what should i do about hubby??

Question

I know it is completley normal for guys to look at nudy pics and porn but it bothers me and makes me feel insecure, now he tells me that he loves the way i look, and i check the history on the internet to see what sites he has been on, he says that he hates when i check up on him but i dont like when he does it but it helps me if i know what it is that he is exactly looking at..i know its normal for guys to look and even if they have the hottest girl ever they will still look..any tips on how to make my insecurities go away or at least help them or any tips on anything that could help it not bother me?? PLease answer we have fought many times about this and i want it to go away but it seems whatever i do it starts bothering me again.

Answer 1

OK first any guy that says something like "I hate when you check up on me" is doing something wrong. It is NOT normal for a guy to look at porn/nude pics on the internet. Your husband is a pig...and you are right you could be a supemodel and he would still do it..sadly I think all women go through this...and our men instead of trying to understand why we feel the way we do or why it is wrong..say we are on their *** (because other women out there accept it, which i think is total BS)

There is not much you can do. If you attempt to look at nude males and leave the history for him to see, he wont care, cause it will give him an excuse to do it more. The best thing you can do is have a serious talk with him...not argue...tell him that you are not trying to pick on him, nor are you trying to control him...that you have no control over what he does, and you dont mind and in fact encourage him to do things that interest him...BUT you both should not do something if it is an offense or disrespect in some way to the other person. Explain to him that you know there are beuatiful women everywhere, but the fact that he has to go out of his way and go on a website makes you feel inferior, and you are not comfortable with it.

If he does not compromise with you, then the bes tthing you can do is act like you dont care...go out more on your own..say you have to work late..let him have time to think about you for a change instead of stupid fake women online that he would have no chance at.

Answer 2

I had this same problem with my husband. We fought about it all the time in the beginning of our marriage. I felt less than and felt like he was choosing porn over me. I would try to tell him how I felt and he kept saying it was a guy thing. I needed to just get over it and accept the fact that he's going to look at it. The porn itself didn't bother me, it was the fact that he was doing all the time and he wasn't having sex with me. That's when it became a problem. Then I started checking up on him and looking at the history on the computer. He was very upset. Not because there was anything to hide, but he thought that I didn't trust him. I hated looking up what he looked at, but I couldn't stop myself. I was almost obsessed with the fact that he watched porn. I thought about it all the time! Finally I got to the point where I was done fighting about it. I was driving my self crazy and I couldn't take it anymore!! It wasn't worth loosing my marriage over. I needed to work on my self esteem because that was the real problem! I had him put a lock on our computer so I am not even able to get on his account. I just didn't want to look or know anymore. I made sure he wasn't going into chat rooms and stuff like that and asked him not to do it while I was there. He agreed. Since then everything has been good. I think now that I don't gripe at him all time or try and check up on him, he doesn't even hardly do it anymore. I know he still does it some, but I really don't care anymore. I am okay with who I am. I am a beautiful woman. It took some work on my part. I had so many insecurities. I had to realize that it had nothing to do with me. I had to quit taking it personal. I had to start believing in myself and my marriage. My husband married me and loves me! He doesn't want anyone else!! Guys look at that stuff, why I dont' know, but it's not you at all!!

Answer 3

Just know that he loves you. Would he let you look at naked guys? If he would not and is being a hypocrite then I have a big problem with that, but other than that he is being normal like you said. You just have to believe in yourself and how you look. Carry yourself like you know you are beautiful and that you could have any man. Just be careful not to go over board with it and get conceited. Self confident women are extremely sexy, and while you may be a beautiful woman (and I believe you probably are) you may lack that sexiness. At the very least, talk to him about it and let him know flat out how you feel. Don't be argumentative and don't check up on him. If you go looking for something you are probably going to find it, whether you want to or not. Once you both realize that you both have faults and neither of you are perfect you can get through them and live your lives.

Answer 4

My husband does the same thing and it bothers me too because I just had a baby a year ago and have not lost my weight so it makes me feel insecure, but I do not let my insecurity show instead I act like it doesn't bother me and I get him back by talking about other guys that are on t.v. and in pictures who are really buffed out. It actually works by making him feel insecure:) Pay back is a b***h:)

Answer 5

Well honey, this is a hard one.. I went through the same thing with my ex-husband...

I don't know what to say to make your insecurities go away. Other than, maybe you should stop checking up on him. Let him be, what you don't know won't bother you if that makes any sense...

Or, maybe look at it with him, once he thinks you want to look at it as well, maybe he will stop, thinking this isn't right...

Either way honey, don't be insecure, Some guys just love to look at it... The one thing you gotta say to yourself and to him is you can look but you can't touch, at least hes sleeping with you every night.

Take care sweetie... I wish you the best!

Answer 6

Good question.... Might be normal for many, but porn can become a addiction.
As for it bothering you, all I can recommend is taking the time to discuss with him what he is getting out of it? Is he masturbating to the pictures, is he using it to get excited for you? is he really addicted to it? Is he wanting to be with with another woman then you? Ask how would he feel if you started getting into porn?
As I see it, until you know what he is thinking and really why he is doing it, you can't be OK with it. It can only bring up worries and questions in your mind until then.
Good luck, and I hope it all works out good for you.

Answer 7

honey, you need to get some self confidence!!!!

the sooner you realize that he's not comparing you to these porno women, the better you will feel.

you are real, flesh and blood. no guy would EVER trade that in for some picture!

take it from a gal who watches porn, myself....it's not b/c the people are good looking or anything...it's the whole sexy scenario. puts people in the mood.

talk to him about your issues. ask for his help in understanding and help you to get over it.

you already realize that he's not going to stop...good for you, don't make him feel lik he has to stop and he will be more open to helping you get over your insecurities.

when he tells you that you're beautiful, listen to him! let that sink in and really realize that he LOVES YOU!!!! he would probably have sex with you every moment of the day if he could....

trust your man. he's not doing anything wrong.

take care:)

Answer 8

You are half way there. You know he is looking and is going to look since almost all men do. Now, if you know that, and you know that he finds you attractive, then the logical answer is to stop looking at what he is looking at and forget about it.

Looking at gorgeous women is to men what shoes are to women; no matter how many times we look or how many times we have them, we always want more. But that doesn't mean we don't love the one(s) that we have.

Answer 9

unfortunately in this scenario, you have a lunk head of a man who can't understand how his actions are affecting you and he doesnt' want to put aside a meaningless act so that the woman he loves can feel better. i understand that men look. but when they look "excessively" (which can mean a different threshhold for everyone) then there;s a problem, in my opinion. if he can't drop the senseless act of excessive looking on your behalf, then it;s going to affect how you feel in your marriage. so you can: 1) leave him - I know, drastic 2) ask him to stop doing it becuase even tho you think you are a good person and pretty, it still make you feel kind of put off that this is so important to him or 3) start looking at huge c$#@! s on the internet yourself in conjunction with not having sex with him - i know, now it's getting kind of rotton. but as a female, GIMME A BREAK!. it can't be THAT important that he spend so much time looking at other women at the expense of making you feel bad. there is NOTHING wrong with you. stand up for yourself. good luck.

Answer 10

Start with telling him exactly what you told us. That you understand his need to do it, but you can't get over your insecurities. In this manner you are not putting blame on him but almost on yourself. If will probably reward you for your honesty and understanding.

I too, many years ago felt exactly like you do. Didn't want to let it eat at me, didn't want to feel like I was competing with all those hot girls, but the nagging in my gut would not go away. Untill one day we saw a woman on TV that was overweight with the largest breasts, well I made the comment to my husband, those have got to hurt, and he said back, but I will still like to see them. Now keep in mind this woman was not hot, she just had large breasts. Thats when I realized that men do not like looking at nude woman because they are more attractive than their spouses. It is just a natural curiousity that they have, that in no way reflects on how they see their spouses.

If you ever watch b-rated porn, those woman are not all what you would call hot, but our men love to watch. They don't see the cellulite or the crows feet, they just like to look.

Be confident in yourself.