Workaholic husband?

Question

How do you deal with someone that is a workaholic? I feel like I'm raising the kids on my own. He works 60-80+hrs a week and when he's not at work he will sit on the couch and complain about being tired from work...until they call and then he has plenty of energy to go back. What do I tell the kids when they ask where Daddy is...again...and why he can't make soccer practice....again...Thanks for any help!

Ok, so I didn't expect the answers I got. I wasn't complaining, I was asking for ways to talk to him about it. He actually took a $40,000 paycut so he could spend more time at home. So, yes, I am making cutbacks and spending less on myself and the boys while he is still working the same hours. And, no, he didn't do this before we were married. I don't complain about him in front of the kids or even to him. I was just looking for constructive things to say to him. Thanks

Answer 1

Your husband has to invest more time with family and friends rather than focusing so much on work because one day he will realise what he has missed.

I seems you guys have discussed this for him to take a pay cut but by the sounds it does not seem to have done anything.

You need to book a holiday with all of you and get hime to realise there is a life outside of work, that is, your family. If he does not see it then mention everything you see, ie how perfect the weather is, how you love watching the kids run....jokes they made etc.

I would hate for him to realise all of this when it is too late.

Answer 2

Do you think you are the only one with that problem most families are like yours.Mothers have been raising the kids for ever while the dads go out to work.At least in your home you are there with your kids so you do have that.A lot of kids are home by themselves because both parents have to work so your lucky you can stay home with them.I raised my son on my own you might as well say. When my husband and i separated it didn't bother my son he wasn't around that much anyway my son said. You will get use to it and after awhile the kids will stop asking where is dad, sad but true.

Answer 3

Well, are you spending the money he makes? My husbad works for fedex and he is gone from 5am-7pm everyday of the week. When he gets home, he eats, checks his email, cleans his guns *his Hobby* and goes to sleep. He does not clean anything in the house and never picks up after himself. Oh did I mention that I have a 3 year old and a 5 year old that just started school? I do everything by myself. But he also brings home $200,000 a year. And I go shopping and buy crap that I dont need. I have no right to complain aboout his hours becuase I dont mind spending the money he makes. Same with you. If you are worried about his hours tell him that its ok that he takes a different job that only pays $30,000 a year as long as he is home. But then remember you also will need to make a buhcn of changes in your lifestyle to compensate. I think you are being ungrateful and selfish and need to take a look in the mirror before causing problems

Answer 4

Im a bit confused about the 40 thousand dollar pay cut is for real.A lot of folks dont even make that much and still have to work long hours,something doent sound right to me about this situation,did you think that maybe he had to take such a cut and is trying to work all the overtime he can just to make enough to support his family,unless hes a big shot at his work place and was making major big bucks before I cant see any way a person could or would allow such a major cut in his finances

Answer 5

i know it must be hard being alone and i don't think that you're selfish, you do have your needs. but, you should be happy that you have a husband who provides for you and your children. there are many women in the world who raise their children with absolutely no support- emotionally or financially- even with their husbands around. i would suggest maybe having a family night once a month or every other week, just so you and the kids can have that family time. also, the kids won't understand this until they're older, but when they don't see him because he's at work, it really instills a good work ethic for them.

Answer 6

Same here except my husband travels every week. I can't complain. That paycheck hits the bank account twice a month and any bad thoughts I have immediately disappear. He works his booty off for his family and I appreciate it. When he comes home on Thursday or Friday I try to have the beer cold, the refrigerator full and the bed warm. Try to put yourself in his shoes sometimes. If he is working that much I hope he's making darn good money.

Answer 7

Well, like the other person said, many men get their identity through their work and aren't sure how to be a hands on Dad. Do you have any friends who's hubby's are more hands on types of Dads? Perhaps you need to start hanging out with them on the weekends so he can see firsthand how rewarding it can be? Also, just start slowly.....tell him you have a doctor's check up and he has to take jr. to soccer....then the next month come up with another excuse to force him to participate....he probably won't even realize what's happening, and the more comfortable he is doing it, the more he will make time for it. ALSO, just be sure you aren't hovering over him correcting his every fatherly move....some men get so worried that they aren't doing it right that they just give up....make sure you aren't one of those.

Answer 8

Workaholic men are trying to avoid time with their wife. They don't want to come home and listen for hours as to how bad your day was. They want peace and quiet and one or more great margarita drinks beside a woman that won't make them feel miserable. One who is soft and cuddly and mostly quiet. A woman who does not require a 24 hour notice before having sex. Women...take a good smelling bubble bath and see if he doesn't come in to the bathroom and want to talk.

Answer 9

Ok, This situation needs to be met with alot of grace; "From You" I know this is hard, but some guys get their identity from working, and they also can't humble themselves to admit they don't know how to be a good father. If you shoot him down to his own kids, he has no reason to be home. Please meet this with alot of love and respect for him. He needs you and the kids; and he believes he is setting up some kind of security for you. Otherwise; this is about money, and no matter how many hours he works, you and your family is always broke.

Answer 10

ask him if he could spend one weekend a month with just you and the children,... and then let him have the rest of the time for work.. do you work.. if not that may be why he feels he needs to work so much.. or it could be that he wants more for the children than he had when he was a child...