My history for being in trouble is legendary with any one who knows me. I got pregnant my senior year in high school and was due during my graduation... I got married as soon as I turned 18 to a illegal immigrant who hates America. Now I am over $30,000 dollars worth of debt from a company on my name.
I can't seem to keep my husband sober and my two children are sometimes more than I can handle. Every day I wake up and it is the same story or getting worse. I have been held back from getting my education to become a nurse by my husband who continues to say he will take care of everything, while all my bills are snowballing to gross proportions.
I don't even have a drivers license yet, because Hubby always has an excuse not to take me. I am going to be 21 next month and I feel like my life has hit its end. It is to the point where I don't even know where to start on getting my life back on track. Does anyone have some advice???
2007-09-07 16:54:14 · 21 answers · asked by marymouse26 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Untill now I have managed to do everything I needed to do and now it is like I don't have the will I once had.
2007-09-07 17:00:43 · update #1
As for the family, they where all CUT OFF by well my husband.
And no he is not illegal anymore
2007-09-07 17:05:08 · update #2
No you misunderstand me, I do not want you to hate my husband. Because I LOVE HIM. He does hate America and his home country. He finds the Worst in EVERYTHING! It actually is the point of some of our arguments. And no I am not a princess either being carved up by sadam but I just need something to start with.... I NEED TO FIX THIS. I have never been this confused. On one side I love my husband, but on the other he causes me SO many problems... my entire family hates him with a passion, because of the way he treats them.
2007-09-07 17:09:29 · update #3
Ps. The bills are from Hospitals from having kids uninsured, the state refused to caver me due to his legal pending status at the time, and from my business State Workers Insurance
Don't worry I won't be having any more kids. I know I am in a bad spot.
2007-09-07 17:18:48 · update #4
I have advice for you! Get rid of the anchor that you call a husband, file for bankruptcy, go get a drivers license and go make your own life.
Instead of waiting for your husband to fix everything, go fix it yourself!
2007-09-07 16:59:43 · answer #1 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are having your first adult realisation that your life is spiralling out of control and you don't like it and don't want it. So, you need to look at what you can change and what you can not. Check out your local Community Centre for financial advise as to how you can get your finances back on track. You make arrangements for yourself to get your driving licence. It is not your job to keep your hubby sober it is his while you do the worrying and work he does not have to. Suggest he go to AA clean his act up so he can help you with looking after the family. If he is an illegal immigrant then I gather he can not be employed and therefore no pay cheque?
If you get organised so that you can go back and get your qualifications to become a Nurse what can or will he do?
Welcome to the adult world of facing the consequences of past actions and decisions that now intereferes with your life aims and goals.
Go and speak with a Campus Cousellor with regards to your options of doing courses that will fit in with your schedule.
Your husband is selfish, lazy and miserable and that is how he wants you to be also. This then allows him to have proof that America is a hatefull place and even you can not be successfull there. At a rough guess I would say he is suffering from depression and is self-medicating with alcohol. If this is true then it can only get worse if he does not make changes now. Whatever your feelings are for him you still must look after your needs as well as your children's as he is not showing he has the capacity to do so.
Very sad situation not unlike my first marriage many years ago.
Good luck with making the big decisions that need to be made for you and your children's future.
2007-09-08 00:22:18 · answer #2 · answered by sag_kat2chat 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you no longer love your husband you could take your children and move home with your parents. If your parents are not lovingly involved in your life, bond with an adult that you can trust. preferably one old enough to have some stability in their lives, maybe an older couple looking for a surrogate daughter. Find child care paid for by your state social service system. Find work as a cna that will sponsor you to become a nurse if you promse to stay in their employ.
Your husband has a larger problem than immigration, he is a controlling person, and rarely do those people change.
If you are not in a position to meet a decent person to help you, join a church of your choosing to make more friends who have made good choices.
Now is a great time to be an example to your children.
2007-09-08 00:10:04 · answer #3 · answered by gerlawgoody1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You see your pattern. Fix it. You make choices all that time that enable him to maintain control. You don't get a license because he doesn't take you. You blame him. Just take the car and go get your license.
File for a divorce, file for bankruptcy. Go to school. Your life is a long way from hitting its end. You have two children that need you and your love. Stay out of relationships for a while. Prove to yourself that you can take life on by yourself. When you do meet someone later you'll never feel dependent again.
If he has options to leave the country, keep the kids out of his hands until the court orders visitations.
2007-09-08 00:03:29 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are OKAY! You're NOT the only young lady who failed themselves and you won't be the last. You should declare your independence from him (not necessarily divorce) but stop depending on him to help you. It's up to you to get a drivers license, fix your life, etc. Get a source of income (like a job) then go get what you want! If he does NOT like America why did he marry an American and can't he go back where he came from? No offense but I LOVE AMERICA..it's the greatest country in the world. Its not perfect but far better than some other countries. Honor him but BE YOUR OWN BOSS--YOU'LL TURN ADULT next month. Be an adult so your children won't suffer, too. God go with you!!!
2007-09-08 00:13:23 · answer #5 · answered by Da B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have experienced more in 21 years than most do at 50!
Is hubby working? Have you applied for citizenship as you are married with children? Can you take a few dollars and ask a friend or relative to take you for your license?
Cancel the credit card! Do not allow any more purchases under your name. Use birth control and do not become pregnant again! If he won't use it, don't have sex.
Obviously he is not "taking care of everything" so you must take charge. Check with the school for tuition help. Check with friends and neighbors for babysitting help. Tell hubby to shape up or ship out- and give him a date to do so. If he doesn't comply, call the police to have him removed.
Life is not a dress rehearsal! You have one shot at this life and need to do it to the best of your ability! Your babies will look to you for their guidance- is this how you want them to live!?
2007-09-08 00:08:49 · answer #6 · answered by dizzkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You certainly did get off to a rocky start, didn't you? Two kids, omg, what were you thinking? Yes, this is an adult crisis that I hope you are mature enough to deal with. You'll have to first get your driver's license, can't a friend take you? Then find a job and start paying off those bills. No matter what your "husband" says, do what you need to do. Then you'll have to save some money in order to support your two kids by yourself. Divorce the lousy husband and concentrate on getting you and your kids settled and supported, fed and clothed, and money in savings. Leave the social life for the future, far future. You'll have your hands full and your kids need to come first.
2007-09-08 00:05:59 · answer #7 · answered by gma 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, your life hasn't hit its end.
It has hit the end of its beginning. Time go grow up, albeit you've gotten to the party late.
Getting your life back on track? For now just pick something and go with it - getting your license for example. The success will build your confidence.
Boot the drunken illegal alien husband but only at the point when you know how you are going to support the kids.
2007-09-08 00:08:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not your husbands responsibility to get your bills payed it's yours. Get a job try to get a student loan and go to classes online for nursing or a career center. Talk to a debt center about your debt. Find some other way to get your license. Ant leave your husband. I got pregnant my freshman year of high school and was able to do everything I needed to because my life and my child's life is my responsibility. Talk to family services about ways to get a job, education, and license to make a life for you and your kids. You can do it so don't let that dead weight keep you from accomplishing anything. If you need someone to talk to you can e-mail me.
2007-09-08 00:39:12 · answer #9 · answered by Mark and Allie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think I would seriously think about getting rid of hubby... he sounds like a huge part of the problem....if he is still a illegal then you can always have him deported. I would seriously also consider filing bankruptcy. If you were ever going to do that to get a fresh start you should do it early in life....it is easily overlooked that way and you actually have an excellent reson to do so.
I know that these seem drastic but it may actually be the best thing for you to do to get your life in order.
2007-09-08 00:07:51 · answer #10 · answered by Sigmonds smarter brother 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh my God! Your story was my life once and after a lifetime of a husband who is not from this country and two children later and now I am single and 35 and now starting my own business. My advice to you is get the hell out of what you are into and go to school now. your children need you girl and you are what they can count on you are the sober one. If you want to talk more you can email me at twinki78@yahoo.com I have much advice for you, My immigrant beat me for 8 years and it took everything that I had to get out and start over. get ahold of me ok and we can talk.
2007-09-08 00:09:07 · answer #11 · answered by LISSA 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋