Help Husband Lies?

Question

I have found out that my husband lies about some pretty big stuff. We have talked about it and I have told him I would forgive him and try to work through it but I just can help but think hes still lying. I have tryed to catch him but I have not. I want to belive he is telling the truth and not lying anymore is there anything I can do to start trusting him more after that trust has been broken? please help any advice is welcome but please dont be mean . Sorry for any bad spelling or grammar

katylew
So How do you get over when some one lies for what they though was a good reason?
My husband and I have been married for 2 year and we have a 10 month old. About 4 months ago he found out that he may have a son who is 7. He did not come and talk to me about this I had to find out from a myspace comment. I can deal with him having a kid but he has been talking to the mother behind my back and traiding what could have beens and do you still have love for me's! He claims that he never saw her because she does not want a blood test. He says he did not tell me to not put stress on our family untill he could find out if the boy was his. But I am having a hard time getting over the lies and words that were said what can I do? I do love him and if he did not cheat I think I should try to make it work any advice? THIS WAS NY QUESTION FROM LAST WEEK

Answer 1

I am in the same situation. I'm not sure the trust can be regained. I have been so deceived and hurt, that even though I want to forget it, and trust him again... I can't. Trust has to be earned, and for me, it has been since January this year, and I still am haunted with the betrayal.

I can only say this, the one that made the first mistake, the one that lied, is the one that created the problem. They must earn back the trust and the respect. Even if they are really trying, the price they must pay, as well as ourselves, is in knowing that it will take time and patience to recover from the situation, and for them to regain the respect, and trust that they once held. Like a precious gift, and they ruined it.

I usually try to be sooooo positive in answering questions here, but this time, your question touched my own heart, and I just wanted to let you know, you aren't alone. I wish I had a better answer, I wish someone could tell me the answer myself.


I hope that your ability to move forward positively, and lovingly, goes well. Good luck, I wish you grace and peace.

Answer 2

You should not be here asking us this question. Your HUSBAND should be asking you or other people what HE can do to regain your trust. You are willingly making a fool out of YOURSELF by taking responsibility for restoring the trust HE broke, so how can you blame HIM for making a fool out of you.

Either he DOES have a son, or he doesn't -- just like there is no such thing as being a little bit pregnant. And when it comes to surprise paternity from a previous relationship, there are also two kinds of men -- "Larry Birkhead", or "Eddie Murphy". Look it up in celebrities news if you don't know what I mean. If your husband's an "Eddie Murphy", it would be perfectly normal for him to not tell you right away unless the mother was pressuring him to be a part of the kid's life.

The "what could have beens and do you still have love for me's" are a separate matter. He could behave that way with ANY ex-girlfriend -- it doesn't have to be an ex-girlfriend who claims he fathered her child. Just because YOU have a child for him doesn't mean you should be so empathetic that you let him get away with walking all over you.

Answer 3

The fact that he has confessed to lying is a positive because he's not lying still, although perhaps he had nowhere to go but to confess. The fact that he lied to his wife in the first place is certainly not good and unfortunately once the seed of doubt has been sown, it is a difficult thing to go back to 'the way things were'. The doubt is there and although you may be able to forgive him and work through the issues, because he has lied to you and been caught out, you are likely to always wonder what is really going on. I wish you luck.

Answer 4

Turn the tables on him... You start lying about stuff and let him worry about what your up to. People tell lies to hide stuff or protect some one... ( normally themselves )

Read you additional info.That's a really hard one . But as I said above People tell lies to hide stuff or protect some one... ( normally themselves ) . This is something you 3 need to sit down and sort out. There is a two children here that ( like it or not ) are half brothers/sister. Do they get to know that..??? Do you all become amicable or stay at war with suspicion and dis trust. Its out in the open now. So although your hurt ( and understandable ) some one has to be the adult here. Take the high ground and sort this out with all 3 of you. Good luck !!

Answer 5

I am having a problem with my husband lying, what I did realize out of it is that, he lied so I wouldn't get mad because he didn't want to ruin what we have, because he loves me that much. That is the main reason men lie, they don't want to ruin the relationship they have. Now with respect to cheating, ALL bets are OFF and it wouldn't matter the reasons for lying but if its something you can work with, keep trying to fix the relationship....That's what Iam doing. I know, it sucks they don't realize that when they lie it causes a snow ball effect and you start questioning everything, let him know how you feel, it will probably shock him

Answer 6

I'm in a similar situation myself, my partner has been lying to me I fear the relationship is over as I now question everything he says, and the whole relationship feels like a sham i want to trust him but I feel because i have forgiven him once it opens the door for him to do it again. My advice is to give it time try to make it work but at the end of the day trust is everything

Answer 7

Im not sure what lies youre referring to, and I understand perfectly well why you wouldnt scream them to the world, but its a little difficult to measure the damage, so to say. I do not have advice for you, but rather experience. My friend's father made some very, very serious lies. It ruined lives. He made those lies years ago, and while the family pretends it okay, they still dont trust a word he says and probably never will. Repairing a broken trust bond is extremely difficult, and for good reason.

Answer 8

Yup. You need to keep checking up on him. Don't let him make this YOUR issue. He may say that you don't trust him, etc, but don't buy it...its just a diversionary tactic. If you truly want to make this relationship work, then you need to help him by making him accountable...in a few years (yes, years) or so he will earn your trust again. Accountability is one of the tenets taught by substance abuse programs...if your husband seems to have a chronic problem with lying, cheating, etc, then this may be the one thing that helps him snap out of a destructive pattern. Don't be afraid to confront him...and keep confronting him...he's the one who needs to do some answering.

Answer 9

well what does he lie about. If he lies by saying well honey they did not have any lemons at the grocery store, when in fact that they really did, it was just that he forgot. Or is he banging a co-worker and lying about that. I mean to what degree are is lies. Everyone tells a little whit lie every once in a while....But if he is lying about some serious things then perhaps it is time to move on. trust and communication is key in a marriage...

Answer 10

baby the point is the trust is gone and when its gone its gone .the thought of all the crap you will both have to go through if you split is the only thing in the way . i think you know the answer to your question in your heart . ive been thruogh that crap and its a rollercoaster you cant get off and there are no refunds. talk to him face to face let him know what he will loose. because men dont look too far, they cant see what they have got and what they wont if thay go down that path, and i know cos im a man an ive made those mistakes. good luck