Your wife is there, she loves you and trusts you, she believes all your excuses from being late from work or traffic. What do you do to overcome the gulit. Do you ever feel like confessing?
How do you deal with it? Do you try to blame her for not being how you want her to be to help you deal with the guilt? Do you try to be nicer than usual to mislead her? What are your coping tecnques and have you ever gone close yo confessing..
2007-09-07 12:04:04 · 18 answers · asked by silver wings 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Right Crisitna, why did he marry her in the first place, go figure!
2007-09-07 12:37:10 · update #1
Denver Wild, in reality you are not taking care of none of them, sorry this is the real cold reality.
2007-09-07 12:39:29 · update #2
aa889d I believe many men do feel guilty and these are those who are close and still love their wives. They just try to hide their feelings the best as they can. Freud has talked for years about how people compensate on their guilty feelings. I do not think Freud was naive.
2007-09-07 13:15:43 · update #3
wow^^^^ to previous answers......why are you still married then???
sry, i had to look at this i wanted to see what the guys said...
lol
2007-09-07 12:10:21 · answer #1 · answered by kristina b 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
This is an age old puzzle to most females. Here is my best shot at it.
Men and women do not think alike. For most females our hearts are connected with our sex life.....for most men sex is not in any way connected to their brains....sorry guys it is just the truth.
Most men will not just come out and admit they are cheating. Even if they are caught naked, in bed, with the other person, in the act. They will still come up with some type of excuse. Remember the song "It Wasn't Me." It signaled more than just a good dance tune. They will also resort to blaming their primary partner for their cheating. This is done to ease their conscience and to include their partner in their lack of repsect for the relationship. By the way men: THAT IS PROBABLY WHAT BREAKS THE CAMELS BACK. We are not the reason you cheat.....you cheat because you want to.
Men cannot grasp the full impact that cheating has on their primary relationships. Often they want apologize and go on as if nothing has happend. Meanwhile, females will often shut down emotionally once an affair is discovered. The other thing men cannot seem to grasp is how dangerous it is when a woman shuts down emotionally. Once we shut down, we are no longer really in the relationship. We may be there physically, however, we are no longer there emotionally.
Please note: Most men will immediately leave the relationship if the woman cheats. Not for any emotional reason....but usually because their pride is crushed!!! How dare we want more than just them. This may be the same man who wondered why the female wanted to leave when he cheated and begged her to stay.
2007-09-15 04:50:12 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I figure that people that cheat (not just men) rationalize it away LONG before they actually commit the act.
So there is likely not very much guilt once they've done it, because they (in their mind at least) have a "valid" reason for stepping out on their partner.
(look at the guy who posted about his PA and his wife likely the pool guy, gardener, $$, etc... He rationalizes the reason for doing so BEFORE he cheats)
The only time I think they feel guilt is if its a spur of the moment, non planned, one night stand. Then its rationalized away by saying "it was a one time deal - it won't happen again - what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas - etc..."
You're pretty naive if you ACTUALLY think that those that cheat put a lot of thought into their spouse's feelings or feel guilt or remorse for their actions.
You're even MORE naive if you think ANYONE ever fesses up without being caught and confronted. Why the heck would ANYONE put themselves and their spouse through that kind of HELL if they don't have to? One would have to be extremely cruel and masochistic to want to rat themselves out and deal with the fallout.
2007-09-07 12:48:42 · answer #3 · answered by aa889d 5 · 9⤊ 0⤋
why men and women cheat? they are not getting the things they need from their spouse.. sex, emotional support, acknowledgment.. they are not seeking it... it finds them.. and when it does there are alot of thoughts about the spouse before it is done.. some do not follow thru with it and some do.. then you will say why don`t they just leave the spouse.. well it`s not as easy as leaving and getting divorced.. they love their spouse and do not want to end their marriage.. i too have had an affair while i was married.. i tried so many times to talk to my husband about feeling neglected un appreciated.. he would not listen.. but there was a man that did and he and i had an affair.. it lasted 3 years and we are the best of friends.. he too was searching for the same.. it`s not just to get sex it`s a connection that they are not getting at home..there is a fair amount of guilt that comes with it but the more you do it the easier it is to do....
2007-09-15 09:58:18 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a question that I think a lot of people who have been cheated on would like to know, I know I would. Was married for 30 years to my husband when I found out that he was cheating with the company tramp. I had no suspicions of any thing going on until I came from work one day and he was moving out and in with her. But after he had his heart attack 6 months after moving in with her, she kicked him out didn't want a sick man to take care. I think he now realizes that the grass is not always greener on the other side. There is no chance for a reconciliation, I could never trust him again.
2007-09-12 16:17:12 · answer #5 · answered by tannerlady 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I know i'm not a guy, xDD but ive been cheated on before and it's heartbreaken like half of your life just got up & left you. Well my Ex-Boyfriend's name is Nick & he talked to me like everything was normle & nothing was up. But anyways this isnt about me so.. If you think you'r man is cheating on you, Then just think of all the exscuse's he's made in the past about comeing home late, or so on... And if he has a exscuse for everything then thoughs are signs of cheating. But if you think or know in anyway have a feeling that he's cheating on you then you should just leave him because if he is cheating on you then he's not good enough for you because, every women should have a decent man who can stay w/ one girl instead of haveing 3 or 4 , And that they should realize if one girl isnt good enough for them just to find a new one instead of makeing more then 1 girl sad & lvein them heartbroken.
2007-09-15 11:39:14 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband cheated on me our entire marriage (17 years) I spent hours wondering the same questions. After my heart was out of the marriage (at about 16 years) I cheated too. It was a very hard thing to do that first time, I felt guilty, I was worried that I would be caught....then the next time it was easier, and then easier, and then easier. It's probably that way for men too.
2007-09-14 16:48:59 · answer #7 · answered by replexgirl 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
People compartmentalize people in their lives, they even may say things like, "this is our own little world where no one else exists" even find reasons to fly out and see other women under the guise of a business trip, bridge tournament, teacher conference, keep separate homes, separate lives, seem normal etc... because they want their cake and eat it too.
2007-09-13 11:09:49 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
not all men are oinkers actually alot of us are good. married for ten years have two boys love my wife not everything she does or dosent do but we work at it everyday. when people cheat they blame the partner but in reality did they(man or woman) do everything in there power to make it right before cheating. think about it
2007-09-14 08:09:30 · answer #9 · answered by braves fan 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
well i have seen men do this and i am not sure why they can do this but they seem to do this well and they can live double lives and move on like nothing happened well the law wont' tolerate it so keep up with it and get a good lawyer if you need to they dont' have guilt or if they do they will accuse you of what they are doing that happens alot.
2007-09-11 16:42:55 · answer #10 · answered by Tsunami 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I am a woman, But I think that Man only feel bad if they are caught.
2007-09-14 20:07:24 · answer #11 · answered by Helper 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋