What to do with my son, ?(21yrs old.)he has been in rehab for personnel issues he get out soon.?

Question

my house is his home, he has no savings, no health ins, bad credit, and wants to move back in. I want to sell my house. do i send him out on the streets? do i let him live there untill and get back on his feet and , save money, I have covered his expences for o long time and tired of getting him out of dept. he has no money mangement skills whats-so-ever. I love him very much and i'm afraid he'll end up where he started, whitch put into rehab in the first place. He can't seem to cut the cord from mom. His dad died 17 months ago and feel responciable for him still. I need to clean my house out since i don't live there anymore, I just got married again. what do I do?

Answer 1

shirley...here's the thing...i've known addicts....i've buried addicts.....
your son will never learn how to stand on his own unless you cut the strings.

sell your house.
do not let him live there for free.

he is a big boy and it's time he sinks or swims.

here's what needs to happen....
he needs to find a crappy apartment somewhere that's affordable and livable. i said LIVABLE....not luxury, k?
help him with the security deposit if he needs it...there's nothing wrong with a little help to get started....
he needs a job. time to start applying EVERYWHERE. construction, landscaping, restaurants....anywhere that will hire him and pay him!!!

then, he needs to learn how to manage his money on his own. case closed.

shirley, i learned my lessons in the big bad world and i survived just fine. ya know why?? b/c i had a desire to succeed and a will to live well and do well.

i was in a nasty relationship and i left him and i had a little bit of furniture left over from college and about $200 in my bank account. i had a job that paid little for really long hours.
my mom helped me secure an apartment and once i moved in i was on my own. it was an efficiency. one big room with a kitchenette and bathroom. i didn't even have one single closet in there. i paid $400/month for that litle box of an apartment. i had no cable, i used a cell phone as my means of communication.
i still had credit card debt from the bad relationship and student loans.

guess what......i survived and now i have a great life.
i WANTED to succeed and i did.

if your son wants to, he can do it too....but you ahve to make him do it. if you don't push him out into the big bad world, then he will suckle from the parental teet for life.

take care and help your son by making him help himself.

:)

Answer 2

I don't thank you should put your son on the streets. He is 21 and seems lost. I not saying pay his way but get him a cheap apartment pay a couple of months. Maybe a little money for food. Then I would tell him you love him but he is grown and has so take care of his self now. Make sure he knows if he needs to talk you are there. Just love him. if he gets mad just remember he will see why you did it when he gets on his feet and feels good for doing it his self. I hope you the best of luck. Being a mom is hard even if your kids are grown.

Answer 3

You said ::"""He can't seem to cut the cord from mom. His dad died 17 months ago and feel responsible for him still"""
Can't cut the cord from mom, Is this your child or a step child ? If a step child he needs to live with mom, if your child, he will ALWAYS be your child. But at 21 its time to grow up. My niece was in same boat as son, a few weeks in jail helped her out. Do not let him live in the empty house, it will turn into a crap hole. I guess you were married to his dad for 19-20 years ? maybe he thinks you remarried too soon,,

Answer 4

I'd sell your house, give him a little of the money to get a place and tell him it's the last time you will give him money. He's an adult and it's time for him to take responsibility for his own life and well being! Tell him you love him and always will, but you will not support him financially or bail him out of trouble! Then stick to it! If you don't cut him off it will continue because he doesn't HAVE to do anything for himself as long as you are willing to do it for him! Best wishes

Answer 5

He is an adult. Tell him to get out, get a job and get his own place. You are not responsible for his credit problems, or his money management problems. Give him the addresses to homeless shelters in the are, they give tips on getting a job, saving money etc but he is going to have to follow the rules there. Stop enabling his problems, because the more you give in to him the more you enable his dependencies and the more he will sink back into that lifestyle that is the major problem.

Answer 6

specific, it particularly is purely too quickly. medical doctors often advise beginning with rice cereal around 6 months, supply or take a month based upon the form of the child. infants' stomachs are no longer developed at 9 weeks to guard maximum solids, surprisingly something like pork jerky.

Answer 7

I was going to try and offer you some advice but I really can't. I don't know your son's actual situation, or what he was in rehab for. I will offer you the constructive criticism to please click the "check spelling" button when posting a question. It will make it easier for people to read your post. Proof reading is also a good idea. Good luck with your son.

Answer 8

wow his dad died 17 mos ago? and ur now married ?

but anyways, dont let him come in. u already have ur life sorted and planned out, u dont need him to be mooching off of u. he's 21 for Gods sake! he need to see what he is going to do for his life, im not saying not to help him, give him a months rent, and u know keep in touch with him, but dont let him move in with u , if u do he will never leave.

Answer 9

Oh for Christ's sake. You, lady...have a problem. Here's the scoop. The kid is the way he is because its pretty clear YOU enbale him. You feed into his laziness and such which only keeps him from gaining any responsibility. I have no doubt he plays you like a fiddle too. Screwing with your emotions as well.

You have a new life. He needs to get one. Give him the heave-ho.

Answer 10

I'm sorry to say this and it might sound mean, but at 21 years old your son is a grown man who needs to take responsibility for his own life, you have done your job the best you can, and now it's time for him to sink or swim on his own, I wish you the best, good luck, hon.