How many housewives stay in a bad marriage because they can't financially support themselves?

Question

Or your kids? I’m kind of in that situation, and so is my friend, hers is worse than mine but it’s the same, we can’t break free because our husbands are the bread winners. Mine makes me stay home, my friend chose to stay home and now regrets it.

I have some family members who are the same way, my sisters husband as a “wondering eye” and my other sister did finally leave her hubby (after 16 yrs) and now she and her son are stuck at my mom’s house with no real way to get afloat.

I was wondering How many other’s are there? Are you a housewife and stay in a bad relationship because of finances? How many others do you think there are?

If you want to remain anonymous just say how many people you know like that. ( 1 or 3 )

Answer 1

If you want to check worldwide you'd really find a gold mine, haha...

The truth is that many women feel that way. It is a societal problem....women have been oppressed for a very long time. However, if you look at the big picture, that has been a main factor in marriages staying together. You can also look at how divorce rates soar where the women are able to support themselves. I wonder if this is because they have a way out? I've been divorced -- and then remarried. I'll tell you what, it's the same thing as the first time around. I'm in therapy now and I've realized that if I did that the first time things would have been different. Those issues don't go away with finding a new partner. I do think that there is a definite element where women put up with more crap at times..it's just the way it is. I will say tho that with the therapy my husband has learned to be more fair about things. I do have two kids, one with a severe disability...without him I would be probably homeless. So making things work is more serious for me than him...yes, that changes the dynamic.

So where do you go from here? I would say you should get into therapy, if not just for yourself...it really helps. Maybe you could ask your husband to go...angle it however you can to get him to go. Try and work on things...you might find you can make it a more livable situation. That is the best you could hope for, really. There is no such thing as a perfect mate....men are very difficult to understand...but there are ways you can learn to relate to them better. If you did that and learned to change your approach -- learned to deal with your emotions away from him -- he might respond to you differently. Just condemning things and not trying therapy will lead to a lonely road ahead. You can learn to be an independent woman, get your boundaries straight, without getting a divorce. You can put up a pretty good fight right where you are...and chances are if you get the right kind of direction he will respond to you positively! good luck...

Answer 2

You can get out. The time you are spending online now you can be using to get an education. You can go to school online. He doesn't have to know.

Why don't you and your friend or your sister run away together? Why don't you all get together and make a plan?

I'm in a good relationship...with bad finances...and I do stay at home and go to school because at this point it would likely cost us more money if I worked.

I know a few women who are in that situation. I can see where you all are coming from, but I feel stupid when I try to help because they always go back. I guess comfort is more important than happiness to some. What I mean is some people grew up in abusive situations and just end up feeling more comfortable living in an abusive relationships. I know you don't want your kids to live the same life...

Answer 3

I dont' know how many there are, but I have a feeling that there are a lot. I was one that got out. I'll never regret it. Yah, I had everything I wanted and a huge house, but it was lonely and I didn't love him anymore. We had our reasons for splitting, but I stayed for years because I didn't have any of my own money. I worked and it all went to him too. You'd think if I had a job it would be easier. Comes down to that I had to borrow money for a moving truck just to get out and moved in with my parents until I got enough to move in my own place after a year. Things are still tight, but I am happier than ever. I would do it all again...........Believe in yourself and live your life the way you want it. Don't wait to long, another minute has gone by.

Answer 4

There are millions of such wives who are stuck in that kind of situation and a way out isn't that easy either.First and foremost is the economic independence,which would need education and skills.You have to plan and go about it in a logical manner and without causing suspicion in the minds of people who can derail the process.If you are determined you can do it like many others but be prepared for a long and tough haul.Good luck.

Answer 5

Most all of them.

It might take a year or so, but start to 'stash the cash'. Buy cheaper cuts of meat, go to Aldi's or Sav-A-Lot instead of the expensive food stores, don't hit the malls... save up all the cash you can under the 'controlling husband's rule'

In the meantime, research all the divorce lawyers in town. Go sit in court if you have to,,, see which ones 'get it done'.

I got screwed because I procrastinated and 'thought we would work it out' , while he got the best guy and I only was able to get the 2nd best guy.

Good luck.

Answer 6

wow great question! i guess i could feel that way but my husband does nothing but encourage me to progress myself.
if it wasn't for him i wouldn't be going to school. otherwise, i would just settle with myself and stay @ home... no question! and then i would be in such a situation....
( don't get me wrong, staying at home is one of the most amazing things you can do for your children and family and incredibly fulfilling)
i suppose i can understand. but you aren't permanently in this situation. if you do something for yourself no one will ever make you feel like you have to do anything. and if you do something for yourself... there is no stopping you. and for your kids, they will only benefit from your gain.

it sounds like Everest to conquer... but all you have to do is look at the first step.... and then the next!

when you feel good with yourself... you can deal with the problems in your marriage better!

tallolahh or whatever you name is f#$% you!

Answer 7

I shall say "HUSBANDS" are no longer bread winners!!!!!!
we wives do all the work cook food, keep house clean etc...
can you imagine, i we woman were not around? the house would be a mess, no laundry done, dishes etc.... mind you though, some house wives do like their sports also.. p.s. DON'T GIVE UP.

Answer 8

Will you always choose to be a looser, or will you get off your lard *** and gain some self respect?