Why, Why, Why??

Question

I have been married for 7 years. We have been together for 10 years. We separated last Oct but we cont. to communicate with each other. One min my husband would say he love me and the next min he didnt. He always said it was because of my mouth. Tomorrow he will be filing for a divorce. How do I let it go because I think he has really made up his mind and don't want this marriage anymore. I love my husband and wish I could make things work.

Answer 1

You answered your own question. "He always said it was because of my mouth." You should listen to yourself.

Answer 2

You cannot make someone love you or work on the relationship in counseling if they don't want to. The only thing you can do is accept his decision if this is what he truly wants. You have to move on and learn from your own mistakes and be a better person for them. Even though two people love each other it doesn't mean they can live together. Sometimes things just don't work out and you find that you are not compatiable.As much as you hoped for things to work out sometimes they just don't and we have to let it go. It takes two people working on a marriage and I am sure your husband wasn't right about things to you either. If he wants this divorce then let him have it I would not ask him to change his mind if he could not see things differently and be accountable for half the problems he contributed to. It is not all of your fault so always remember that.

Answer 3

He may love you but not love how you treat him or like your approach to problem solving. He may see you as his adversary instead of his best friend. He may not seen any way to solve the issues in the marriage or feel like there are any options left.

Sorry this is going so badly. I think you have to talk the real issues. Why does he feel hurt, rejected, resentful? How could it go differently? What is the solution?

If he is surely set to leave, then you will have to give yourself some time. Maybe he could do you the favor of really explaining what turned him away so you don't drag that behavior into future relationships. Maybe it is not all about you. Maybe he is unhappy and thought you could fix that and still hasn't realized no one can except him. I just don't know.

Can you two get away and talk calmly? Are you able to really listen to what he says if he could tell you what would make him want to stay?

Hugs to you. Hang in there.

Answer 4

Look at it like this, you have had 10 years to make it work, I am sorry it fail, but it did, now you have to move on with your life. He doesn't want the marriage anymore, and you can't make him, for it takes 2 to make a marriage work. If you love him as you stated, let him go and if it's to be he will come back. You still have a chance at a happy life, and remember your mistakes in this one and learn from it for the next relationship, a lesson well learn-ed good luck to you.

Answer 5

Only you and your husband know why. You can't hold onto someone who doesn't want to be held onto. It takes two to make a relationship work. You must be willing to openly take into consideration his feelings. If you were seperated before and still went back to one another then both of you must have wanted the marriage. If he doesn't want this marriage then you will have to deal with it. It will be hard. I am assuming he does not like the things you say when he says its because of your mouth. No matter what it is you are saying, only you know if they are wrong or not. Sometimes he may not like what you say because it may be true. Tell your husband you want to make things work. Seek counseling if he is open to it for your marriage. IF he does not want to then seek counseling for yourself. Life will go on and happiness and love will still be yours for the taking just possibly not with him.

Answer 6

You say you love him and would like things to work out. Then have yourself a sit down and talk to the man. Tell him you love him and want him in your life. Ask him what it is that bothers him so much. Tell him if there is a chance that if you change certain things that bother him will he stay. If he tells you what it is you can do to improve the relationship. If this is the man you love and want to share your life with. Resolve to make those changes. After this talk if he is still set on not wanting to be with you. Then let him go it wasn't meant to be.

Answer 7

You have to let go and move on with your life. In order for the marriage to survive...BOTH partners have to be in agreement about saving the marriage. Your husband sounds like he has made up his mind to file for divorce...don't look at this as the end of your life...think of it as a new beginning.

Answer 8

I have seen this twice--- they were getting a divorce cause the guy is fed up with the motor mouth that the wife has... Lot is telling him what to do. And insulting comments to his inability to make decisions. In other words-- he is always wrong.-- never right... He has told you about the mouth --but he is never right.....Divorce papers are going in and he figures that he will be much happier without you and the mouth... Sorry---..

Answer 9

just try to get out of it if you have been seperated but still seeing each other it sounds like he has been using you for a quick fix if you know what I mean..... try to move on see if you can go to counseling together and maybe use the divorce as a time to see how it is with out the other person you might end up back together but then you might be able to find something bettter out there

Answer 10

why why why?????????

what's wrong with your mouth? have you asked him? what do you think? is he right?

how you can let go is just let go, stop thinking, follow your heart..... if need to feel sad then cry it out loud....

what have you done to make things work? how about him?

since you 2 can still talk, then talk it out. no blaming, no wrong, no right, focus on what do you want....

try counselling?

what I can say is when a man try and give it up later, then it is worth looking at all parties involved here.

he love you for your good, and he don't for your so called "bad" to him, normal behaviour.

I think 2 of you need to quiet down, stop thinking, follow your heart, know what do you want out of this relationship, and in life.

action, let him feel, let him understand and let him accept... and most importantly stop talking if talking has always worsen the situation.

all the best.

Answer 11

You can't make someone love you.

Try reverse tactics, don't be mean just become distant and unconcerned. You are too needy and insecure right now,so he has the control. Don't call him, don't look for him. Find something else to do.

If you do it right and are strong enough to hold out, he will come around to find out why you are not insecure anymore. It's strange how this works, but it really does.