My husband and I have been married for over 4 years and at times it feels like forever more. The reason for me feeling like that is due to many of things. 1. finances- he has total control over the money and will not even after 4 years have me put on an account with him. He can do as he pleases with it all, but forgive me if I need some money for food in the house.
2. step-kids- I have two kids from a previous marriage. Kids have needs and 400.00 a month for childsupport for both children does not cover those needs. Yet asking him for money to help out with anything, it's like pulling teeth out. Should I not be asking him for anything since they are not his??? And did I fail to mention, I'm not allowed to get a job, cause my job is to stay home cleaning and caring for kids 24-7.
3.- Last but least- he wants me to have a baby and I am in need of a hysteorectomy. What do I do ??? I am afraid of raising a third child on my own again. All he wants to do is work and stay gone.
2007-09-09 00:20:05 · 11 answers · asked by C&D M 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Have you heard the pharse"barefoot and pregnant" that's what he wants for you. To have you under complete control, with a third child, no money, and him out playing. I would be out the door and moving on down the street, so fast you would see the sidewalk melt.
2007-09-09 00:30:08 · answer #1 · answered by LIPPIE 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband has only the control you allow HIM to have. Unless you fear for your safety, which is a reason to leave now, you follow his rules because?
If you are in need of a hysterecomy, I doubt if your uterus will be able to sustain a pregnancy. However, if you are not prepared to have another child, DON"T!
Before you were married the second time, did you discuss the support of your children with him or did you assume that he would just automatically take it on? I laid it on the table right from the beginning. If your husband made no agreement with you about supporting your children, why not go back to court and request more child support? I believe 2 children is 25-28% of your ex-husbands wages.
Every relationship grows and if you do not renegotiate as it changes, you grow apart. These issues you bring up, you need to think over and decide what you are willing to accept and what you want out of your life and marriage.
As for the job thing, it is your choice, bottom line. His money - his control. That is why I work and have always worked. My money - my control.
As I stated in the beginning, he only has the amount of control that you allow him to have.
2007-09-09 09:05:02 · answer #2 · answered by peggy m 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not just you. Marriage is about sharing and doing things together. Your husband is ok with sharing the marital bed, right? He can't pick and choose what he's going to take and what he's going to leave. As for your kids, he accepted the responsibility of helping with them when he married you. You were a package deal, and once again he wants to take the good and ignore the rest.
Without knowing your husband, at best I would say that his behaviour is controlling, immature, and selfish.He has no business "allowing" you to work or not, and if he insists on you staying home, then let him at least assume his responsibilities and provide for you financially.
2007-09-09 07:32:44 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This man married you knowing that you had two children,it is his responsibility to help you raise them.You need to get a job and be more independent.You married a control freak who wanted a slave not a wife.Don't let him talk you into having a child that you are not ready for,its not fair to you or the child.I really don't know how you can live under these conditions.I really don't think that you are happy and I think that you need to take charge of your life because this man is not going to think about anyone but himself.
2007-09-09 08:59:22 · answer #4 · answered by Julius C 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get out! Your children come first. You need to make sure they are protected. Do not have another baby and get yourself taken care of in terms of your health. Plan out your future and start putting away even small amounts of money into a bank account that he knows nothing about. It is your right to have your own bank account and it is your right to have him shoulder some of the responsibilities in the house. Marriage is a partnership.
2007-09-09 08:35:51 · answer #5 · answered by tichwoli 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sorry to say it like it is - but sounds like there is something wrong with him - and hence your marriage.
this guy sounds like a real jerk who doesn't understand the vows he undertook - or maybe he just wanted to get you into bed with him.
all these type of things could be resolved by communication in a normal marriage. obviously he doesn't love you because your views and reasonable requests fall on deaf ears. loving someone isn't just screwing them - that's passion. real love starts with respect and honor of another person's feelings, mutual understanding and talking things out- nice and calmly over a glass of ice cold lemonade on the porch in the evening after you both put the kids to sleep together.
no one is a slave or servant and it seems to me that if he doesn't get help quick and change his attitude - you better move on - it's his loss and not yours.
i wish you all the best and hope it works out for the better.
2007-09-09 07:38:20 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
YES there is something wrong.It sounds like he doesn't love you as much as he wants to control you.I would not have another baby even if I were healthy.I would take my children and get out,find a job,and try to raise my children to be kind and considerate to other people.If he wants you back there would have to be major changes made.It is your life and for the sake and well being of your children YOU have to take control of it.
2007-09-09 07:35:37 · answer #7 · answered by roosmom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, there are many things wrong!
Your husband should not control all of the money. He should support all of you and to ask that you have another baby is ludicrous!
Sounds like you're very convenient for him. Get out of this situation, while you're able. It will only get worse.
2007-09-09 07:31:53 · answer #8 · answered by rustybones 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u need to be wise in this matter,, does he love u?? was this a forced marriage.. are you educdated.. ?are u happy with him?is this what you wanted in your life??this all you should take into consideration before u decide anyhting,,,?u have two options leave him or be with him.. leave him: u need to be strong enough to support yourself finacilally etc.. being with him.. is like slavery kids, house, etc.. the question is what you prefer,, whats your priority family-husband or you and your life//?? its you who has to decide and be strong enough after that.. his two previous kids are his responsiblity u can onlu give them love and take care of them.. but u need to live your own life too,,,talk to him.. that u have your needs too.. u need money for that.. and u want to work and help him by increasing the income in the house for a better life.. see if he understands,,
if no you have two choices and its you who has to make the decision.. best of luck,,
2007-09-09 07:32:05 · answer #9 · answered by sunshine 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sorry to say the truth but you've married a total a$$hole, either throw him out or leave.
2007-09-09 07:49:41 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋