There is a woman working in the same office I work with. She keeps criticizing me in my face. Especially my clothes. I have a nice body and I like wearing colorful dresses, and tops. She claims that it is too young for me, or, that my tighter clothes are "too small - get a bigger size" remarks.
I think she is insane so I ignore her, or just say "thank you for the input, I actually think I look good in this dress" and then ignore her.
I feel very comfortable with my clothes but this woman annoys me. Any idea what to say to neutralize her comments?
2007-09-07 16:21:38 · 13 answers · asked by Michelle 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Criticism that is not requested is not criticism . . .it is an attack. It is unhealthy not to effectively, powerfully address attacks. Women especially have problems with attacks. Do not respond with diffused passive, defensive behaviors. This is not about YOU. If a dog ran up to you every day in the parking lot and nipped at your ankles, you wouldn't go home doubting the taste in your shoes, would you? Learn to stop attacks in the bud with stern, utter bluntness and clear statements. In this situation, lower your voice and tell her, "What I wear is none of your business. If you mention this again, we'll discuss it with our supervisor. Understand?" That works rather well. Also, call around (police departments usually have a few numbers) about an assertiveness training course for women. Those skills are what help women get to the board room.
2007-09-07 16:59:42 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to inform you Michelle but you are annoying her too, with your skimpy clothes, and 'colorful' attire.
There is nothing wrong with what you are wearing, its a free nation (to a point).
You are only offending her personal taste really.
Lets put this same criticism on her, for this example...
You don't like what she wears. So you are so annoyed, that you have present your dislike to her face.
What bravery but yet what distaste.
So to cure your distaste, basically tell yourself, you know what, I wear what I wear because its my body, and she can wear what she wants. Then you seem to be fine with her attire, and except her for who she is, and not what she wears.
But since your not the one giving criticism this example won't help you much at all, other then giving you a insight into the mind of your conflictor.
So, tell her these things. Tell her and confront her yourself. If your Friends, this will be no problem, if your working in a open work place with out really seeing her often, then it will be hard to confront her with your annoyance, as she confronted you.
You don't want to go to HR. She will just deny, saying " I just stated my opinion no harm no foul."
Do it yourself, or this woman will never talk to you again (I guess that's good if you want that---- but to me enemies are never a good thing to have-what goes around comes around).
2007-09-07 23:50:03 · answer #2 · answered by Juefawn™ 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
She is jealous, plain and simple. Each time you dignify her with a response you are giving her power. Don't get in a power struggle with her! Simply smile at her. Once she realizes that her comments have no impact, she will probably stop saying things like that.
Be advised though that jealousy like hers may manifest itself in other areas. If she persists in harassing you then tell a boss that she is sexually harassing you (if a man said that to you it would be right?) and I bet she will lay off for sure!
2007-09-07 23:43:20 · answer #3 · answered by Doc Biz 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, I like the ignoring idea, that usually works. But, you could tell her that you like the way you dress, you don't really care what she thinks, and if she doesn't keep her nasty spirited opinions to herself you are going to file a workplace harrassment claim against her. That should shut her up, at least keep her from being nasty to your face.
2007-09-07 23:29:11 · answer #4 · answered by The Sh*t 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You go girl! Dress in what makes you feel good! Tell her loudly and sternly infront of people that you like the way you dress and you don't care to hear her opinions about the subject anymore. Tell her it's none of her business what you wear. People criticize me too and it totally sucks. it's like they're trying to take me down to their level. I like the way I look.
2007-09-07 23:32:35 · answer #5 · answered by Tasha 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Lard *** is either jealous, too fat for nice clothes mean spirited, oh did i mention jealous, shallow, and making remarks about something that don't concern her. So the next time she remarks about your clothes just say "hey look I can buy different clothes just to please you if you can promise to visit a cosmetic surgeon for your ugliness.
2007-09-07 23:39:56 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
ask the opinion of your friends on the way you dress. if one or two agrees with your co-worker then it's time to change your way of dressing. colorful clothes catches attention. seek the advise of people close to you.
2007-09-08 00:40:16 · answer #7 · answered by Lola 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to HR. This is a woman but that seems like sexual harrassment.
Listen to Patois, she is exactly right. You do not have to put up with her childish behavior or tip toe around her. Put her in her place. Tell her to "place it" just kidding.
2007-09-07 23:27:47 · answer #8 · answered by marie s 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As long as you "thank you for the input"--she's going to keep giving you "input". She's not catching on. You have to "escalate".
Your next step, in my opinion, is to tell her that her "input is not appreciated" and you like what you wear and that's all that matters..
See how that works. The next step is to straight out tell her to "Mind your own business" or something like that.
She sounds like she's quite jealous.
2007-09-07 23:43:27 · answer #9 · answered by Meg 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just smile and say ,, yaa your probably right ,, but Guys seem to like it when i dress up , for some reason ,go figure ,,
2007-09-07 23:32:42 · answer #10 · answered by darkcloud 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋