Ok, it's kind of a long story so here is the short version:
I cheated on my hubby with this guy, and now I'm working in a clinic where there is a good chance I'll see him again. It was a bad break up with him when my hubby found out, my question is what should i do if he shows up as a patinet? how should i act? i don't want any problems all over again, but i don't want to quit my job. i love it. can anyone help me with some advice? also, should i tell my hubby if he does show up or that there is a chance that i will see him there? any advice would help, thanx!
2007-09-09 02:36:13 · 39 answers · asked by mireya_adame 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If I were your Ex and I needed to go to a clinic I wouldn't go to the one you were working if I had a problem about seeing you. If I had no other choice I'd just ask for someone else to care for me . If you work in health care at a clinic you really don't much say about who you get to treat. Just treat him like any other patient. Act like a professional.
2007-09-09 02:43:41 · answer #1 · answered by IveBeenThere 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The first thing I would do is examine why you cheated in the first place. By finding what was your true reason to decide to cheat, you will be able to resolve those issues and concentrate on strengthening your relationship. The fact that your hubby is willing to forgive this action and continue this relationship signifies he is in it for the long haul. Once you do this you will feel secure in your relationship. When this other person comes into your world you will be able deal with their presence. If unwanted advances are made you will be able to look this person in the eye and say what happened was a mistake and that you have no interest. I don't feel you need to tell your hubby when you see this person unless this person is a stalker. It will take time for your hubby to completely trust that this won't ever happen again. This thought will always be in the back of the mind of the one who was betrayed. Only by your devotion will this ease this fear. The same as one who was molested by a parent. When they marry the thought is in their mind that the spouse will moleste their child,until their child has grown without incident will this fear subside. This is what happens in a relationship and why it takes so long to overcome this betrayal. So concentrate your efforts on rebuilding trust issues with your spouse and everything else will work out.
2007-09-09 03:09:19 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Alerting your husband to the fact that incidental contact with this guy is possible will go a long way toward creating an atmosphere of trust for your husband in an area where trust has previously eroded. He will appreciate that. Now, if this other guy should happen to come into the clinic as a patient, confine your comments to those professionally relevant to the job, and leave it at that. There's no need to build up a big production of "what ifs" in your head because most of them will never happen, but you should have a general strategy of how you'll deal with things if he should come in...discuss these with your husband.....again, a great confidence-inspiring move on your part. Stay out of trouble. Good luck to you.
2007-09-09 02:47:18 · answer #3 · answered by Captain S 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just be very honest with your husband. Any deception will be very damaging at this point. Tell your husband that this man could possibility show up on your job. Then tell him what you would do. Promise him that if there is contact that is beyond your control that you will tell him right away.
Your affair grew in secrecy and deception. So, be willing to do whatever you can to be transparent and honest with your husband now. If he were to find out that this man did come in and you didn't tell him, it will come across as another deception.
If this man comes in, keep in strictly business. NO personal talk, no asking how he has been doing, no talking about yourself or your marriage. If possible, have someone else take care of him.
Part of rebuilding trust, is stopping contact with the other man.
Now, if you have no control over his actions, then control what you can, how you interact with him, how you handle it with your husband.
Have you made it clear to the other man that you have ended all contact and do not want to see him again? If so, then I'm sure he could find some other clinic to go to. Together with your husband, you can write him a 'no contact' letter, that is short and to the point, that you have committed yourself to your marriage and will not be contacting him anymore, and that you wish that he honor your request to do the same as you rebuild your marriage. Have your husband or a trusted third party send it so he cannot think that you will change it.
A few good support forums for those dealing with infidelity. Lots of helpful people who have been through this trauma.
http://www.lifesaviors.com/SI/
http://survivinginfidelity.com/
The survivinginfidelity site has a board for the former wayward spouse, which you might find helpful.
Resources
A few good books:
"Not Just Friends" by S. Glass
“Surviving an affair” by Dr. W. Harley
“After the Affair” by Springs
A yahoo group that has many helpful articles and links in FILES. Not a good support board, not very active. But, loads of stuff in files. Simple to join.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AffairsTalk/
A few other helpful sites:
http://www.dearpeggy.com/
http://marriagebuilders.com/
http://betrayedspouse101.tripod.com/
http://www.beyondaffairs.com/
http://peterfox.com.au/index.html
An ebook written for the wayward spouse to help them understand what they need to do to rebuild from the damage they created:
http://www.aftertheaffair.net/
2007-09-09 03:36:41 · answer #4 · answered by joyh 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you're husband took you back so that measn he loves you and wants to work on the marriage, this is good! You should tell him there's a chance that you might run into the other guy, you're being open and honest with him. If you don't want anything to do with the other guy let your husband know that it's completely over and that try to work on this together. If the guy shows up treat him like any other patient. If he starts crap, just let him know that it's over and you are just treating him like a patient since that's what he's there for. Good luck!
2007-09-09 02:46:39 · answer #5 · answered by Rox 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hi. I know something about patients/clients and doctors or other health care workers. There is a law and also some moral ethics that kind of prevent this from happening. You should check into that. Don't quit your job. If you love that person, well, as my doctor says, it's not a crime. LOL. But have some common sense. No touching the patient!!!!!! That should end the problem before it begins.
2007-09-09 02:41:18 · answer #6 · answered by *october girl* 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he comes to where you work then deal with him only if you have to and only professionally. it is work time not play time so nothing should ever be said on a personal basis. i would also tell your husband that there might be a chance he would come in as a patient and how you would deal with it and ask your hubby what he wants. does your hubby want to know if he comes in and what took place. if you expect your marriage to work there has to be communication between the two of you.
2007-09-09 02:58:55 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
first of all you gotta realise what you did was wrong, if you really love your hubby and he loves you too you better open up to him and tell him the whole story and apologise, it is a difficult thing to forget and if your hubby does you should realise how much he loves you....once you tell him the truth then there is no worries about if you will see the other guy again or not even if he shows up as a patient.....
2007-09-09 02:41:10 · answer #8 · answered by charlie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a professional working in a public setting, you have an obligation to the patient first, to the clinic, the medical profession, and society to behave professionally and fairly with all. If you remember and do that, then that's the best you can do. Review your codes of ethics. You can refer him to another individual at the clinic if you cannot maintain your professionalism or you could do your job as you do daily.
2007-09-09 02:43:37 · answer #9 · answered by Tonya R 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey if you already have proof he is cheating ("So I think my bf is cheating doing the online thing I do have proof, but he hides his "cookies" temp files that can trace what you are doing online.. ") why would you want to continue torturing yourself looking for more evidence? Just kick him to the curb noone deserves to be cheated on. I know its easier said than done because I'm sure you love him, but love yourself more. No guy is ever worth your tears.
2016-05-20 03:39:07 · answer #10 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋