Marriage falling apart?

Question

It feels like everything is my fault and it hurts so bad that i cry every single day. My husband doesnt understand me at all and even though i try talking with him about whats bothering me or how im feeling he still doesnt take time out to communicate with me. I am currently 32 weeks pregnant with his child and Im going through many changes and dealing with mood swings and everything concering. I feel by myself in this pregnancy even though i have a husband and when i tell him this he just says nothing and i feel ignored. I wake up very upset and scared that he will leave me any day. Back in january or february he was about to leave me and then we found out i was pregnant then he changed his mind and stayed with me i guess. I cant talk to him about nothing so thats why i have to come online and talk to complete strangers about my problems because either he wont listen or just say im blowing things out of porportune.(word not spelled right.) Im just frustrated and he dont even know :(

Answer 1

You answered your own question. You are pregnant.

You have mood swings.

You are probably not feeling very rational or calm these days so your imagination sees him abandoning you and you feel like dying.

TALK TO HIM and confirm from his own words that he stays with you. Keep it simple.

Do not overanalyse or complicate things with issues that do not matter to him.

Answer 2

I know this is hard to hear, but, so far everything is in chaos with you. He is wanting to leave you because you have so many problems that are mostly in your head. Sad thing is you already know this! You need to stop following your feelings and start using the brain God gave you. Force yourself to be happy. Give your husband a break for a couple weeks, all positive, no negative. If you feel like venting, go outside away from everyone and scream! Use this as an experiment if you want but, I will tell you that you will enjoy the outcome! If so, then continue this experiment till after the child birth. By then your hormones will be back to normal and life will again be serene. Note: remember this whacked out way you feel and strongly consider this being the last child you have. You will do better financially and you will never have to go through this freaked out phase again.

Answer 3

What do you think is best for you? How has your relationship been in the past? Is this the same pattern over time? First and foremost is that you stop feeling this way since it is not healthy for you. The only way to do that is to change what is causing it. Understand that you are not alone. You are not the first one (nor the last one) to go through this. You MUST make yourself happy in order to be the best parent you can be. Your actions teach your child so much more then your words do. Show this child you are strong enough to over come your fears by doing what is best for YOU! Everyone should be focusing on you right now. No reason you should have this type of problem at such a joyous time of your life. Be Strong, and happy and bring this child into a world without anger and hate and resentment.

Answer 4

Think first. Use your mind.
You're pregnant - this is something big. Men don't operate the way women do - they recoil from excess emotion. Get your thoughts together and talk to him BUT leave the emotions out of it.
Try to be practical.
I've been married 20 yrs. & have learned that when we (women) cry & get emotional, many men don't have the training to deal with it. So they pull back which looks like they don't care.
Think about your baby. If he's abusive - physically or emotionally, you need to work out an escape plan and GET OUT.
If he's not, then think step by step about what your baby needs, what you need and then sit down with him. But for heavens sake, don't make it all mushy gushy. Guys just turn off. Talk about goals with him - (family, work, financial etc.) he can understand that. By the way - I am a woman - 47 yrs. old.
And maybe, it you are sitll so overwhelmed, remember you have lots of hormones raging inside. And if you still feel so bad, you need to think about some brief counseling for yourself. He may not be the person to help solve those problems.

Answer 5

I am sorry that your husband refuses to value as a person and fails to acknowledge that you have feelings. I disagree with the first poster. How or why you became pregnant is not the issue...and the blame for you getting pregnant isn't and shouldn't be put all on your shoulder. Your husband is refusing to plug into your relationship. Did you ever talk to him about why he wants to leave you? If he didn't want to talk then and doesn't now...it is doubtful that he ever will. If he is only staying with you because of the baby...he is being very unfair. You deserve to be loved and cherished. His refusal to talk tells me that he is emotionally done with you. You would be much better off without him...you and the baby both. If he refuses to work on your marriage...I would suggest at least a separation......I know that you are most likely scared.....but you are strong....more than you know.....you have to think about your baby as well.....bringing a child up in a loveless marriage will affect the child. Best of luck to you!

Answer 6

I really mean it when I say I am sad to hear how bad you feel. Been married and divorced twice myself and have an idea of what it feels like when things don't seem to be right.

I used that word, "seem". The reason is that at the moment your hormones must be all over the shop with being pregnant. I maintain that us blokes get the better deal with all that.
I can't imagine what it would be like to be so vulnerable and unknown to myself even...
Simply, blokes like functionality. Practical things, things to work without drama;if they don't work, fix them. That's about how it feels for us.

With the earlier doubts about staying together then suddenly thinking he will be a Dad, he will be feeling most likely trapped. Then on top of that you show how upset you are feeling and he will think he is caged.

I agree that it is right and proper to tell your feelings to your partner. For now though, try to communicate with a close friend, of either species. Develop that mutual sharing of ideas for a while so at least you have a good outlet, DON"T BOTTLE UP WHAT YOU FEEL!

After a time you will feel more even keeled and it is then that;
A. You can start calmly sharing with your man, this time without feeling under such load

B. He will likely notice you seem more "together"and will more likely want to share with you.

Best wishes. John S.

Answer 7

I know what you're going through. I've been through the same. I would advise that you don't try and hide your feelings from either of them. Anger and feelings of betrayal are normal. They are in a pretty horrible place too now, but in order to make the right decisions for themselves and for you they need to know how you feel and what you're thinking. Emotions are running hot and they will probably say and do things which they will regret. Your mother wants to run away, which is normal. I'm guessing, since you don't want to leave, that you like your Dad and the place where you live. It's good you told her you don't want to move. If you want her to listen, honesty (blunt honesty) is always best. My parents seperated: my Dad got remarried and my mother has jumped from relationship to relationship. It's been a very bumpy ride but I can say that I've come out of it all right and a much stronger person. Your parents still love you. Things might seem chaotic and dark right now, but I promise that it will get better.

Answer 8

He wanted out before the pregnancy. He just stayed because of that. Right now he really feels trapped. He wants to leave but his duties to you as the pregnant wife is the only thing that's keeping him there. He is gonna see this pregnancy through then leave. I suggest you make plans for the end of this marriage after your pregnancy.

I'm sorry to hear you're going through this at this point in your life.

Answer 9

A lot of men don't communicate emotional things very well. You being pg makes you moody and possibly insecure too.
The fact that he is still with you, means he loves you. Just because he doesn't know how to listen or talk to you, doesn't mean he doesn't care. Find a female friend to share with. Find some one older who has been married a long time and has gone through pregnancy.

Just love your husband for who he is and stop trying to get him to give you something he can't. Be kind to him, be caring, giving, selfless, patient, tolerant, have unconditional love, be quick to forgive and slow to anger.

Answer 10

first off flower girl has good points but bad delivery..

I agree if he was about to leave.. why did you decide to stay with him.. i know several single mom's that are doing better after the men left. why was he going to leave in the first place.. was he seeing another woman.. was it just that things changed..

in all honesty you really should look into some family counseling cause if he's sticking with the marriage.. and you feel like he's a ghost.. then its bound to fail.. it needs to be looked out.. you do need to get to the root of the problem..

it sounds like you know its already to the divorce point.. and cant accept it.. its better a kid raised in a broken home than one raised in one of hate and loathing .

Answer 11

I was very sick with my pregnancy. But you must remember part of it or most is do to hormone change. Though your not feeling yourself. Don't put pressure on him as in making him think it's his duty to keep you happy when your not. Don't do as some women do and expect your husband to cater to all your whims. That sort of thing is what make men stay away from home. They dread having to enter a house where she is in one of her moods. I have to remember she is pregnant and acting sort of crazy. Some guys go out and have affairs or leave all together. That he stayed because you were pregnant means he is trying.