My home is a total mess, I have no drive to clean it.How do I get my self motivated to clean? Same prob any1?

Question

I am so drivin in other area of my life, I just havn't had time to do what needs to be done in my home. I can't have people in my home for risk of them calling CYS. Also just the sheer embarrasment! When I am in public you would never guess in a million years I have this problem. My kids can't even have friends over. My mother is walking-disabled and is very damanding of my time. The rest of my time is devoted to getting my kid where they need to go. And on top of it all, I am a full time student and my husband travels for his job. How do I learn to manage? Does anyone else suffer the same?

Thanks so much to all who have responded. I felt like I freak. I walk around witht this big dirty secret everyday and sometimes my life just wears on me. Thank-you for taking the time to care. Even if I didn't select you, you ALL have helped me immensly. I'm going to try to start today!

Answer 1

My home is ok, but my OFFICE that is ALWAYS a nightmare. I would rather be on the computer than cleaning my office and it becomes the dumping ground when I have to tidy the rest of the house.

Also my junk room and garage are TERRIBLE. It is kind of like I have to HAVE someplace that I can be MESSY in.

There is a saying I heard once that I feel fits here. It is easier to KEEP up, rather than CATCH up. ABSOULUTELY.

When my father died it took us six months of steady work for three of us to CATCH UP on HIS lifetimes MESS. I just dont want to be that way, but I can see signs of it in my habbits.

Our house stays in a reasonable state because we do have visitors quite often. But behind closed doors....THERE IS A PARTY GOING ON. *grin*

Thing is too, both me and my husband spend WAY TOO MUCH TIME helping other people, rather than working closer to home.

Seriously, you have kids and a mother whom you spend TIME with. That is IMPORTANT. You CANT be good at EVERYTHING. Cut yourself some slack and get some help one way or another to give you a kick start in an area that you dont excell at. An outsider can often make huge progress when we just wander around in circles feeling OVERWHELMED.

You know, I have a TON of stuff packed and ready for charity shops, but STILL IN MY HOUSE. Go figure.

Lets just say that you are NOT ALONE and in your position you do need to get a friend or a professional cleaner in to help out.

Also, I agree that the kids can help out.

Answer 2

Sorry ~ this is long: You have two very separate issues here. The first is your depression, which you can do something about, and need to in order to feel better again. It's just like having a cold or the measles ~ you need to see the doc, maybe take a course of medication and look after yourself! Also, there are some things you can do to help feel less depressed. The first is, you need to leave the house and go outside for fifteen minutes every day. Spend at least some of that having a good brisk walk (just five minutes is enough), fast enough to get your pulse going and make you sweat a little, but not knock you out. Then sit down for a few minutes in the sun or wind, and just feel the air on your skin. Try to think about nothing except the sky, or a tree or an animal you see. This is a basic relaxation technique, but it has also been found by medical studies that mild exercise and spending some time in the outdoors really helps get the body's natural defences against depression happening. Eat some FRESH fruit or veg every day, and drink lots of fresh water. These things have also been PROVED to help alleviate depression. Your doc may also be able to help with a course of medication to help 'lift' you over this hump. These can be very useful, so do consider a short term course until you are feeling stronger. The second issue you are dealing with is your relationship situation. It sounds like you would like your home to be different, but are finding it hard to do all that is necessary. The first question to ask is, does your bf know how you feel? Is he aware you have been depressed and need his support? Perhaps he feels blamed for your unhappiness or is also suffering some sort of depression. Or, he may be a selfish sort of chap who simply expexts you to wait on him and can't be bothered taking his share? You will know better than me if it is one of these things, or something else. Once you have seen the doc, speak to your bf and explain that you are not simply lazy, but that you have depression and need his help. Make a list of the things that need doing, and ask him to decide which tasks he will do and which you will do. Ask his help to figure out how to solve the problems that seem so big. For example, perhaps he can suggest a way to prevent the animals getting into the garbage? He may be able to make a container that they can't get into, or suggest a way to store it so they can't get at it. The thing about being ina relationship is that you do not have to do everything yurself! You can work as partners to achieve what you need to do. Then, ask your bf to help you clean up one or two rooms really well. Say the kitchen and the sitting room. If he won't help you, ask a friend or sister to help, in exchange for you doing them a favour ~ sewing, childcare, cooking, gardening, whatever. Turn the radio on, sing and dance, have some fun doing it, but working with someone is easier than doing it alone. If there is no-one, you need to try to do something each day. Even a small amount is enough ~ half an hour a day will bring results in a week! Push yourself to do it. Once a room is tidy, let your bf know you expect it to stay that way. Let him know that if he wants his washing done, it must be in the hamper, or you won't do it. And don't. Do any washing in the hamper ~ your washing, the houehold linen, etc, but nothing that is not. You need to be firm about this. He will never feel happy or comfortable in his home if he hates it and feels it is just the 'tip' where he lives. Once it is tidy and he respects it, his attitude may well change. If it doesn't, you may need to reconsider your relationship, unless you plan on being someone's servant forever. Check out the links below for useful information and ideas about beating depression. Then visit your doc, take a walk in the open air and break free from this feeling of hopelessness. Good luck and best wishes :-)

Answer 3

I know this line is such an old one but as the saying goes "if there's a will, there's a way". If your priority now is to take care of family affairs, then there's no problem to that. I am sure your family members and your guests will understand. But , if you finally decide you really need a home makeover, then try to give yourself the "inspiration" to clean up. Start by looking at home magazines or by visiting model homes. I am sure this will encourage you to tidy up. It would also be better if you involve your kids with the idea. Hopefully, they will help you tidy up or if not, at least they would be less of clutter contributors later on. Good luck!

Answer 4

It's hard with such a full and active life, but the kids need to live in a home that they are able to invite their friends back to. Try and set out a certain time each morning, afternoon or evening - and then again on weekends to do the main things that you are getting behind with. Stick to this routine and you will soon be on top of things again! Good luck!

Answer 5

I know it's hard to keep on top of the house work. I feel like I have a clearer mind when I finally clean house. My ex and I have joint custody of my 4 year old daughter; when she is here it is impossible to keep the house "clean". I wait until she is at school or at her dads before I even attempt to clean to avoid frustration. If I am really having a hard time getting motivated I go buy something new for the kitchen or living room. something simple and pretty and I just start cleaning around it and I usually get in the Mood to clean.. Good Luck Girl!~ You can do it! haha

Answer 6

Get some help with the housework! It's no disgrace. There are inexpensive cleaning services.
If money matters rule-out the above...you evidently need to cut back on one or more of those items you listed as preventing acheivement of your goal: a clean house.

Answer 7

How old are the kids? Make it fun for everyone. Assign jobs or a room to everyone make it a contest.Prize like a pizza of their choice or a sleepover or a cookout . Put on some loud energy music make it fun instead of a dread. turn off the TV phone cell phone and kick butt!

Answer 8

Try hiring a home organizer, they've seen it all before. They'll get you started and then you can continue to do the rest litlte by little. I sometimes do my house only during commerical breaks because i get so lazy.
And remember the stress you're feeling,your kids can feel it too.

Answer 9

Yes I do, I have found the best thing is to take one job at a time. Trying to do more will make your head spin! Good Luck...

Answer 10

I can relate to this, my house looks like a storage shed! You seem to have alot of things to take care of so don't stress about the house unless you start seeing alot of rodents or cockroaches.