I was his secretary and in love with him, but we were just good friends. He got married but within a few years both of them realized they were totally unsuited, but they wanted to have children so they did. The wife stopped having sex with him years ago and gained a huge amount of weight. Now they barely talk to each other. The husband and I soon found that we were totally compatible, and he became very close to my parents and siblings. We've been in a sexual relationship for several years and we spend at least 10 hours together every week and we text each other constantly. He loves me and says we're soulmates, but he doesn't want to walk out on his wife until the kids are old enough to handle it. He has organized for both of us and a couple of friends to go on a holiday (with an elaborate story for an alibi) to make up for the times I'm left alone. If he's willing to take such risks to make me happy, is there hope for me and should I keep waiting till he leaves his wife?
2007-09-09 04:13:57 · 66 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
But doesn't the fact that he wants to take me away on a vacation (where he usually goes with his family) mean that he's getting ready to leave his wife soon? I mean, he hasn't mentioned to me what excuse he's going to give her about why he'll be away -- I'm thinking this whole thing might provoke a real discussion between them about him wanting to move on. And his wife does know me, she met me lots of times in the past and she probably suspects that he's seeing me. She doesn't seem to mind what he does, but this trip might be the thing that convinces her to ask him to leave. Please take this into account -- I really value all the advice youve been giving me so far.
2007-09-11 22:05:02 · update #1
What you both are doing is very wrong and you are wasting your time,plus degrading yourself. First of all,how do you really know that he is not having sex with his wife? You are not in their home,so you don't know what they do or have in common.You only know what he is telling you.If she does know about the affair,then she has more control than you and has decided to wait it out....their emotional bond must be strong and not just because of the children.Sex does not hold a marriage together,it is much deeper than that.Men do not stay married to women they do not love.Even if he left her or she left him,does not mean the two of you would marry....might be a big trust issue,since you are both cheaters.You seem to think she will leave him after the trip...why don't you decline and see if he will leave her! I think you are dealing with a smart women and a man that loves his wife,but wants to play around. This is all food for thought...think about your own words...an elaborate story...sounds like he really does not want his wife to find out and for a reason.Some women will not leave their husbands for various reasons...Get out of this relationship and find a real one...don't you deserve having your own husband and family or do you want to be second fiddle? Please don't be part of breaking up a family,you will not be rewarded for it and will regret it one day.
2007-09-17 03:45:35 · answer #1 · answered by ana 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes,it is disappointing if love turns sour but it does happen.Little girls are raised with the Cinderella and Snow White stories and that is what they come to believe is the ultimate dream.That's just it though,they're just fairy tales.Nothing is written in stone.It takes two to make a marriage work and if one is not doing their part then it goes bad.That's reality.If you and your man are constantly arguing,don't trust eachother and counseling has done no good,then it is probably time to end it.Alot of people have high hopes for marriage and love being forever.You're not alone.Reality says it could go either way.Maybe the fact that your parents were married for forty years has caused you to seek that for yourself as well.Not all men change completely when they get married so don't even think that way.And don't go into a new relationship expecting an instant replay of the one you just got out of.That is setting yourself up for failure.There is always a blind phase in the beginning where your beloved can do no wrong and has no faults.Then when it cools down some and some time has passed reality sets in and all the little bad habits,etc. come out.That is the real test.Whatever you decide to do,good luck to you and if you can find the middle ground between the clouds and the hard cold world,all the better.
2016-05-20 04:43:49 · answer #2 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
lady, if he were going to leave his wife he would have all-ready done it. Face the facts, he's probably telling you what you want to hear. He loves the excitement and thrill of slipping around. If you sit around and wait on him until his children are older i can almost bet you there will be something else that will stop him from leaving. How old do the children have to be? Guess what it doesn't matter how old they are, if he leaves his wife for you, the children will not handle it well. Sorry, but you need to find you a single man that has the same interest as you and start living a life. Waiting around on a married man is not a life. Another thing if he will cheat on his wife, he will cheat on you. Honey, you better run as fast and far as you can from this man. He will eventually break your heart. Sorry i don't mean to be so critical but, been there, done that.
2007-09-16 15:25:14 · answer #3 · answered by fiberglassliper 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Does his wife know this is going on? After all these years of texting and no sex she surely has an idea. Just remember when you're the wife you're going to be suspicious of him doing to you what he's doing to her. If you gain weight will he find someone else? It's really easy to want what you can't have, but what are you going to do when you're the wife and he has to be away from home a few nights? You probably think this doesn't sound like your relationship at all, but think how much fun it is to spend only 10 hours a week with someone and get to have sex with them. No responsibility, no household chores, no day to day compatibility issues. If he's so creative in hiding things from his wife, what is he going to hide from you? If he was really there just for the kids he wouldn't have to have an alibi to feed his wife. The bottom line is, even if he says it's for the kids, if he was a respectable person, he would tell his wife and they could both decide if staying together is the best thing for the kids. If that's the degree of respect he thinks wives deserve, that's the degree of respect you'll get from him someday. DON'T SETTLE FOR THAT
2007-09-09 04:22:45 · answer #4 · answered by awakeatdawn 3 · 6⤊ 0⤋
It is such a lame excuse that married people just stay together because of children. I just don't buy his reason of prolonging his marriage because he wants to wait for his children to grow older. No amount of time nor age difference can avoid the fact that his children are bound to be devastated because of the outcome of their parents' marriage. Empathy is the key to your predicament right now. If you were in his wife shoes, how would you feel if the person you know all this time has been sleeping with your husband? If you are one of his children, how would it make you feel if you have an unfaithful father? When a married person becomes unfaithful - he doesn't only cheat his partner but he also cheats on his children. Would you be at peace knowing this? Your parents and siblings have accepted this situation because they see you happy but it doesn't mean your relationship is right. Why involve your family on a sticky situation when there's no assurance of a bright future? Would you rather fore go this love and rebuild your self worth and self esteem. Life is too short to waste on someone who is not really 100% yours.
2007-09-16 13:57:25 · answer #5 · answered by addicted too 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ask yourself what you want out of life...I bet it's a happy marriage with a wonderful and honest man who loves you and wants to have children with you. Now ask yourself...is this man being wonderful and honest? No, he's broken his marriage vows, is lying to you and his wife and children.
The bible says you reap what you sow. All of this will come back to haunt you. There are consequences for what you do. You are throwing the best years of your life away for someone who is making no promises to you and doesn't know how to be faithful to his wife.
I recommend that you look for another job, if you are still working for him or working within the same company. When the affair is exposed, you will be the one looked at as the Other Woman who is a homewrecker and broke up the family. You will lose your job, guaranteed. Despite everything your lover tells you, you will made as the scapegoat. You will be despised and spit on.
You need to run far and fast away from this man. Break off all contact. You need to date only men who have never married before or is a widow. You do not need the baggage your lover will bring, if and that is a big IF, he does divorce his wife and marry you.
BTW: I am just amazed that your parents and siblings condone your affair with this man. Although something tells me that they don't know he's married with kids.
2007-09-09 05:42:31 · answer #6 · answered by janetrmi 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, enough people have told you to dump the guy..... so...... let me do the devils advocate thing. Look at what you have. He loves you with no doubt. He is in an impossible relationship that he can't get out of. Child support and alimony will ruin him and he knows it. So, what are his choices? He can live cold hearted in a dead relationship till the children leave, then date and hopefully find love at an impossibly older age. Or he can live a life full of love with you till that day he can leave his wive without too much financial ruin. Till then there will be hiding, head games, and the feeling of being second fiddle to a tyrant wife.
Then there's the creative cure. You send an anonymous message to the wife, tell her that she is slowly killing her husband with her ridiculous idea of a family unit. Tell her that he has a secret lover and needs to get a divorce. Then be prepared for the earth to shake for the next few years. Only upside is that he will be fighting her in divorce court with you by his side. That is till you get pregnant and gain a few pounds, then his next girl friend will give you a call.
Bottom line is you are in love with the forbidden fruit! As in the days of our ancestors to the very first inhabitants of the world, you are now being offered an apple, want to take a bite?
2007-09-09 04:43:34 · answer #7 · answered by delux_version 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
One thing for sure, he is a smart two timing creep. I don't know if he's the craziest or you and your family.Not only did he get married, but the bum brought kids into this thing he has with you. I can not believe that you are so happy about the fact of his WIFE knows you. What makes you think that he is not having sex with her, not loving her and not wanting to really be with her? You are so naive. I can't believe you are happy about a trip to make up for the fact he is two timing his wife. The one thing you NEED to worry about is when she finds out that you have been in her face and sleeping with her HUSBAND. She might tear you a new one. I really hope that she does or sue your slutty a** for abandonment of affection. You are right, you 2 are compatible. Both of you are low life, two faced, over heated, nasty people. You have no respect for marriage, so how on earth do you think he will leave his wife and kids and marry someone that cheated with him, why on earth do you think he is going to be faithful to you? I hope you and him, both get what you deserves.
2007-09-16 18:39:47 · answer #8 · answered by Go GO Ressa 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You both are foolish and should be choking on the BULLSH*T! He thinks the kids being older will make them able to handle the fact that he has been cheating on his wife for years? They will not respect or thank him for that? They knew they were unsuited for each other but had kids together anyway. GIVE ME A BREAK!!! THis man isnt leaving his wife because he doesnt want to. If he really loved you he would divorce his wife and be with you. His kids will be affected NO matter when he does it...He has the best of both worlds and I bet if you talked to his wife she would tell a much different story. I have no respect or feel sorry for cheaters and I hope you both get what you deserve for playing with fire and thinking you shouldnt get burned!
2007-09-09 04:22:02 · answer #9 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 10⤊ 0⤋
sweetie you need to wake up and smell the coffee. this man is MARRIED and aint nothing unhappy about it. he is lying to you and you are accepting it because he does just enough for you not to question him about leaving his wife. this man is not going anywhere. if he and his wife are so unhappy why not file for a divorce than continue to make both lives miserable. come on sweetie. give me a break. you are being played and the kicker is that you dont have a clue. you should need be involved with him until he gets a divorce. be mindful that what goes around comes around. and keep in mind of how you got involved with him. dont you think that you are the only girl that he has had on the side. and do you think that you will be the last. grow up and leave that WOMANS HUSBAND ALONE. he is not yours at this point no matter where he takes you and hide you. you are setting yourself up for failure. GodBless.
2007-09-16 13:21:50 · answer #10 · answered by Crystal G 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋