I need to find a way not to let this disaster get the better of me what to do?

Question

I ask my husband if he would like to watch me have sex.
He said only if you'd watch me have sex with a woman 1st.

He did and It was the worst I can't stand myself for even asking him to have sex with another woman!

My husband said I was the one who brought it up and that he felt the same way when I asked him to try it.
I need to get past this , because I'm not throughing almost 12 years away but don't you think he should have said NO?

I asked him this and he said if he did i would have cheated on him and our marriage would be over anyway so through a hell marry and see what happens.

I'm not interseted in cheating or even sex right now but my husband said if I want to have sex with another man "TOO BAD" he'll divorce me and take it all.

He's pissed at me for even bringing this up and I'm pissed that I set the event up in hopes to get my own.

Does anyone other then me think that to much spice can ruin the marriage?

Answer 1

No, you tried spice that didn't sit well with you. There are other things you can do to spice up your sex lives. I don't buy it that he did this because you would have cheated. He did it because it was his fantasy as well. You have to let go of being pissed about any of it or you will be throwing away your 12 year marriage. Stop making this a confrontational thing with your husband. If you bring it up again do so to make fun of the act. You know tee hee, can you believe we were crazy enough to try that. hahaha
Like I said, there are a lot of ways to spice up sex. Give another avenue a shot.

Answer 2

First, he can't "divorce you and take it all" because you both agreed to do this. Now he did his and you got what you asked for. You are now not interested in making him feel like you do, good. Then don't have sex with another man. As for what has already happened, "Build a Bridge and Get Over It!!!" It will take some time but first ask you husband to forgive you for even suggesting this. You have learned you lesson about an open marriage and that you are not interested in this any more. There are many things you can do to spice up your sex life WITHOUT having another person in bed with you. And the next time you are curious about having sex with another man, just find a boyfriend and don't tell the husband. You might just find out that the grass doesn't "taste" any better on the other side of the fence.

Answer 3

When the spicing up includes other people, that's too much. My ex-husband and I had a great marriage and 3 kids. We talked about spicing things up too. We had an understanding that we would never do anything without the other present. Well, I had the understanding...he didn't. Too much spice turned into affairs for him and he left me for one of the affairs. I'm much better off, but it definitely got out of hand. I hate to say it, but you never should have brought it up. Unfortunately, your marriage will never be the same. However, hindsight being 20/20, I can see now that the reasons we needed the spice was because we had underlying problems in our marriage that we didn't work on, and instead we added more fuel to the fire, and it exploded on us. It can happen. Some couples (so I've heard) can handle it, some can't. We are both remarried now and it will be a cold day in you-know-where before I EVER agree to something like that again. Nope, I learned my lesson the hard way. Be careful what you ask for, you just might get it.

Answer 4

Did you ever see that movie INDECENT PROPOSAL that is what you pretty much set up for yourself. If you didn't see this movie, I would check it out. Some of the plot line doesn't apply to your situation but alot does. What came over you to offer your husband the opportunity to have sex with another woman while you watched. And your right he should have said no because the relationship is very damaged he has committed adultery right in front of your eyes. You should have known he would have a double standard, there is no way in he-- a man is going to watch while his wife has sex with another man. His male pride, ego and basic manhood would be destroyed. No man wants to think another man can satisfy his wife sexually. You helped put yourself in this situation, but your husband should really be ashamed to have actually had sex with this woman right in front of you and think you two would be OK once it was done. I don't know what you can do to save your marriage after something like this. Has he even told you he would never do something like that again? Or is he to interested in threatening to divorce you if you have sex with some one else? The two of you need to sit and have a serious talk about this.

Answer 5

One question - WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!!?
Why the hell would any couple think that having sex with someone else was going to improve their sex life? Doesn't the amount of divorces because of other people outside of marriage give you a clue? Far better would be for you two (and you two ALONE) to have worked on spicing things up between you.
That husband of yours is a selfish bastard and you are a fool. So he wanted his turn, but you can't have yours. For him to say that HE can/would have sex with someone else, you could watch, BUT if you ever did it the marriage would be over. Guess what - ITS OVER!!! Talk about the double standard!

It seems that there isn't a whole lot to hold onto here, perhaps its time to say "Let it go."

Answer 6

Why get married if you are not going to stay within the accepted boundaries. Fantasies are usually discussed bewtween married couples this is how we learn about what is acceptable and what isn't to our partners. Acting out on fantacies will always carry risks even if it is between only the couple themselves.
Your husband called your bluff and now you both have lost part of the essence of your relationship. For him he remembers you saying "you are not enough I want to try someone else" and he took control of the situation by saying only if he did it first. Your memory is now of him having sex with another woman.
Both of you have failed your marriage for your own petulant reasons. Find a relationship counsellor as it is my assessment that there were other problems in the marriage that were and still are being ignored.
Counselling.

Answer 7

It depends on the spice, dear Hobie. Not everyone loves chili peppers. The thing is, if you're not satisfied with what you have, what makes you think anyone else will be better? If you want to add spice to your marriage, buy a French maids costume, dab on some great perfume, put on the satin sheets, light the candles, and let nature take its course. What you and your man do together is your business, no one else's, so don't bring someone else into the mix. It's always a disaster. And it's not too late to fix this mess. Talk to hubby and let him know that you love him. Tell him what you want. But don't tell him you want to share him with another woman. Spice is nice....nicer if it's between you and him...ONLY. <*)))><

Answer 8

First thing in 12 years you may have got bored doing the same thing which might have created such thing in your mind , this is natural. But, you should have been aware of the consequences that each one may face.
I think after the husband given you the approval should have been ready to see the same. But, has refused. So, he has enjoyed what he wanted and has betrayed you.
I think, you should make your husband feel sorry & talk to him.

And mistakes can be done once, but willful mistakes are disasters.

Answer 9

You and him spiced things up in the wrong way. Blaming each other is not going to solve the problem. You were both responsible for your actions and need to take responsibility for that. Learn from this and never allow something like this to happen again.

Answer 10

your husband got away with cheating and literally infront of your face! You give women a bad name for making us look stupid. There's nothing wrong with what you asked him because you were willing to let him do the same but you let him go first! Now he's being a baby and saying "this is how i felt" after he done it. if he felt so badly he would have said something rather than agreed to a deal he intended to break. your husband is an a**hole and you're an idiot for not playing it smart. my advice, divorce him on the grounds of cheating and deceiving you and take everything!
inspite of you bringing it up, he didnt have to agree with it