Question for the guys - re domestic violence?

Question

Ok...I'm probably a stupid woman for sticking around. Here's the story: Several months ago my boyfriend and I were traveling in an rv. He was drinking at least an 18 pack every night. One night we were fighting and my daughters were in the front fo the rv and he and I were in the bathroom. Actually he had me trapped in the bathroom and was in my face screaming at me. I tried everything I could think of to get him to stop...I didn't want my daughters (15 and 6) hearing it. finally, desperate for quiet, I reached up and slapped him. His reaction was to grab me by my throat and slam my head against the wall. And, don't ask me why, I stayed with him. I'm even married to him now (2.5 months). There was a lot of emotional abuse before this and still I stayed. I wasn't going to marry him, but he persuaded me with even more guilt trips. And I fell for them...again. He's never touched me again, but when fighting he brings it up like it was MY fault. What are your thoughts?

I know it's wrong to slap..I was desperate for my kids to not hear the fighting. I've never touched him in that way again...I learned from that one and only time.

Answer 1

My wife is an assistant director of a domestic violence shelter, so I hear of this often. He was wrong first for yelling, screaming and trapping you in the bathroom. That is not an effective form of communication. You were wrong to slap him though, and the wrong moves just kept piling up after that. My wife has known many a woman in your situation and the actual national statistic is that it takes a woman 7 times to leave before she actually leaves for good. Many women don't get to make it to that seventh time before either they get killed or end up killing their husbands. He definitely should not ever bring that situation up regardless of whoever was at fault. Neither of you made the smartest decision so the best thing for both of you to do is only remember it as a situation NOT to get into again. If it starts up again, don't smack, hit, kick, punch or even yell. Calmly walk away, and if he won't let you then call the cops. Don't let yourself get back in that situation. Those are my thoughts. Also, any man who has to use physical violence to assert his "power" is the weakest and biggest pu$$y in the world.

Answer 2

It's typical for the abuser to make the victim feel like it is their fault and that "THEY" are the problem when in fact their not the person to blame. The abuser seeks control and grows off of it when received. Abusing him back will only make the flame grow larger and that's what he likes. You need to get out of this abusive relationship no matter how you may feel towards this man. Don't let him brainwash you either because their good at that. You need to think straight and think of your kids too. What you do in this relationship affects your kids in the long run. Seeing your dad beat the crap out of your mom isn't good of a kid's lifestyle. It can make the kid feel depressed, even carry on the same characteristics of the abuser. So I suggest you divorce him, get a restraining order, and next time call the cops after the abuse and when your out and free.

Answer 3

Go, pass go don't stop to collect $200 straight to a church, counselor. This is the only way. Never should he put his hands on you. Fighting and arguing in front of children is never right. I have something for you to think about. Would you want your 14 year old daughter to live with a similiar type of man when she get into a relationship? This is exactly what your showing her that is ok. I would make arrangements with therapy and or church quickly.

Answer 4

You shouldn't have married him!!!!! You are subjecting not only yourself but your daughters to physical and emotional abuse, and are essentially raising your daughter to believe that this is how relationships are. Get out now, before it gets even worse! I know this is not what you want to hear, but in your heart you know this is what you should do. How did he even manage to guilt you into accepting his proposal?

Abusers do not change on a whim without serious psychological counseling, and I doubt by what you say that he has gotten any. Get out now, before you cause any more damage to yourself and your daughters.

Answer 5

You should not have slapped him, but you know that. Another thing that you know is that you have to get away from that man before he kills you. Abusers rarely stop what they are doing without serious counseling, and the abuse generally gets worse and worse. Take your daughters and get out now!

Answer 6

Let me tell you something if a man hits a woman one time and gets way with it, you can expect a as* whipping every time he gets mad. You hit him first but still a man isn't suppose to beat up on a woman. If happen once it'll happen again, you make him mad enough and the next time you better give your heart to God cause your as* is his. They'll never stop once is all it takes and if you know he is going to get real upset you better straightened yourself up and stop hitting him cause he will hit back.

Answer 7

I am a HUGE proponent of marriage. The decision to get a divorce must be intellectual and (hopefully) decided by both people.

Now.... GET OUT of this marriage. How much thought does it take to see that you are BOTH physically abusing each other (among other things)?

There's no love here and you're destroying your children.

This is a no brainer. He would be really stupid not to see this too.

Answer 8

Honey, you already know that you shouldn't have stayed. And you already know that you need to leave. If not for you, then for your daughters. I would never, in a million years, trust such a man around my daughters.

Answer 9

Leave...get away...go. Every one of us deserves a peaceful life.

Answer 10

well you have made your bed of nails, but sadly you will have your daughters suffer too.