ive been married to my husband for about 7 months now and we have a 5 month old son together. we had been dating for about ten monthe before we got married. well to get the meat of the story he doesnt ever kiss me or never wants to have sex anymore. i try and make out with him and get all touchy with him but then he says he has to got to the bathroom or that he's tired. and i always have to beg him for any kind of affection and there was one time when we were making out and i opened my eyes for a split second and he was looking at the tv at the girls on tv. and everytime we go somewhere he always stares and smiles at other girls. its not like i gained a lot of weight or anything because im pretty much the same size i was b4 i got pregnant so i dont know... im seriously really sad and i have no idea what to think anymore
2007-09-07 11:59:01 · 23 answers · asked by celcel27 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he does have a full time job and i am a part time student... and um he's 21 and im 25 but he's more mature than i am.. and i've talked to him about it and he doesnt say much and im just trying to talk to him but at the same time im crying and telling him how heart broken i am and he just says "im sorry im such a bad husband". and i always say that if he's not happy with me than he doesnt have to be with me. and i do try giving him back massages and i try to act all sexy and i get all dolled up when we go out and he just says why you getting all dressed up for and he never compliments me so im just lost and confused
2007-09-07 15:28:40 · update #1
Let's look at this from his point of view! In under a year and a half his entire live has changed! He went from being a single man, without a lot of pressure, and now has a wife, child, more bills, and responsiblities. When he married you, you were 7 months pregnant! You had only been dating 3 months before you got pregnant, and he lost all control over his life!
You say you are begging for affection. Is he going to work? Is he bringing home money? You do not say that he is out every night with friends, so I assume that he goes to work, and comes home to be with you and the baby?
Do you work? If not, he as gone from supporting one person to supporting three. He most likely is feeling a financial pinch. When he was single, he was able to go out and get lunch and not worry about the cost. Now I am sure that he has to watch his pennies carefully! He is stressed!
You are still getting to know each other. He has made serious changes in his life, and I am sure he is not happy about all of them. He may love you, and the child, but he still misses the freedom from the stress..
Take it easy, and do not try to pressure hin to "pay attention" to you. Rather, if you want this to work, try something a bit different! Instead of trying to "make out" with him, give him a backrub. Let him relax and enjoy life for a bit! I am sure that he will react in a favorable way to a relaxing encounter!
He could also be afraid that you will end up pregnant again. Obviously the birth control method you two used (if any) did not work well. You may consider talking to your doctor about a more effective method.
Good Luck
EDIT with additional information:
You are trying to get him to talk about the relationship, and when do you, it is all about how he is not doing what you want!! You are making him feel like a failure! He is a 21 year old man, who now is the sole support of his family, and it seems he is working hard to do so! He goes to work, most likely at a job that he does not enjoy that much, and then comes home to be told that all that he is doing is not enough!
He is tired and stressed! When he comes home, does he have a chance to relax and unwind, or do you hit him at the door with "all the news of the day"? You are home with the baby, and look forward to being able to talk to someone wo can speak in complete sentences. He has been dealing with people all day long, and needs to have a bit of a break!
You need to quit trying to get him to "talk about the relationship". All that you are doing is making him feel worse, and adding stress. After a day of work and being told that he is not good enough in your eyes, you then expect him to want sex!
Again, good luck!
2007-09-07 12:44:13 · answer #1 · answered by fire4511 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
His daughter SHOULD come first. My parents and I have never understood why some people say that spouses should come first and children second, and we feel it should definitely be the other way around. Your husband doesn't get to see his daughter everyday like he does with you, so it's natural that he would want to spend as much time with his daughter as possible when she is around. I'm sure it's only because you are feeling ignnored, but to be honest this question makes you seem a bit childish and needy. I understand that you need attention too, and I'm sure your husband does as well. Rather than telling him that you don't want to be ignored or second, why don't you tell him that you DO feel ignored, and that you would love if you guys could take an hour at night (after his daughter has gone to bed if necessary) to be with him. Kids always come first, which is how it should be, but there's no reason why you shouldn't get SOME attention. Just make sure that you spend time with his daughter as well, and don't act selfish. Remember that she needs him more than you do, and that if you try to take his attention away from his daughter, you will only push him away.
2016-04-03 09:37:49 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have to tell you to bust this guys bubble. He must think that he is your everything.lol you need to show him that you can turn him on or you can turn on him like a wild animal. I mean this to. You are going to have to just fall out of love with him. then you can bet that his old butt will be back trying to get back in your good graces. That's when you ought to ring him out and throw him in the trash bag as done had that and don't want that anymore attatude. You don't need some guy treating you like that no matter if you have had a baby with him or not! Remember that you are the one that is sitting on a pot of Gold.HA! I am not being nasty but this is more true for you then his butt.lol Give him the boot when he least expects it and then when he crys to you about why you did him wrong. Remind him of how you tried and he doged you out, acted like something was wrong with you. Your probally smarter then him to. So get going and don't stop till this man is crawling on his knees to you like a dog in heat. Than you can decide if you wanna be nice to him or not. Be carefull don't be to nice. He wll just think your weak and that you can't do without hima gain. Watch this man! These kind always scare me for sure! If you play your cards right , then you can have him eating out of your hand and if you don't care anymore, then he can blame it on hisself for how you treat him. Remember there are many fish in the sea of love.Good luck to you and God Bless you.
2007-09-07 12:14:13 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried talking to him face to face about your concerns?
Sounds like something is bothering him.You could ask him to tell you the truth about his feelings. Things get complicated when there are children involved. Sometimes men don't know What to say or how to act. Talk to him and get to the bottom of it and you will both be better off.
2007-09-07 12:06:46 · answer #4 · answered by karlee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you two ever talk about marriage while you where dating ? If not he might feel tr aped . I'm not saying he is . You really need to take to him . Don't let him void talking to you . I knew how pain full it is , I want through the same thing with my husband ,But he was on dating sites ,I knew he was cheating on me ,by the way he treated me and want to movie out . Wouldn't touch me ,or even want to talk . I told my self , Let him go ,There others out there ,After i got my stuff to gather . I hope you feel better .
2007-09-07 12:30:13 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Some times young husbands get overwhwelmed having to support a wife an new baby. Don"t pressure him. Yry to get someone to babysit for you and go out with your husband and do something he likes to do. Smile and flirt a lot like when you were single . Build up his ego to make him feel better about himself. It will be OK honey
2007-09-07 12:09:13 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well then in your case, I think you two need to sit together and talk it out for once and for all. Let him knows what's bothering you and let him explain. Give him examples of how you two used to be and how everything is not the same anymore. Hear what he has to say and thats all you can do for now. Good luck!
2007-09-07 12:06:16 · answer #7 · answered by M@caroni 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He's bored with you, I suggest backing off and try not to be so mushy, kissy kissy and all that stuff. Play a little hard to get. Also, show interest in other guys, let him catch you checking them out. One thing that's makes us guys crazy for our women is jealousy. Don't over do it though. Wish you the best.
2007-09-07 12:16:33 · answer #8 · answered by Phil 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Tell him you feel your marriage is falling apart and ask if he wants to keep it together. The first step is that you both want to make it work. If he doesn't, it can't work, no matter how much you want it to.
Then I suggest you go to councelling.
Looking at other girls isn't so bad, but touching them is! I personally appreciate my hubby's porn collection, I know it'll look after him when I don't want to!
2007-09-07 12:14:06 · answer #9 · answered by Rosie_0801 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i know how you feel i am going through that right now not really him looking at other girls but just really distant and never really wants to do anything with me anymore. so I understand I don't know what to do either.good luck
2007-09-07 12:05:58 · answer #10 · answered by foxy lady 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋