I'll wait
walking through,
the depths of darkness,
all alone,
empty inside.
i continue to walk,
reminiscing-
remembering the times,
we had together.
droplets of clear, salty water,
rushed down my face,
as a picture of you,
flashed through my mind.
you're long gone,
i know that,
i understand that,
but my heart still refuses.
My mind is saying:
"Move on."
But my heart says:
"I'll wait."
going deeper into darkness,
i couldn't bear it.
I need you,
I miss you.
impossible-i know,
i hate that thought.
i'll do anything.
cut myself?-i'll do it for you.
crimson red blood,
flowed out from my wrist,
i need to be with you.
i'm sorry, i love you.
as i close my eyes,
to sleep an eternal sleep,
a bright light from above,
refused to let me go.
i woke up from my slumber,
gazed at the shining stars,
I'll wait for you,
I promise I'll do.
2007-09-09 01:52:14 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
actually this was the first one
2007-09-12 23:32:05 · update #1
Wow that's so beautiful it almost made me cry. I lost my love when I was younger, he's forever gone and I always wish that I can tell him what I wanted to say before he died. I was going to tell him but I decided to wait until we were alone, we were at a local hangout and there were too many kids. He died later that night and God I feel so ............... that was 8 years ago.
But that poem is so awesome so beautiful you're so talented keep writing.
2007-09-09 02:02:25 · answer #1 · answered by AK♥ 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Taking a beautiful sentiment and chop it into short choppy lines does not make it poetry. It simply makes it chopped up prose. Poetry must flow, it must have rhythm. Call it meter if you will, but your piece has nothing but a very beautiful message that would be better written as a short paragraph. Much easier to read and understand that way. You have a gift with words, try to make them flow to the reader's lips.
I would like to see more from you, you have a talent that needs to be helped along.
2007-09-09 09:54:55 · answer #2 · answered by Dondi 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Didn't I just answer this one? This looks like a slightly revised post...my previous comments still apply.
2007-09-12 12:42:07 · answer #3 · answered by Kevin S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, I think it is juvenile self-indulgent prose with no internal rhythm...it is NOT poetry - sorry, keep trying
2007-09-09 09:19:26 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think that is the most heartfelt and beautiful poem ever.You write with true feelings and express them well.Keep writing you are a great poet...Lots of luck .and thanks for sharing
2007-09-09 12:48:39 · answer #5 · answered by Cami lives 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋