I am ashamed of my past?

Question

how can i stop being so ashamed of things I've been through in my past? these are things like abuse, rape, depression, never having a lot of friends... I just don't know how to tell the new people in my life about this? I know they wonder about me and my past.... and a part of me wants to tell them but I'm so embarassed...

Answer 1

Beautiful,
You don't owe anyone your story unless you are sure you can trust that person and that you'll get support. A professional therapist would help you to put it to rest. Some people do not understand that such disclosure is private and meant to be kept between you.
I would not share such things with a group, no matter how much they questioned.
Please forgive yourself. And if you can, forgive those that contributed to your suffering. You did the best you could do.
Be proud that you are still here and still open to love and friendship. Nothing to be ashamed of. Hugs for you. C. :)!!

Answer 2

You are the product of your past and that past is what has helped to make you into the person that you have become.If you like who you are NOW then just accept these things that can not be changed and live your life in new ways that will lead you into a more pleasant future.If you are unhappy with the person that you are now,,,then make the changes necessary to cause you to become the person that you want to be. Stop thinking about all of those things that can never be changed. Concentrate your time,energy,and thoughts on acquiring the position in life that you now only WISH were yours. Make it happen. You really can change your life. Do not lie about the past,just stop talking about it. Talk about those things that make you feel happy. You are the only person that can make your reality into what YOU want it to be.What YOU think is far more important than what THEY may think.

Answer 3

Being abused, raped, depressed etc are not things to be ashamed of. They're not your fault. I understand that they're very personal and painful, but don't be ashamed!
I have no idea how you should initiate telling people any of it, I can't even tell people basic non-personal stuff about myself.
But if they ask you about your past, try to see it as an opportunity to just tell them and be honest, don't automatically clam up (if that's what you'd normally do).

Answer 4

I know what you mean....I've been there. You need to talk to a therapist just to get everything out. You do not have to tell anyone about it. If you want to tell someone about it, be careful who you tell, because people can sure use this information to hurt your feelings if you have a falling out or they are just gossips. Just make sure it's someone you can trust. You can tell people about your past without telling them about the abuse that you have suffered. If you do mention the abuse, you don't have to tell them the details. Just tell them that you are not comfortable talking about it and if they respect and care about you then they will back off and not push you. Lastly, you have NOTHING to be embarrassed about. This is why so many people get away with molesting children for so long, because of the SHAME and EMBARRASSMENT that the VICTIM feels. YOU WERE and ARE AN INNOCENT VICTIM. I hope this helps. God bless.

Answer 5

have you tried prayer? i dont know if your a christian or not but prayer and healing is a very real thing. and as for being ashamed about what another person has done to you dont be. those things happen to plenty of people and you'd be surprized at how many people will be understanding and supportive and open minded to you. it sounds like you need to find just one good friend and let it all out to them first then work on telling everyone you get close to and dont feel like anythimg that happened to you is your fault its not. if you cant find a friend to talk to you can always talk to jesus. ps it really helps!

Answer 6

Everyone has given you great pieces of advice here. You are a survivor and probably a lot stronger than what you give yourself credit for! There is a quote that says "The earth has no pain that heaven cannot heal." I have learned in my life and I have heard though the stories of many others, a meaningful relationship with Christ changes everything. If you open your heart and allow him in there is no wound God's love can't heal. Pray. And if you ever feel as though you can't pray on your own ask someone else to pray with you and for you. Take Care!

Answer 7

I am sorry, things such as that, has happen to you. but Please,
Do not tell them. it is not any of their business. things that are in your past are, things that cannot be changed. so think about now, and your future. do not dwell on the past.

I am sorry, you have had things, such as that happen to you. but I do not see any reason, to bring this up, to tell others. and please do not feel ashamed. the things that has has happen to you, was not your fault. so let the old, thoughts die. forget them.

everyone has some bad things happen, to them in their past. they may not be as bad as yours. but that is no reason to tell others about them. that would be something personal. and I am sure they would understand, if you kept it to yourself.

I can see if you told other. they may not understand. and may act badly toward you. I am not saying all will but this way. I know there are always a few people that. make things seem worse than they really are. and will spread the news to everyone else.

I am not just saying this. I have seen something similar happen to a girl in my class. Believe me, you do not want others to know about things like this. the news will get around.
Believe me, some people, can be very cruel. for they find it funny to torment someone about things such as this. I have seen it happen. it got so bad' for this girl, she had to move to another town.

remember also, even if you tell a close friends. the friends sometimes tell their other friends. which tell their friends and so on.

if someone wants to know more about you. tell them, but do not tell them the bad things, that has happen. I know it may be hard, but try and put all of the bad memories behind you.

I wish, I could tell you more. but I am telling you what, I have seen happen, in my school. so please do not take the chance, if there is no reason to.

But' you have, done nothing to be ashamed of. remember that. what happen was not your fault.

Answer 8

ok, first off, you have no reason to be ashamed of things that happened to you that you couldn't control. i understand that it hurts and it's hard to open up to people that don't know what you have been through, just make sure that you know these people and can really trust them before you open up to them. you have to move on with your life and put the past where it belongs, work to make new memories, happy ones, with new people, that you love and trust. if they are real friends, then when you do explain your past, they will be understanding and loving no matter what, thats what real friends do. don't be embarrassed about this, many people undergo horrible things in their past, you can't let it consume you though. and if your friends are mature and actual friends, then open up, get it all out, that will probably help you get past it. you will be getting it off your chest, and deepening your friendships at the same time. and remember, prayer works, pray to god to help to get you past these feelings, and to keep them from oppressing you any more. he listens and loves you, and with him , anything is possible.god bless.

Answer 9

First,what happened to you has happened millions of others.You are not unique.
Second you need to understand that it is not your fault.Bad things happen to good people.No one deserves to have happen to them what happened to you.NO ONE.
This my sound as a contradiction but here goes.
You need to stop being a victim.
I don't mean that as if to say,take responsibility for what happened.I mean realize that it is something that happened in your life.You live to tell the tale.There is more to you than the abuse and getting raped.You've probably fallen down at sometime in your life.Do you let that fall you took,maybe as a child,dominate your life now?
Forgive.For your sake.Forgive so you can move on.
I found out diamonds are little piece if coal that have withstood millions of years of pressure.
It's time to shine!

Answer 10

yes, first of all, i would suggest seeing a therapist weekly or every other week. just someone to talk to and someone who gives you some good advice.

you HAVE TO know that things like rape and abuse are NOT your fault. you aren't the bad one in those situations, and you have nothing to be ashamed of.

you can join groups of people who have been through the same things you have, as well. google some near your area. i'm sure you know you aren't the only one who has suffered from these things, but you almost hafta prove it to yourself. like, here are some women who know what i have been through, and understand me.