My friends paid for my lap dance. So we went to a private corner for my "no contact" lap dance. Well, I got aroused. There was no skin on skin contact ever, a little soft rubbing over clothes. During the session, I finished myself off via a little pocket pool. I then rubbed my hands under my shirt, creating a little stain. Well, she saw it while doing the laundry and confronted me about it. After about a minute of denying what it was, I came clean and confessed to the occurrence. She immediately began with the "I have no right" & "I owe her an apology" argument. I stood my ground saying I owe no apology, I did nothing wrong and no lines were crossed. Plus, I'm 33 yr old. The last time I was at a nudie bar was over ten years ago while active duty in the Marine Corps, I'm home every night by 4pm, don't drink & don't do drugs. I'm a simple family man with a 4 yr old son (previous marriage) that loves the home life, plus, this was my night, I wanted to have some harmless fun! Am I wrong?
2007-09-09 05:59:52 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'd like to add- I have no issues with her going to a strip club and getting a lap dance by a man. All that's important to me is that she comes home to me, and that she loves me like I her. I totally trust her 100%.
I also had no say in where my friends took me, I didn't even know until we got there. I was kept in the dark all night long to "preserve" the surprise.
I just don't think I did anything wrong. I posted this question to see if I'm normal in how I reacted... it's not an omission of guilt. I feel bad her feelings are hurt. But I did not cheat on her, and I never would.
2007-09-09 06:22:05 · update #1
Well ... ya fell on your sword. At least the dancer didn't get sticky. Sounds like the soon to be wife is territorial ... thats reassuring .. she must really be happy with her selection of you. Thats good .... Tell her you again how you feel and that in your previous life as a bachelor this was never a area you had encountered. You never got undressed, you never bumped uglies..... you were in the company of your friends at your "Bachelor Party" and with alcohol on board you finished up yourself .... because you were being true to your Girl.
If you didn't care about her or your own health ... you wudda let the dancer get sticky.
Good Luck ... if that won't work ... run dude RUN !
2007-09-09 06:27:03 · answer #1 · answered by John 7 · 1⤊ 4⤋
If my husband wanted to go to a strip club, fine with me. If he got a lap dance and became aroused, fine with me. If he decided to deal with his arousal AFTER the lap dance and in the privacy of a bathroom stall or his car or home, fine with me. OTOH, you masturbated while this woman was still grinding on you, you didn't ejaculate from extreme arousal, you MADE yourself ejaculate while this woman was still in contact with you. I can understand why your fiance is upset. She's right, you have no right to make yourself ejaculate while in contact with a woman that isn't her, and you do owe her an apology(heh, you're quite lucky the stripper didn't notice you doing, or didn't care, 'cause she probably could have either had your a ss bounced out of there or brought charges against you).
2007-09-09 06:17:53 · answer #2 · answered by littlevivi 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
People sometimes forget everyone is different. Some are offended when husbands watch porn, some rent the videos and enjoy it w/ the husbands. Bottom line, if SHE feels that you have offended her, you Have. Some people think that once you are married you do not have to change, you are you. Well my opinion, that is bs. One thing that never changes is that there will always be changes. If you love her, respect her. If it were my husband I would have smacked his face and probably spit in his face to show him the disrespect that he showed me, but thats me. ( btw most states, that I know of, it is illegal to be w/in 6 inches of the "customer" ) I think you owe her more than an apology. If you hadnt been in 10 years, why go now.....?
2007-09-09 06:17:33 · answer #3 · answered by chaa107 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If I were your financee I would be pissy too. Go to the strip club, Fine. Get aroused, ummm ok fine. BUT save that arousal for your women. Be a man and learn to control yourself. What would you do if the shoe was on the other foot? I am sure you would not like it. If you are going to marry this women, learn control and respect to her. What if the performer hadnt had such ridged rules as far as fraternizing with the customer? Would you have acted on it? If you cant control the beast now without satisfying yourself, I sure as heck wouldn't trust you.
2007-09-09 06:17:12 · answer #4 · answered by tammie h 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Don't try to justify yourself. You are wrong. You were with another woman and while you didn't technically have intercourse, it was enough to get you off. You also denied it first which doesn't look good... so you either consciously or subconsciously know what you did was wrong, otherwise, why would you try to hide it? It sounds like you're going around trying to get validation for what you did while you know that you are wrong. You need to discuss this with your future wife and tell her how you really feel about it. If you truly don't see that you fooled around outside of your relationship and are in the wrong, then you shouldn't get married.
2007-09-09 06:17:21 · answer #5 · answered by Rockit 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
If you had no doubts in your mind that you didnt do something wrong, you wouldnt have put up this question would you? You KNEW your partner wouldnt like it, but you couldnt say no I don't want a lap dance to your mates - that was weak (well gong to the sort of place in the first place wasnt a great idea). You are making the situation worse by saying you've done nothing wrong. Tell your partner you were wrong, you are sorry you have hurt her and you won't do it again - and mean it.
2007-09-09 06:09:39 · answer #6 · answered by Caroline 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Ask yourself first, if she went out with a bunch of girls, and a man made her so arroused by rubbing her through her clothes that she masterbated afterward.. would you feel odd? Quit trying to defend your actions.. . just ask how you would feel if the tables were turned.
How each of you choose to handle this says alot about the upcoming marriage...
ADDITION BASED ON YOUR ADDED DETAILS: The facts are that, as you can read, many of the women here would agree with your wife. However, you are not marrying us... Your choice in who you marry and what kind of marriage you have is between you and your fiancee... There are many "rules" to each marriage and they are different from one marriage to the next. Some believe in open marriages, polygamy, three somes, etc... and although that type of marriage is not for most of us... you are the one going to bed with the wife you choose for the rest of your life (at least in theory)... If being allowed to do what you have posted is important enough to you and you feel no reason to apologize for hurting her feelings.. then, that is something the two of you will each have to decide if you can move forward in the relationship knowing about one another.. I would take it as a strong signal that perhaps you two need to get to know eachother quite a bit more before plunging into marriage together...
2007-09-09 06:04:17 · answer #7 · answered by Wildflower 6 · 6⤊ 2⤋
Hell yes you were wrong and you will be lucky if she doesn't leave you over it. What you did was disrespectful and one step down from prostitution it was an exchange of money for a sexual favor. It is bad enough that women are subjected to this garbage by someone they trust and love for a soon to be husband to look at it......but its crossing the line when asoon to be married man cannot contain himself and has to pay a strange naked woman to grind on his private. This is definately cheating because of where your mind was and it was not with your soon to be wife.You better make it right somehow because if you don't it will come back to bite you!!!
2007-09-09 06:17:38 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 2⤋
nope, I too would had told you off. when I got married the 1st time, my then hubby to be asked how I felt about that stuff, and I said no way. He said if that's where he was taken, he'd walk out. That is called responsibility. Now, it looks like you need to take responsibility for your actions. It's as bad as cheating, especially considering you did get off in the end. There's one place for that and that is with your wife to be. no wheres else.
2007-09-09 06:58:45 · answer #9 · answered by Jenettia S 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Every relationship is different. Couples set boundaries within the relationship. Is your future wife upset beceause you went to the strip club or is she upset because you got a little too intimate with this woman?
From my point of view, I think the "last night of freedom" ends when you decide to seriously date someone.
2007-09-09 06:05:43 · answer #10 · answered by Kristen 3 · 3⤊ 2⤋