How do you handle the pain when a loved one is hurting you emotionally?

Question

leaving is an option
staying is an option
death is an option
I rather have an option that will help not hinder me.
Do you have experience in or with a person who's in recovery? Do you have honest advice you can give me?
Friends, an understanding ear and good advice is what I'm asking for....thanks

I really need advice from someone that is or has experience this and recovery.
You might understand what this feeling is I'm going through..
and no, not his death

I'm in Al-Anon
been going for a year
I know what to do for me, and what not to do to me, but I wanted to see if there were others out there like me who could understand

Answer 1

Absent the fact that you do not allow for contact (I wish you did), you can't possibly know how some of us (me) looks forward to hearing from you through this forum. For a time now I have sensed that you are dealing with a specific issue and apparently you have now made that issue known. First, let me say to you that death is NEVER an option. Not having known the exact frustration with which you deal, but having been subjected to emotional abuse in a previous relationship, I can say that which you know to be true, the pain was intense. It broke my heart when this person packed up and left, but looking back I can see that she did me the biggest favor of my life for through it she enabled me to put my life back together and take back the control which I had given to her. Your question to which I am responding gives explanation to your previous question regarding "Spiritual Travail," literally "Spiritual Work." Regarding that, I would only say that you can wrestle with God all day and all night, but absent a miracle, you will only be tired from wrestling. The person in whom you want to see change is not the person you can change. You can stay and be understanding and supportive and continue to hurt, or you can leave and establish a life in which YOU decide how you're going to feel emotionally. I am not advising the dissolution of your marriage, but perhaps your leaving could be a good medicine for all involved that may produce some very positive results which actually could have an effect upon the changes needed. God tells us that He will not give us a load which we can not bear, but He doesn't say the load won't be painful. My heart hurts for you and my prayer is that you can look back upon this episode in another year with complete resolve. In closing, I will tell you that there are good things in store for you that you can't presently see because of the emotional fog and we all know what happens to fog when the sunlilght hits it! ...and hook up that email thing. (spell check wasn't working, so please forgive misspellings).

Answer 2

you're interior the mind-blowing place mentally to pass onto the subsequent degree to woo your spouse :o) Nows the section the place you're taking action! tell her you're very extreme approximately having a loving and affectionate marriage. tell her you decide on the two considered one of you to hitch with a counselor and paintings by way of each and every of the stuff that has exceeded off. Now start up treating her affectionately. tell her you like her in lots of circumstances, tell her she seems so appealing. tell her which you think of her quirky habit is so cute while she does it. Stroke her hair, her back, run your palms over her hands softly for the period of a action picture. it extremely is the small issues that all and sundry upload up and prepare her throughout the time of the day how plenty you somewhat do savor her. Take her out to super dinner, then dancing! (in case you may dance along with your well being concern). pass do exciting stuff, pass fly a kite mutually, get ice cream mutually as a take care of and so on. you spot the place i'm going with this.

Answer 3

I've had my bout with recovery many years ago. I suffered from very low self esteem, I grew up thinking my Dad hated me, (luckily later I learned that wasn't true) and even at 48, my Dad and I are working through the last few things from the past. The worst part of mental/emotional abuse is that it never goes away, it effects every part of you. It took me til I was in my thirties, before I realized I'd had enough, wasn't going to take any more, from him or anyone else. My self esteem improved 1000 times. Anytime you have dealt with that kind of treatment for any length of time, it causes you to question yourself continuely. You have to care about yourself before anyone else emotionally, or I believe it makes it hard to have the strength to help anyone else. It's a continuous battle. Surround yourself with support, not people that will carry you, but will provide you support to get through the hard times you face. I feel like I've come a million miles to get away from my demons. You can do it, you must believe that. Good Luck and God Bless

Answer 4

separation, for awhile will probably do the trick, my husband would mentally abuse me, we would fight alot about little things. I left him for 2 weeks and went to my parents for christmas, because he had gotten so angry over something and threw our tree out the door, he had also been drinking! i then told my parents that i couldn't be here with him anymore, so they bought me a plane ticket to go back home. my husband then regreted everything he did because i left him alone on Christmas and took our son. when he left to Iraq he noticed alot of things he had done, since they have alot of time to think over there, he now tells me he doesn't want to live that way, he wants to make a better life, he wants to stop the drinking, he wants to stop the hurting....i wanna believe him, but if he were to lay a hand on me, i would leave him at the drop of a dime..i have gotten the chance to rekindle my love for him since he's been gone, i really miss his touch and realized that i too have to be strong and work with him, and not remember the negative, even though the scars are going to be there, they will slowly disappear i believe!

Answer 5

It always takes two to tango as they say. So why don't you both see a trusted doctor. If your life is that tense you may want to get something for anxiety.

Once you both calm down you may begin to see your way through it. I'm sure we are all sorry to see you go through it.

Take Care and Say a Prayer

(a long one)

Answer 6

Its very hard. Be patient with them. If they are in recovery, then it sounds like they are taking steps to get better. If you love them, you just have to be there and give it your all. I know that sometimes that feels like we are losing ourselves and sanity by committing so much of oursleves to something like this but its worth it in the end just knowing you were there for someone that needed you.

Answer 7

ALANON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For the people who love recovering addicts, it is necessary. It is free. The people you meet are going through the same types of situations. You have nothing to lose but your relationship or your sanity! And if you are not part of the recovery, you are part of the addiction. Do it for you, do it for him, but do it!!!!!!
http://www.al-anonfamilygroups.org/meetings/meeting.html

You are not alone!!!!! I hurt for you, hope for you and pray for you. And for your partner.

Answer 8

A friend of mine once said, "It doesn't hurt enough. When it hurts enough you will know what to do."

Answer 9

His death or yours? Not yours I hope but his would finalize the whole situation.

Answer 10

Sorry, I can be no help on this one.