a day to day basis like its normal,the one 15 year old supposedly has a school phobia and doesn't go to school,he stays up all hours of the night gets high on his drugs and then slleps most of the day,Normal?The 14 year old gets suspended most of the year and his mouth is terrible,They have no bedtime,the 19 year old might work(cleaning houses)at the most 5-6 hours per day and thinks she has to sleep or run the streets the rest of the time and takes her brothers with her,shes the one buying the cigs and marijuana.would do you do if the father doesn't have control?I would love to see some justice such as the school making the one go but the father can't get him out of the house so he is allowed to stay at home?What's u
2007-09-09 08:43:59 · 16 answers · asked by jilybean 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
Dad needs to step in a take control and not let his teenagers run amuck. It sounds like this has been going on for a while which means that it's probable going to take a while for Dad to get things back to where they should be. If the older sister is buying the kids drugs, Dad need to tell her that if she keeps doing it, he will call the police on her and get her arrested. That may help. It is called "tough love". It might sound harsh but it is for her own good and for her brothers own good.
Dad seriously needs to step in and show them who is boss.
If dad doesn't do this, you might want to think about your realtionship with this man and see if you want to pursue a long term realtionship with him.
2007-09-09 08:51:50 · answer #1 · answered by Operator 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, for one thing if the 14 and 15 year-olds are not attending school their dad can be fined and sent to jail. My husband's first wife passed away and he tended to let his two kids do as they pleased and now his 21 year-old son is a high school dropout that has lost all of his friends, except the ones that do drugs, and he cannot hold a job. The 19 year-old needs to be kicked out or made to pay rent. The two other kids (Actually ALL 3 kids) need to have counseling. They have not really dealt with their mom's death and they cannot keep using it as an excuse to sit around and do drugs. I told my husband that he should have had counseling for his kids because they were doing the same thing. His daughter is 22 now and extremely lazy, but at least she graduated. If you love this guy you need to sit down with him and have a serious talk about their behavior and make sure he knows that he could be in trouble for the, not going to school.
2007-09-09 08:53:07 · answer #2 · answered by Ryan's mom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One, I would stay so far away from this guy I'd be in the next state. This family is so far out of control that it's almost unredeemable.
The 19 year old needs to be out of the house on her own. She is contributing to the delinquency of minors.
The 15 year old needs psychological counseling NOW. Children's Services needs to be involved on this one, because not going to school because of some "phobia" means homeschooling -- and he's not getting that, either.
The 14 year old needs a school environment with a LOT of discipline. Military school comes to mind :-), but there are lots of other options. Again, counseling.
Frankly, the whole family sounds like they are chronically depressed, at the least. If your boyfriend doesn't have the cajones to take proactive steps towards saving his family, they are all going to end up as dysfunctional adults. And if your boyfriend doesn't have the least bit of gumption to put in the effort to save his own children, why are you bothering with such a loser?
2007-09-09 09:11:24 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, and I thought my mouthy teenager was bad!! I really think those kids and the father need counseling first off. Second, if the 19 year old is providing drugs to the minors I would tell that child to get out and provide a life for themselves or have them arrested for providing the kids with the drugs. I can't believe the school hasn't started the truancy process if the kids are not in school at that young of an age. I would not provide the kids with any money which would support their illegal habits and try to find some kind of incentive program to get them to do the things they are supposed to do. Take away all their things that are not life's necessities and make them earn their privileges back. If your husband is not willing to get with the program and do something about these kids, you should just get out of there!
2007-09-09 08:55:04 · answer #4 · answered by crazy in kzoo 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The behaviour of the teenagers is not reflective of their father. It sounds like he is not disciplining them enough, which may very well be because he feels bad for them having lost their mother. He needs a wake-up call and to realize how their future is being affected and their lives put in danger. Being his girlfriend, it is not a good idea for you to jump in and try to change things yourself, but you could have some serious talks with him about your concern for the kids. Maybe find a book or 2 and get him to watch a couple Supernanny or wife swap episodes with problem teens. Other than that, it's really up to him to change things. You could also help by bonding with the kids without introducing your own discipline. They are all old enough to be talked to at adult levels and teenagers do understand reason. Tell them your concern, ask them for respect, and give them respect as well.
2007-09-09 08:59:58 · answer #5 · answered by Cinch73 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW my sister passed away 5 years ago my nephew is 15 and my brother in law cannot contro lhim he has a drinking problem i feel really bad for you i dont know how u put up with it. It is amazing that the dad hasnt had to go to court if they dont go to school they probably will be in jail soon.
2007-09-09 09:06:36 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i say tell the father that you would like to see some controll in th ehouse and that if you dont i will... befor egoing to the kids think up of some rules adn right them down so yuor not standing in ffront of them sayin gumm lets see.. if your prepared they wont admit it bu ttheyll know yo umean business. set some ground rules. adn when they dont fowlle them punish them with things that know thatll hurt them ( no tlitterally ) if on eplays th eguitar and enjoys it take it a way for a week or untill whenever... if they have tvs or computers in there room take them out adn lock them so they cant just reach in and grab them. i would do the tvs first and then say if you have improved then you can get it back. it may sound ridiculess but my sisters adn i used to be really "naughty " we didnt think our parents were serious at first but we completely strainten out we didnt do drugs but th etv thing i s a ig thing for us so good luck
2007-09-09 08:59:26 · answer #7 · answered by candle-wick 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To me, the behaviour of the children reflects the way the person is you are dating. If I was in your situation, I would leave the relationship as soon as possible before it got any worse. Sorry but you cannot tame wild animals. The kids are too old for you to set ground rules, especially someone like yourself who is an outsider.
2007-09-09 08:49:20 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
the kids r acting out b/c of the lost of their mother. u need to have everyone sit down together w/ the father. talk through it and let everything out. tell the father to act like a man and set rules for his children.also tell the father to tell his kids that he loves them and don't want to c them hurt. they're acting out for attention. tell the kids to look at them self and c the path they r taking.education is the only thing that they need to succeed in life. help them w/ school work and explain to them y it's very important. if u need help controlling them ask for help from RELATIVES(family members) or someone they respect, church,police,and intervention.
2007-09-09 08:59:14 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Suggest homeschooling, and counseling, the 19 year old is doing stupid stuff, which is expected, she's an adult so she could be kicked out, the others need to have rules. don't really know the situation so I can't say.
2007-09-09 09:29:19 · answer #10 · answered by Chey_18 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋