Wife and you were separated for almost a year because she was having an affair. You had a vasectomy during the separation. You managed to reconcile. Now wife is pregnant. What would you do?
2007-09-07 08:54:01 · 52 answers · asked by snack_daddy10 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You know that is really hard to say... Did she cheat again? How far along is she? Could it be possible she got pregnant during the separation??? Or talk to your doctor, what is the possibility that your wife could get pregnant after having that done? That would be the question I would ask 1st.
Or confront her, does she know you had a vasectomy??? Tell her and get her reaction and then take it from there.
If you truly and deeply love her, maybe you can work things out, but you have to tell yourself, whens enough, enough...
Good luck to you... I wish you the best!!!
2007-09-07 09:02:58 · answer #1 · answered by Jennifer C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whew! --------You've got your hands full!
This is a good question,so lets see if I can do this!.
(1) If you and her have been separated for almost a year,then chance are you can be the father (why?) because she may not have wanted to tell you she was pregnant,while you and here were still separated.
(2) It depends on how far along in the pregnancy she is,and how long ago you and her had sex.
(3) When you found out about the affair,I assume this means,that you and her were still together. Now there's the possibility,that the child is not yours.
(4) She may not know who the father is!. A paternity test needs to be done on all parties involved.
(5) Because you had a Vasectomy,this does not rule out the fact,that you may be the father,unless you had sex while you were separated.
(6) SHE HAS TO COME CLEAN,AND TELL YOU THE TRUTH!. #4 may be the best answer for you!
GOOD LUCK
(?) If the child is not yours,do you two still plan to stay together?
2007-09-07 09:15:46 · answer #2 · answered by Squeakers 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not be able to raise a child under those circumstances.
If she cannot come clean on the real father it would seem that honesty has escaped her.
The reconcile does not seem to have taken.
I would not be able to look the other way with some other guys kid in my house like this. She would need to abort or I would be gone,WITH MY KIDS!
Vasectomy is 100% unless it has grown back. Those are low odds. I know my guy cut out enough that it was 100% the first time and permanent. I was told to forget about any reversal though. It might be worth a test but more likely it is wasted money.
2007-09-07 09:03:03 · answer #3 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you know your vasectomy worked and the child is not yours, you must decide if you want to continue on and raise the child with her. If you fear she continued on with the affair even after you reconciled, then you need to walk. If we had worked out our marriage issues and had a good committed plan she hadn't cheated on me since the reconciliation, I would probably stay in the marriage and raise the child with her. If I had no desire to do that then I would leave her and not look back. I would have to think long and hard either way. If I knew I couldn't be fair to her or the child and was looking at making all our lives a living hell, I would have to bail. I would be straight and say so.
Those are really the only options I can think of that would work for me. I would really think about it and then decide.
I am sorry you are in this position. I am sorry she cheated and more sorry she came back at this point. It is way too Jerry Springer for me to be able to deal with if it was my life. I wouldn't sign up for the drama.
2007-09-07 09:04:11 · answer #4 · answered by whereRyou? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would sit myself down and decide a few things. First, did I really love my wife, and really want to be with her? When you reconciled with her, you let her believe that things were "reconciled"or forgiven, ya know. That doesn't mean a person should be stuck in the situation, though. That depends on if she was forthright with the pregnancy information. If she didn't know she was pregnant, then that's more understandable, but not necessarily excusable. I'd have to ask myself, do I love her enough to get myself past this, and treat this child as one of my own. If the answer was yes, I'd do just that. The past is the past If the answer was no, I'd say, "I'm sorry, but this is a little much for me, I have to move on." It's that simple.
2007-09-07 09:48:30 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well Snack Daddy, do you want to be a real daddy? If so, raise the child as your own. The child may not be your biological offspring, but if you provide for it, you will be it's dad. Your dad is the person that takes care of you. If you are not able to accept this child, then your marriage has ended unless she is willing to place the child up for adoption. I don't believe in abortion for convenience so I'm not suggesting that as an option. You can go to a urologist and have a sperm count check to see if there is a possibility that it is yours. A vasectomy is not 100% in all cases. And blood tests can be done when the child is born. I would make sure it is not mine before I made a decision to end the relationship.
2007-09-07 09:11:52 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
decide how badly you want the marriage to exist. since you've gone thru the trouble of reconciling, now let;s see who the father is, unless (i will assume above scenario is about you and your newly reconciled marriage to your wife) you will just accept that child as yours. sometimes vasectomy's don't work, which happened to a couple that i know, and they had their 5th kid. so, make sure your vasectomy took before we get all up in arms about who the father may be. since she had an affair, and now she is pregnant, this is a slightly messy situaion that could get messier. so if i were you i'd make ABSOLUTELY sure, WITHOUT A DOUBT, that your wife is on the same page as you. with a(nother)kid, you don't want the same thing happening again. if i were you i'd just sit on this situation for a while and let it rattle around in your brain. sometimes people want to have a decision of what to do immediately. let this one sit. you need to give your self a bit of time and space to feel this one out as to what exactly you want and how you want it. don't rush into any decisions for yourself just yet. hopefully, for your sake, your wife will choose to remain on a path of honestly and integrity if you both choose to stay together. good luck.
2007-09-07 09:03:25 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depends if she still seeing another man while getting back with you. If you barely got back with her and she says she is pregnant more than likely that isn't possible. It is rare for a women to get pregnant from a man who had a vasectomy. It's possible most those cases are very very rare. If you suspected she was seeing someone ask to have a paternity test once the baby is born.
2007-09-07 09:13:40 · answer #8 · answered by Txgirl23 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not taking up for your wife but I have seen 5 or 6 men wives get pregnant and the man goes back to his Doctor and the vasectomy didn't work, But usually their is someone hiding in the woodpile.
2007-09-07 09:03:03 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pretty doubtful it's yours - if it has been a longer time since you had it done, then I would say there is a chance. The only thing you can do now - is get a paternity test done when the baby is born and go from there.
Are you or would you be willing to raise another man's baby as your own?? Would you be able to forgive your wife for this and move on? Things to think about.
Good luck!
2007-09-07 09:22:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋