My boyfriend asked me to marry him earlier this year, on Valentine day...very romantic. Second marriage for both. We're are having a simple wedding on the beach with our three combined children. Everything has pretty much been arrange and he has at times been very into the planning, very excited, telling me certain things that he wants. There have also been moments when he seems to tease me about "the-the-the-marriage", which I try to take in stride. He said something to me last night that didn't sound right. He said the marriage was more for me than for him. When I asked him to explain what he meant he said I wanted it more than him. Ok, I don't want to over analyze this or anything, but I also don't know that I want to marry someone that really isn't into it. Any thoughts?
2007-09-07 09:13:48 · 21 answers · asked by sweetnsexy46530 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am thinking the same thing you are thinking... if he doesn't 100% want to get married, then you shouldn't be getting married.
There could be a lot of possible explanations for what he said and no one knows how he feels but him. The most important thing is that you two alone talk openly and honestly about it and figure out where to go from there.
2007-09-11 09:22:41 · answer #1 · answered by EazyBreezy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Before you say I Do, say What Do You Want. He may be talking only about the formality of the ceremony or he may be talking about the marriage itself. Either way, don't second guess. Ask him to explain in detail exactly what he meant by that statement.
This is a second wedding for you both. You've both made mistakes in the past. If you feel this might be a mistake, make sure before you end up with another divorce. Don't worry about over analyzing. This is a huge step and it needs to be something you both want equally. If either of you is not sure, don't get married. Plans can be unarranged.
2007-09-08 11:26:54 · answer #2 · answered by innerradiancecoaching 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is he saying that the marriage -as in long term committed relationship -is more for your, or that the wedding itself -the ceremony, etc. -is more for you?? There is a huge difference here.
Most guys don't mind being married, but the whole day and ceremonial stuff they could skip. They would be just as happy to go to Reno or Vegas and do it in five minutes...
So it sounds like you need to either figure out or ask him if he meant the commitment of the marriage or the ceremony itself was more for you than for him?!
2007-09-07 16:25:28 · answer #3 · answered by SisterSue 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him there's no maybes that it is either yes or no. Not one person wanting to be married more than the other. To me it sounds like he's doubting. I'd have a serious talk with him and have him clarify exactly what he means and how he feels about it. Remember marriage is a big big commitment shouldn't be taken lightly and you should make wise decisions. You don't want to end up divorcing and paying for a lawyer etc. Marriage should be for two people and for life!
2007-09-07 16:27:22 · answer #4 · answered by Txgirl23 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he also meant the wedding in it self, not getting married to you. Guys aren't really into that stuff I agree with Gypsy. I mean he might have a few wants of his own for the wedding but pretty much all he wants to be told is when and what time to be there! Talk to him without getting upset. Try not to make a bigger issue of it. I'm sure if he didn't want to marry you he wouldn't be. Things will be fine, don't stress. Good Luck :)
2007-09-07 16:26:07 · answer #5 · answered by justbeingme_ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him more. Men often think of the 'formality" of marriage or a wedding as just something that the woman needs to be happy. And since he was married before, you may want to be sure he does look at marriage as something that "should" last forever. Its ok to be divorced, but if he thinks marriage is something you can get out of fairly easy, then he may be just going along with it to make you happy.
I hope that makes sense.
2007-09-07 16:35:38 · answer #6 · answered by tutis000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop making mountains out of molehills. You really need to take everything people say in stride. Who cares what he said, he is marrying you and you will have what you've always had with him. Hopefully, you are doing this marriage for a stable home life for the kids more than anything.
2007-09-07 16:54:46 · answer #7 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd say from this posting, you two don't know each other very well, and have difficulties in communication....Even if you have been a committed couple for years!!!! If your language for discussion is lost in something so trivial as this, you two are in for some real eye opening problems in expressing your needs without rage or resentment after you marry.... you don't seem to be on the same page, in the same book.
2007-09-07 16:23:46 · answer #8 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to have a serious, mature, adult talk with him about this marriage. You need an honest answer from him about if he truly wants to get married. The last thing either one of you, and your children, needs is another divorce. If he isn't 100% into this marriage, then it isn't right.
2007-09-08 03:38:50 · answer #9 · answered by missmuffin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He asked you to marry him, not the other way around. My guess is that he feels just as committed without the paper, but appreciates that you need the wedding to show his commitment. Women, we look at everything from every angle...men are simple, if he loves you then he'll love you the same either way.
2007-09-07 16:27:53 · answer #10 · answered by michims 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋