I love my husband a lot. I'm married 8 years and have 3 kids. I fully trust my husband in everything. He is the most wonderful one for me. During my 3rd pregnancy , I accidentally caught him masturbating watching porn. I was shock , hurt, surprised. He could not give explaination but he knew I was hurt. After few days of can't stand it, I ask him again why. He said he doesn't want to request sex with me because don't want to disturb me as I was pregnant. I partially accepted the reason but started to loose trust. He reluctantly said won't do it again. Later down te road I found out he did it again. I felt insecure. I am pretty and good looking even given after birth. I never caught him doing it again for half year now. I forgave him but never forget it. I still not gain 100% trust back which I'm feeling very troubled occasionally. I don't know why I can't gain trust. He sometimes cannot perform halfway sex. He doesn't know why. He has a lot of pressure at work. Pls advise me.
2007-09-09 03:18:01 · 36 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think there are much worse things that some husbands do than masturbating and porn. Its quite natural. Just be thankful hes not with another woman. Its not a big deal. I think you need to calm down. Good luck
2007-09-09 03:25:49 · answer #1 · answered by suga UK 5 · 4⤊ 2⤋
It's a little annoying to hear these folks who keep ranting that once a cheater, always a cheater. Affairs happen for many reasons, and sometimes "good" people have them, acknowledge the mistake and then repair the marriage and stay faithful. Of course there are the sex addicts and narcissists that probably can't or don't want to be reformed, but if the cheating happened because of some need that wasn't being met in the marriage and that problem is resolved, why assume it will happen again? This guy sounds like he had one last fling before tying the knot, which was a stupid and insecure thing to do, but not necessarily worth ending the marriage over. He DID marry the girl, so he must have decided he wanted to be with her, not the other woman. If he's still ambivalent, then they should get counseling now, before they have children. Chances are he got it out of his system and he is prepared to be a committed husband. How many guys get a little too carried away at the bachelor party and still go on to be good husbands? Probably quite a few.
2016-04-03 22:34:47 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Er...men and women masturbate during relationships even when the sex is brilliant. Its like having a sneaky chocolate biscuit that you don't feel like sharing. Its not a judgement against you, its merely just doing it because you can't really be bothered having sex at that time and diy is quick and efficient and does the job. I don't like the porn thing though as I would be upset too. My husband doesn't find porn a turn on which is okay by me but a lot of men do. They don't see it the way we see it which is just as well! My husband and I did have sex right through my pregnancy but if he didn't fancy being squashed by the great lump, then I just did a hj or a bj. He prefers that to doing it on his own. Perhaps you could offer same to your partner? Also, you might want to ask him a sneaky one - see if he can 'help' you to masturbate too and make him watch. He will soon not be bothered with porn if he knows the real thing is going to be there doing the naughties. Also, suggest he writes down his fantasies and preferred positions on strips of paper. You do it too. Chuck them in a hat and now and again, pull a strip of paper out and see what it says and then do it. Its a great way of sharing without getting too embarrased or shy about it. I reckon you would both benefit from a little more excitement in the bedroom. If he has to play solo sometimes, you wont feel so bad as you will know that its nothing to do with not wanting you. And then of course, you should go solo now and again to even the score. Make sure you have a picture of someone attractive by you when its going on so he can get a taste of how that feels!
2007-09-12 10:12:33 · answer #3 · answered by AUNTY EM 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I read your previous question, and the replies. I don't think some people on here realise how you feel, but I do because I left my last husband for this reason. He knew I hated porn but still carried on, and seemed to prefer masturbating to having sex with me. I think you really need to talk to your husband about all this. The last time he said that he didnt want to talk about it, but all that has done is make you worry and worry about it. Its half a year now and you still are worryng. I understand that cos I was like it. I reckon he can't perform now with you because he probably does still masturbate and feels guilty. Anyway, the feeling when masturbating is different. I mean the pressure - maybe your vagina isnt so tight now after 3 kids. If you don't talk to him and tell him how insecure you feel it will eat you up inside and you will probably split up anyway. It wasnt fair for him to say not to talk about it. You NEED to, in my opinion. Good luck.
2007-09-09 03:32:31 · answer #4 · answered by Caroline 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Hi there hon
It sounds like to me what his problem really is, is that he is becoming bored. Try talking to him openly ask him what he likes about watching the porn and why he finds it attractive, listen to what he says and then try to incorporate some of that into your sex play. Also you said that he has problems during sex, so I would go with him to the doctors and see what they suggest (don't be embarrassed that's what a doctor is for) and also you mentioned that he has a lot of stress at work so that is also a contributing factor.
What I would do is arrange one weekend when you can send the kids to stay with their grandparents or someone else that you trust and go on a weekend away together, don't think of it as a weekend to have sex just enjoy been with each other and having no kids around and get in touch with each other again and see what follows
That's what I would do
But don't worry about him watching the porn, it DOESN'T mean that he finds you less attractive, and maybe he just needs more excitement and stimulation during sex.
2007-09-09 03:28:48 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
I had the same this happen to me.. I'm 26weeks and caught my hubby with porn and I was very upset too. He said he was bored and knows that I'm not "really into sex" and wanted some relief.. I haven't been able to trust since but I understood what he was feeling and going through.
It will take some time and just try to oral pleasure him.. do surprize stuff that will really get him going. One night my huby came home from work and I was dress all up and he enjoyed it. Try something like that. I hope everything works out!
2007-09-09 03:41:06 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You just have to understand that's how guys operate. Now personally I would be pissed about the porn, but the fact that he was getting his jollies w/o you shouldn't bother too much. My husband doesn't like to have sex often with me because I'm 7 months pregnant and he's afraid of hurting the baby. Men have to have sex so he just did it himself. So don't be upset about that, I don't blame you for the porn cause like I said I wouldn't like that either, and still have some trust issues with my husband concerning that. But I look at it this way, atleast I know he's not cheating on me. And since your hubby hasn't done it since shows that you are still attractive to him, it was just the baby.
2007-09-09 03:28:01 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Our largest sexual organ is our brain. For some reason, it seems that he is having some reason in his head to keep him from either a) seeing you as a sexual being, or b) being attracted to you. If he is providing for you and performing as a husband should and a father should, why would you deny him a little outlet for his sexuality?
Obviously you have some probkem with your own sexuality, or you would not be threatened by his.
Take a good long look in the mirror. Surprise! you are NOT the woman he married. Are you in good shape? Do you even try to look nice (and not for your girlfriends, but nice for him)? When is the last time you wore makeup.
I am sure the problems aren't one-sided, but you can control YOUR actions. Why not start there, instead of trying to control his.
Wake up, treat him like you would treat a new boyfriend. Maybe things will improve. Get to know him, really know him, his fear, his pain, his dissapointment, and his fantasies.
But, first of all, get over yourself. Masturbation is natural and an excelent outlet for sexual frustration and fantasy. That you are disturbed by this reveals a sense of inferiority and prudishness in your own personality. Your on the road to shrill shrewishness. Get off the path
2007-09-09 05:06:00 · answer #8 · answered by Steve B 2 · 0⤊ 3⤋
To be very honest there are two parts to this answer.
1. A male has testicles which produce testosterone. This causes the male to become horny etc... (to be quick with this explaination) his body will eventually rid it self (through ejaculation) when the tank gets full so to speak. That means that when the NATURAL urge for his body comes he is going to try to relieve it (like peeing when your bladder is full). If he does not do it himself then his body will do it at night, through a 'wet dream'.
2. All men do it. It is nothing to feel bad about and it has nothing to do with you. you could be the hottest wife in the entire world.....when your pregnant he really did not want to bother you or the baby. But it truly has nothing to do with you at all. Guys do it all the time and you should not really be upset or dis-trust him for that....as for lying to you, that is a whole different issue. Really though do not be hurt and do not take it personally guys and sex/masturbation really are completely separate from emotions and things like that. A guy can masturbate and need to (from what it sounds like in your case) and not have any ill-feelings or discontent with his pregnant wife. Women who think guys that masturbate are cheating or not interested are just plain wrong....they do it just like women would get a manicure or a pedicure...and I truly mean that.
Hope this helps
2007-09-09 03:40:12 · answer #9 · answered by ace 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Talk to him and try to understand. He will get very frustrated whilst you are pregnant, and the time afterwards.
What have you got to forgive him for?
He has not taken his frustration to someone outside of your marriage (a lot of blokes do) and remained faithful to both you and his hands.
If he can't perform? What is he, a seal!
He is obviously in love with you, but he will need your help, understanding (not an ovation for performing) and love.
What is halfway sex?
Talk to each other, find out what each of you wants, try not to be too judgemental and we all have fantasies (and that may include porn for some).
2007-09-09 12:02:22 · answer #10 · answered by Gary L 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Why on earth can't he look at porn or masturbate? Are you that insecure? You can either accept he is a man and men do that, or you can make him totally guilt-ridden for being a man. That may even be why he can't "perform," because he feels under your scrutiny, or worse, feels like he has let you down by something he knows he cannot help. He's an adult, and he's your husband, not your property. If masturbation is part of his sex life, as it is for nearly all men, let him have a right to his own body. Don't make him miserable. In other words, don't be a control freak about his crotch, to be blunt.
2007-09-09 04:07:10 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋