I've been married for almost going on 4 years, and now I think I want the divorce! My husband dosen't seem to take his family serious, or his job or responsibilties of being a man. I kicked him out of the house this past week, because he has been lying to me about where he has been at, he told me he was looking for work when really he was at his moms house doing things that I cant say and no he hasnt been with other women or men but lets just say illigal activities but he has tried to talk to other women behind my back some people say thats not cheating but his inttentions werent good. When I kicked him out he threatend me with taking my daughter with him, he always uses that against me, he has also hurt me alot in the past and I've alway take him back because I love him. Its been three long years (going on 4) with his lies (fake) promises. I really want to take him back for the 7th time (or more) but this time something tells me not to. Am I the wrong one? should we work things out?
2007-09-07 13:55:19 · 12 answers · asked by Raw1987 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Unless hes willing to admit he has a problem (lying) and willing to seek professional help, it wont work anyway. You have more than tried enough but til he admits his problem and wants to do something about it to save his marriage, nothing you do will help and now youve got him in a pattern which wont help cause now he figures if he waits long enough youll take him back. He can threaten allhe wants to but in a divorce court,mom is usually awarded custody with support and Judges do not take kindly to people threatening people especially when kids are involved. You may want to gather what ever evidence you can get on his illegal activities as it willhelp you prove your cae in court if you go this route. Also get a protective restraining order against him if needbe as itll helpif the police are ever called out. Dont take his crap and move on. Good luck
2007-09-07 14:23:39 · answer #1 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to think about your child. What you described is not a good environment for her. If he has been doing this for almost 4 yrs, he's not looking to change. Probably due to the fact that he is happy with the way he is living his life and every time you take him back, you enable him to keep at it. You need to focus on your child's well being. If he is involved in illegal activities, is that really the kind of person you want around your daughter?
When you love someone, it's hard to say I've had enough and I won't take anymore, but as a mother you have to put your child's needs before your desires.
2007-09-07 21:17:13 · answer #2 · answered by andi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The decision to take him back or not is always a difficult one. Too many people here seem to jump right to the "dump his butt" scenario.
Think about this for a minute. It takes more than love to make a relationship work. To me there are several deal breakers. Cheating, abuse, extensive drug use....etc.
Search your soul...think about the reasons you kicked him out, and his general attitude. Ask yourself if you've truly done your best here. If his attitude is bad, he's cheated, is using drugs regularly and won't agree to get help, or is abusive, then you might need to walk away forever.
A trial separation might be a good way to see if he's genuinely interested in keeping you. I'd say file for a legal separation with the understanding that you'll be willing to try to work things out if, and only if, he shows real changes in his behavior.
As far as taking your daughter with him.....that's just a threat and is intended to scare you into not leaving him. Don't buy it for a second. When you file for the separation, make sure you file for sole custody as well. Do it first, be fast about it, and don't even hint that you're filing.
Good luck to you!
2007-09-07 21:43:40 · answer #3 · answered by wentfishing2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's proven time and again that he's too immature to be a husband and a father. Quit taking him back unless you enjoy the drama.
Anytime you live with a liar, you live with a stranger. You don't know WHO you're sharing your life with if they constantly lie.
You might try counseling but if he's not willing, move on. Your child deserves to be in a family with a happy mommy.
2007-09-07 21:04:45 · answer #4 · answered by katydid 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Nope, BAIL honey!! There are other men out there who will love you more than HE ever could.
As far as your little girl, she doesn't need all the crap from him doing the illegal things and neither do you.
Next time he goes to mama's, pick up and RUN!
I am not judging you, just the facts, you don't need his BS and neither does your daughter.
2007-09-07 21:08:09 · answer #5 · answered by THEMrsMinLa&Momof2 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. Leave. A person has to want to change for themselves...not somebody else. So he wont change until he wakes up and realizes he needs to grow up.
Good luck. It'll be hard but it will be worth it in the end.
2007-09-07 21:03:52 · answer #6 · answered by Brittany 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No don't take him back. You can have a happy life either by your self or with someone better suited to you.
You need to accept that she is his child too. Don't use her like he's threatened to. Even if he's an idiot it'll do her good to have him in her life.
2007-09-07 23:08:32 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sometimes LOVE is simply not enough. a person has to treat you well, and he is not treating you well or even with any respect....in fact, he sounds like he could potentially be violent, and your job is primarily to protect your daughter....you are teaching your daughter that love is all about putting up with CRAP....is this the type of marriage you want for her when she grows up? NO, you want her to be happy, respected, loved, admired, sheltered, protected....does your man do any of those things for you?
2007-09-07 21:04:53 · answer #8 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are in a one sided marriage. He is putting your whole family in danger with illegal activities. Send him to live with his mama and get a freaking divorce. You are not in a real marriage.
2007-09-07 21:17:03 · answer #9 · answered by Lotus Phoenix 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Go with "the something that tells me not to" feeling. That is your inner self telling you what you need to do. Somehow, we just have the answers we need.
2007-09-07 23:09:43 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋