Did you hang on to your marriage bed or sell it, donate it ect.. I built a beautiful large log bed that took weeks. After my divorce it just doesn't have any meaning any more as I'm starting a new life with new chapters. Thinking of dismantling and storing it...or firewood..lol.. What about you? does it even matter?.thanks
2007-09-09 04:46:29 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I hope you don't mind. I'm not divorced but if i were you, i would look for a new house. When people have spend time together, a lot of memories will be attached that even when you are with a new partner, flashes of the past will come back. This is not healthy when you are trying to build a new life.
A new house or other things can be a bit like new location. It is different in New York than it is LA. It is common that people often do not like to frequent places that their previous partners have frequented because it brings back old memories. Songs are not just songs but people give it meanings by linking it to something that they know or to a person.
The house is not a house as people link landscape to shared moments. For instance, you go to the restaurant on the seashore. Your memory is not just the person sitting in front of you but the surrounding environment. Is the sunset nice that day? Does the restaurant have a good atmosphere and so forth.
I heard many stories who like to start afresh and that applies to furniture, house, some even change state. Linking, linking and linking. Why do people throw away love letters?
It is like changing jobs, industry, location. It is different. If i were to divorce and seriously want to start a new life with a new partner, i would make changes for me, to help me to move on but it also to respect the other person's feelings. I mean, i wouldn't want to have flashes of the past when i spend time with the new partner for certain furniture and location can bring back memories because you may think,'uh, Harry used to open that, wipe that, sit on it, usually stand there, usually sit there at that time, we usually spend a lot of time here....".
Depending on how sentimental you are and to the past memories. It may affect the relationship because the new partner would like you to be happy and not be haunted by those memories. Furthermore, it will reduce the quality of the relationship as your heart and mind is affected by past memories. Would you buy a house if you know that something bad has happened even though physically it looks fine but in a way, you don't want to be haunted by such thing.
2007-09-09 05:29:37 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you feel that way about it...dismantle it. After my divorce, I did keep the bed and had other meaningless relationships in it and felt no big deal. When I decided to not date for a while I got a new apartment complete with a brand new bed. Happy to report-only 1 guy has been in that bed in the past 3 on/off years...and were still hanging.
2007-09-09 11:50:39 · answer #2 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
As you said, it took you weeks to build it. I would not trash it at all. You are a part of that bed as YOU made it your self. A lot of hours and sweat went into the making of that bed. You might toss the mattresses that you had on it but that is all that I would get rid of. The sheets are washable, wash them and put the new mattresses on that beautify bed that you made.
I have been divorced my self and I kept my bed, as a matter of fact, I kept all my furniture. Most of my stuff was from "kits" that I made (no help from him).
Don't throw your work of art out in the trash! You have some thing to be proud of. Who knows, someday your kids or grand kids may want it. They are not going to care who slept in it but who made it!
2007-09-09 12:08:33 · answer #3 · answered by SapphireB 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
we can get to feeling that way about things after a divorce, if the bed is a reminder then get rid of it and make a new one. get on with your life and thing bring bad memories you do not need them , donate it to the poor some one would probable appreciate this finely made bed ,
2007-09-09 11:53:39 · answer #4 · answered by MASTIFF MOM 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For me if I took all that time to make it
I wouldn't get rid of it.
Each situation is unique though
If it doesn't matter to you or it hurts to have
around then get rid of it.
It will be like a healing or clensing.
A bed is just a bed, it's the memories attached
that have the meaning.
Good luck and take care
2007-09-09 11:52:40 · answer #5 · answered by Andrea / Princess Bitchalot 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I left it with my ex-husband, who is now sleeping on it with his second wife.
I find this extremely weird, but I guess it's his life. If I'd been stuck with the bed, I would have sold it or donated it to charity.
2007-09-09 13:08:31 · answer #6 · answered by Helen W. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my ex and I bought a bed toether king size very expensive and I am in a new realtionship now and we use the bed for our own a bed is just a material object no sentimental meanning to me about it
2007-09-09 11:51:42 · answer #7 · answered by oh_jo123 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My ex wanted our bed during the divorce...then she threw it out. No big deal.
2007-09-09 12:21:22 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Starting over is starting over, no MOMUMENTS from the past!! Another girl/lady will not like any of your ideas except for the FIRE. Or sell it, & buy a NEW CLEAN BED!!
2007-09-09 11:51:57 · answer #9 · answered by happywjc 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i got rid of the bed, sounds silly but it was a closer for me. felt better in a new bad
2007-09-09 11:50:20 · answer #10 · answered by thepainter 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋